Will you cry if I die

I was just thinking... how much am I worth to everyone I know and love. My best friend, close friends, my sisters, mom, aquaintances, my admirers, my bosses, my grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunties, will they shed tears if I die?

I imagined someone close to me dies... saddistic... but I wanna be prepared (it's gonna happen). Everyone of them has influenced my life in so many different ways. How do you feel complete when a part of you dies? I will be a different person...

In a way, I can't wait for this era of my life. We'll never know how much something or someone meant to us untill it's gone... and I wanna know how much something or someone, anyone, meant to me... what other ways is there?

Especially when it comes to the most important thing in my life...

I'm scared.

It's raining...

So cold... I can't wait! 49 more ninutes to 1800h. I wanna see puppy! I wanna be embraced in his arms! Even the thought of it warms me up...

Lemme update a little bit on the last weekend.

Striprise birthday party at Swissotel for MeL! Yup! We got her a stripper. Raunchy. Although, I was a tad bit dissappointed. Not that I was expecting much. But it was entertaining enough to get all of us screaming and cheering. I was pretty flushed up! A naked man (wasn't really expecting much else) and a beer. I'm quite a cheap drunk. Everyone else was pretty flustered by midnight. But the party spirit didn't simmer a bit. Music playing loud enough for M.Lady, Angel and gang to do the shuffle. It was a funny sight. At least to me. Or maybe its the beer.

Poor puppy knocked his uncut pinky toe against something and half the nail was loosened. Ouch ouch ouch. He was having a bit of a headache as well so we decided to stay overnight at his crib.

Other than the unfortunate incciddent, I enjoyed myself. It was lovely. Nice. Lovely. Yeap lovely.

K I can't remember anything else thats happened and 35 more minutes till I get outta work. Been a busy day (print order's day). So, I'm gonna chello.

I'm happy

I awoke to the alarm ringing to "Donau Waltz" at 0745 and finally (agonizngly. really.) called in sick at work. I wasn't sick. Just felt sick. Slept in somemore to a bad dream for another 4 hours.

I dreamt about a raided mall. Cops (in civilian clothing) everywhere. The bad boys messing up the place. I remember taking this weird old medieval-time-machine-like lift. Remember being in the shower with puppy after a game with a bayi friend of mine (who had a girl friend who looked exactly like Britney Spears and I introduced her to puppy). Remember having a fight with puppy in the shower (can't rememeber what it was about). Puppy left. I tried to get him back. Calling, messaging. Even when he sees me he tries to aviod looking at me. Refused to speak to me. Had a feeling he ran away with the Britney lookalike. And I seek solace in that bayi friend.

I felt horrible. I felt the pain I felt 3 days ago when the world crumbled down on me, took my heart and smashed and tore it into pieces so small I didn't think I could have the strength to put'em back together again. But since I took the day off and was gonna spent it with puppy I was determined not to spoil the day any further. Went over to pup's. Later in the afternoon we went down to Serangoo Plaze to see pup's dadulus (who was hanging with his friend) and took about 20 minutes walk (along Little India) back to his shop. It was scorching hot but it was interesting (I've never been to this part of the island for the past 20 years I've been living in).

Passed by one of this punjabi clothing store with this female attendant. Pretty. But looking bitchy. The kinda look that pretty much makes you wanna go up to her and ask her if you owe her anything. Suddenly it dawned on me, that I never knew if puppy has any interest in punjabi gurls. Most of'em are pretty. Of course, I've noticed he checks out white chicks more.

Bride and the Prejudice was a bad movie. I wouldn't say it sucks. It's just bad. The story didn't make sense. I just didn't get it! One moment they're like this, the next like that, without any particular link in between. I get why it's going on but I don't get what's going on! It was a movie made for their own entertainment. I meant the crews. They seemed like they enjoyed it more than the audience did. To give it some credit, it was funny. Not HAHAHA funny. But it did crack me up here and there. I wasn't pissed. Which is good.

Changed my tongue stud to a smaller one. 40 bucks for a 13mm. There weren't much of a choice. All with ball bearings. Only different colours. Picked the silver one. Of course. Chilled at Tattoo for a bit. At that moment life seemed so beautiful talking about life. Talking about respect for the men in our family (my grandpa, mom's dad). Talking about growing up. I'm actually looking forward to growing old and see which friend's gonna die first. Saddistic. But so amazing. My god life is amazing...

I love puppy. I truely do. Only he can make life seemed so beautiful and adventurous for me... Thank you puppy... for seeing me...

Walls are built. A new beginning?

Let's see. How do I put this. I'm relieved. But dead. I'm happy. But I'm not. I'm scared. Yes. That's it. I'm scared of falling. Not just falling. I'm scared of falling onto a bed of roses. Intoxicatingly painful. Beautiful. And lethal. The heart tears and breaks under its mercy. You can't remember to breathe. There is no time to find oblivion to the torture. But here I am again. This magical addiction. When will I learn? Is having the heart torn and scarred over and over again not enough? Somethings are just so hard to let go. What to do. It's life. Maybe I haven't been guarding myself. I let myself go too much and dugged my own grave pit a bit too deep too fast. From now on, I will make a concious effort. I'm gonna fill the pit with fluffy pillows as I dig. That feels abit comforting...