Too much of shits been going on since the last time I blogged. I'm not sure if I can remember them all. Or even want to.
Grams gone to heaven. It is a tremendous loss to all of us - the grandchildren, the daughters, and the in-laws, especially Grandpa. I've never seen Mom break down like that as we all took one last look and said our last goodbyes to Grams. Seeing Mom broke down like that breaks me and I couldn't bear to look at her; I felt like I was gonna lose control of myself, and I can't let it happen.
Granpa's been holding out, till the day the casket had to be brought out to church; he cried. I felt his pain and I started to welled up again. I hate crying. It makes my eyes swell.
I miss Grandma. I miss her presence. I only see her on average twice a year. But it's always been comforting knowing she's still there, waiting for us to come visit and never fail to welcome us with a smile.
Yes. That smile. I never realized she's almost always smiling. Untill a friend of hers, a pastor, who was giving her memorial speech, mentioned how Grams is always smiling. Another male pastor, a friend of Grams too, said how Grams would always be calling to him loudly. And smiling.
It's a huge comfort to us all that she's going to Heaven. But at the same time I can't help be pissed that she has to go dying of stomach cancer, at 68. I'd always thought she'd die of old age.
Grams was the most generous, loudest and simply the most beautiful soul I have ever known my whole life. She is respected and loved by many. I hope she is happy where she is right now, and I pray I'll see her again.
A couple of weeks after, it was Christmas. We all gathered at Grandpa's, celebrated Christmas like how we do it almost every year. I went to Church (in a LONG time) with my aunts and cousins. Mom cooked a great deal of dishes. The cousins barbequed. It was one of best Christmas. There were more presents this year.
I love my cousins. They're just so funny, so full of crap, and so real.
Then it was new year. I made a silent resolution not to be late for work ever again. It may seemed a little far fetched for me, but I'm trying. I really am. And with the new year, I've decided to commit to this job. So I'm gonna have to talk to B.Boss soon.
Puppy and I have been going on stronger than before. I don't wanna say much. There's always the little tiffs. I love him with all my heart and soul and I'm scared to imagine what life would be without him.
I am also grateful to alot of people whom I've crossed paths with, and some, still walking down the same path with me. Each and everyone of these few favourites has inspired every inch of my being, keeping me optimistic about life.
I'm glad Mom's happy. I'm glad my sisters are growing up well and doing the things they like doing.
I don't show love the way others would like to see it. Sometimes I just don't know how. But by the little gestures, I hope they know, that I have them in my heart and mind.
Happy New Year everyone.
Happy New Year Gramma.
