Long ago
Just like the hearse, you die to get in again
We are, so far, from, you.
Burrrrning uuuup
Just like a match, you strike to incinerate
The lives, of everyone, you know...
And what's the worrrst you take...
With every hearrrt you break...
And like a blade you stain...
Well I've been hoolllding ooon tonight...
What's the worst that I can saaay
Things are better if I stay...
So looong, and goodnight...
So looong not goodniiight...
Caaaame a time...
When every starrrr falls
Brought you to tears again...
We arrrre the very hurrrrt youuu soooold...
And what's the worrrst youuu taaake...
From every hearrrt youuu breeaak...
And like a blaaade youuu staaaaiiin...
Well I've been hooolding oooonn tonight...
What's the worrst that I can say...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long... not goodnight...
Well if you carry on this way...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long... not goodnight...
Can... you... hear... me...
Are... you... near... me...
Can we... pretend... to leave... and then...
We'd meet... again...
When both... our carrrrs collide...
What's the worst that I can saaayyy
Things are better if I stayyyy
So looong and goodnight...
So looong not goodnight...
Well if you carry on this way...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long not goodnight...
Grams not gonna make it to Christmas..............
Monday, December 05, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Awareness
I'm so used to working so much for the past few weeks, that even when I took my time out to slack, surf net, within 5 minutes, I actually feel like going back to work. Psycho!
Been busy with the hunting, moving, shifting, cleaning, and still cleaning up the house; Puppy's and Angel's very own crib.
It's looking better with every effort put in to make it... tidier.
I'm very much aware of death right now. I mean, right at this very moment. Really. So aware it feels like death is staring right into my face.
A couple of nights ago I dreamt puppy died; I was stumped. I cried till I couldn't cry anymore, and when I woke, I hadn't realized it's only a dream.
I knew fully well that he was out in the field at that point of time. There was no way of contacting him to make sure he was okay. Then I started to doubt if the dream was indeed a dream.
It was only hours after, that the surreality (I made this up) faded, that I've finally managed to break through and told myself it's only a dream.
But I am still very much of aware of death. Very much more so for others (those who matters) than for my own.
I cannot possibly imagine how I could go on living if others were to... @#$%^&*
When I finally saw puppy yesterday, the surreality came seeping back. I touched his arm, grabbed him tight and kept my eyes on him, just to make sure he doesn't fade away.
I know it sounds crazy. I can't put it anymore in words how it felt, to actually have been convinced (by the dream) that he doesn't exist (anymore); thinking about it right now, sends a sense of extremely painful loss... through my entire soul. Like a bad orgasm.
Sure I've had thoughts about death of others. I've always understood that death is part of life. But I never thought I'd be this unprepared; The older you are, the closer you are to facing death; Yours, and others.
I'm not sure what to think of it anymore. I'm just hoping that this feeling will go away.
Been busy with the hunting, moving, shifting, cleaning, and still cleaning up the house; Puppy's and Angel's very own crib.
It's looking better with every effort put in to make it... tidier.
I'm very much aware of death right now. I mean, right at this very moment. Really. So aware it feels like death is staring right into my face.
A couple of nights ago I dreamt puppy died; I was stumped. I cried till I couldn't cry anymore, and when I woke, I hadn't realized it's only a dream.
I knew fully well that he was out in the field at that point of time. There was no way of contacting him to make sure he was okay. Then I started to doubt if the dream was indeed a dream.
It was only hours after, that the surreality (I made this up) faded, that I've finally managed to break through and told myself it's only a dream.
But I am still very much of aware of death. Very much more so for others (those who matters) than for my own.
I cannot possibly imagine how I could go on living if others were to... @#$%^&*
When I finally saw puppy yesterday, the surreality came seeping back. I touched his arm, grabbed him tight and kept my eyes on him, just to make sure he doesn't fade away.
I know it sounds crazy. I can't put it anymore in words how it felt, to actually have been convinced (by the dream) that he doesn't exist (anymore); thinking about it right now, sends a sense of extremely painful loss... through my entire soul. Like a bad orgasm.
Sure I've had thoughts about death of others. I've always understood that death is part of life. But I never thought I'd be this unprepared; The older you are, the closer you are to facing death; Yours, and others.
I'm not sure what to think of it anymore. I'm just hoping that this feeling will go away.
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