I miss you love

It's been almost 2 months since we broke up. And it had to end this way. How many times must I repeat myself before I start losing it and yell it into your face? How many times must I explain myself? And must I? Isn't love about understanding? Even when we fight?

I hate you now. I hate the way you make me feel (now); so miserable for doing nothing wrong.

You said you had hope. And just what did you do these 2 months? Did you come looking for me? Were any flowers delivered to me? Did you ask to see me? You don't even ask how I am.

You asked if I'm seeing someone. I said yes. Now come to think of it, why did I even tell you? I should've know better. I should've known you'd react the way you've been for the past 1 month. But I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. That we would be adult about it.

You asked if I love you. You asked if I missed you. You asked if I still care. You asked all the questions that satisfies your heart. And then you got mad at me for being able to move on faster than you did. Just what did you expect? Wait for you to find someone before I move on?

You asked what if the roles were reversed. Don't you think I have thought about it? Thought about you seeing other people? Thought about you smiling while you're talking to her? Laughing at her wit? Holding her in your arms? Kissing her sweetly? Having it all that I had with you? You don't think I've thought about all that?

If that had happened, what could I have possibly done? I could only stick to my own world and feel sad & miserable. But I would never have done what you've been doing. I would never have taunt you for having found someone else. I would have felt like shit. But I want you happy too.

You say you want me happy. Then what is all these? Why are you threatening to hurt the people I care about? Because of your jealousy? You say whatever you want? And to me? Do you have a heart at all?

Who's to pick me up when I was broken? We broke up. You have no obligations to me. Neither do I have of you. Why are you being so selfish? You couldn't take me for all that I was. You make me deal with my own issues. I accepted that. You know very well yourself what kinda of man you have become. And I have ran out of patience and strength. Now that I'm able to move on, pick myself up, you punish me for it.

I should've change my number. People tell me if I love you enough I wouldn't have moved on this quick. What is this? A competition?

Look beneath:

It was a 3 years relationship. I saw the rest of my life with you. I saw us travelling, and possibly having kids & definatelty puppies. I saw us growing old. I saw us going places. I never saw this. I never saw I'd become so over-bearing. Never saw you'd give me excuses. Never saw that I'd go absolutely psycho because you don't give me one minute of attention.

We broke up. Because we changed. Things changed. We got tired. We couldn't deal anymore. We understood that. I thought you did.

But now I see that whatever it is that I do, it's all my fault. It's always me hurting you. Isn't it?

I would've walked miles for you. I would've done anything for you. Just to be with you. I have. And you know that. You broke my dreams. You broke my heart. I hate my weakness.

My moments of weakness with you is a reminder to me to be better everyday.

Along the way, something nice came along. Something distracted me of my weakness and finally puts a smile to my gloomy face, although it only lasts for awhile, compared to the tiny moments you have given me which can last me through any agonizingly horrendously painful days, it was just nice to have something forgotten again. Something which you forgot to give, which I have been missing for a long time, while we lost ourselves in fights.

Was that so wrong that you have to punish me for it now? So wrong that my love is being judged?

All I want is for someone to guide me through. And I thought it will always be you. You had that strength which I need. You were my everything. But you lost yourself as well.

And now you wouldn't even give me space to find my own happiness on my own, in my own ways. You kept judging me. In your eyes, I will always be that weak, that selfish. But amidst your judging, you forgot you made mistakes too. And I don't even blame you for it anymore.

I never thought I'd want you out of my life but I do. I cannot bear any more of you.

You make me want to be alone.

Am I ever gonna step out again?