I may be realizing slowly and truly that I am not the only one with problems so small that I may as well just tape my mouth and pinch my nose shut, wait for the black out and then wake up and do it all over just so it'd be all I think about doing until I'd eventually give out my last breath.
Nichiren Shoshu is mysteriously affirming my beliefs in (this) life that the True Laws is all that it is to attaining enlightenment... and perhaps all that it is to the answer to life...
A cold finally caught up with me and with it, it's slowing my thoughts down a whole lot; an unfortunate situation which has gotten me feeling appreciative for...
I may have been swirling in thoughts a little too much and to say the least I was overwhelmed, to the point where I literally neglected my health. How, I can't remember.
A lot has already happened this year and I have made some rather chilly decisions for myself and others.
I could feel myself changing.
While I forgave myself for my past, I've also turned my back on some new folks coming into my life.
I'm not sure if I'm just becoming too self-centered thus having much lesser energy to deal with others or that I've learnt to see through people which made filtering out certain individual a lot more affirmative.
Giving the 'benefit of doubt' has certainly put me through almost an endless trials of judgement (with regards to myself) until I've stopped that is.
The length of it (benefit of the doubt) has been shortened.
In a way, I spend less time thinking about necessary solutions for unnecessary people and more time on the ones I deemed worthy.
But honestly that hadn't worked so well either.
And then I realized, it's not about avoiding.
It's about accepting, which is a lot harder to do, but it definitely reaped better results.
I'm not quite there yet, but at least I have a more positive focus now.
Gaining wisdom doesn't have to feel like such a burden. Sometimes the ability to understand isn't that much fun of a responsibility. But if I just keep focusing on the good, then the bad will surely resolve. Yes, the bad doesn't have to be all bad. It can be resolved and purified.
And I think I've found my way of going about, doing that. And living.
Next step, to save the world.
