Messed up

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Falling into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

I'm going crazy in love with you baby
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
No one can rescue me...

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you so deep
I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you...

Sugababes - Too Lost In You

and nothing sweet about it.

To err or not to err

This one month is going to be the longest month of my life. Another turning point in my life perhaps. Am I really that young?

I've been thrown back and forth through decisions after decicions. One day I'd think... this isn't what I wanted... the next... I can be more patient... then I'd think... why does it have to be me... minutes later... I really shouldn't have...

I justify myself by telling myself that I've given so much... can I not be spared of a little space to be selfish?

I'm tired... the more I think... the more my head hurts... the heart doesn't really hurt anymore... I won't let it rule this time... I can't... Although sometimes it has it's mood... if it feels like breaking it'll break... and I blame it on the hormones.

Yes... I've lost myself... again...

Happy 18th G! (Part II)

I'm getting lazier... and lazier...

Party Eve...

Had to give the gang a miss at D's because I had to go shop for G's birthday banner materials.

Went to Spotlight (rumour has it it's closing down), got a fairly huge black card-paper, pink & silver glitters, and the finishing touch for enhancing it's decor, pretty green/brown/red furry rolls of 'strings'.

Just when I was feeling very satisfied with myself, Angel called, told me that she'd called York Hotel to check if we could check in any earlier on Party Day, and apparently, there was no room booked under my name, and that it was fully booked.

The amount of sweat I was breaking out... ..... ....

I felt my body heat rising and almost immediately I was telling myself "I knew it! I knew something will screw up I knew it!" & thinking of a back up plan all at the same time back & forth, that I didn't even hear Angel say "April's Fool!" the first time. So much for loving me HUH!!!

Party Day!!!

Went to Mustafa's for the first time (!) to get the menu-see for the party. My god there were aisles of shampoos, body wash and soaps, aisles and aisles of almost everything you can find in grocercies stores, only so much more variety! And not forgetting the most fantabulous (!) ice milo (with whipped cream!) & de-li-cious sardine/curry puffs (Spice Tree Curry Puffs, Geylang Lorong 10) I've ever had my whole fucking life.

Thank you M.Lady & Angel! *WAILS~*

Shopping was done in less than 2 hours. Rushed back to the hotel, made the banner, made contortions of Traffic Light (cherry tomatoes, cheese and cucumber), and decorated up the room with red & pink crape papers.

In less than an hour after the room was done up, G arrived with her little friends.

Surpriiiiiiiiise!!!

She skipped and hopped around at the doorway like a monkey (that she is). Excitment she shows.

Party went quite well. Alotta peeps turned up (not expected). Unfortunately the food ran out pretty quick we had to order another 4 more boxes of pizzas after the first 8.

Pictionary was a hell lotta fun. Everyone (mostly the legal aged) got pretty high early into the night, that it almost felt like 3am when it was only midnight.

Most G's friends left early. At 1am, the usual suspects plus a few others including G head out to Coco Lattae. Me, pups and his boys, G's friends who were staying over stayed in, and I slept.

Eventful. And also quite unfortunate; X.

X is underaged, a butch, and a fucking helluv an irritant; Detestable.

She changed to her home clothes, stood in front of the TV (when everyone was watching Miss Singapore, and just when Jon Johnsson appeared on the screen for M.Lady) & announced, "EVERYBODY! I'M IN MY HOME CLOTHES!"

Fuck you you understand.

Then, she'd fucking snatch a box of pizza which I had barely managed to get it out of the plastic bag (it just arrived), ran off to the other corner of the room, fed herself & a few others.

She'd been bugging G for drinks the whole night, when Gale refused to budge, Angel had to step in to make sure she knows she's not allowed to drink. X pouted, and stomped off, in such a way that, she thinks she's lovable.

I'll slap you you understand.

Later in the night, I found the bottle of vodka sitting on the bedside table in the other corner of the room. No price for guessing who's the fucking culprit.

Apparently she had a drink or two, got drunk and slept. ON THE BED.

*Deep Breathe*

If it wasn't for puppy who'd knocked some sense into me, to sleep on the bed ( I dozed on an armchair), I'd have let the bugger (I didn't really mind the others) have the bed. Which totally wouldn't have been fair to me, and my party organizers.

The ULTIMATE; Puppy and his boys went out of the room for a smoke, and returned to see X pouring his Johnny Walker (approximately $100) into the bottle's cap, measuring, smelling it, pour it into a cup probably filled with beer, mix'em, & left them.

*SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP*

Most of these were told to me. I was too busy making sure everything else was in place. If I had witnessed it myself, I could've ruined my own party for G.

G made sure X knew of her lousy mannerism, and she apologised.

Other than that, Party Day was quite a success. I'l like to thank the amazing duo, M.Lady & Angel, and my dearest-longest friends ever, PJ & Amb, for helping out, party was a success, and not making a single fuss about not being able to feed. So sorry! Really really appreciated the help.

LOVE LOVE!

Happy 18th Sister G! (Part I)

Before I go into further details, I would like to announce, that after much thoughts since I last blogged (been awhile apparently), I've decided, that this will be my last blog. And you know what...

Highlight to see message:

I'm kidding.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

If I've freaked any of you out, GOOD FOR ME!!! And BELATED APRIL FOOL'S TO YOU!!!

I can't believe it. I've been so busy with sister G's 18th birthday party and some personal shit, that I had to give April Fool's Day a miss. I didn't forget. I had to give everything else my absolute focus.

More on April's fool day later -_________________-

On G's 18th birthday (Thursday), we clubbed till dawn with a Usher, Harold & Kumar.

Me & G were in town early so we decided to take a stroll to Mdh Sultan and check out Wu Bar first (Ladies Night!) while waiting for the boys. The night was early, and I was dreading it, cos days before me and pups decided to take a break. Didn't help when DJ blasted Akon's Lonely. No worries! All's good after a calm, peaceful talking session. We've worked out what we're supposed to work on and we're a duo again.

The boys arrived an hour and a half later then planned *pffff* and we head to Cheeky's cos they've got cheaper drinks to acommodate the non-ladies. Usher turns 20 on the same day as well and since me & G didn't get him any birthday prezzie, I got one of the waitress, pretty hot (she was wearing a black long sleeve top (I think), short frilly uneven-ends skirt and heel boots), paid her 10 bucks to pull a tequila shot on him and a (short) hot make out session. Happy 20th Usher *grins*

Cheeky's closed and the dudes wanted supper but somehow Shah & G got all of us dragged to Desire. Nice crib but, didn't really enjoy myself cos, I was told not to leave a harmless half filled water bottle on the table (we were sitting outside of Desire), told to put my legs down (I had my legs up (it's a habit) on the cheap basket-weaved chair), and last straw, I was told not to stand on the 2-step-stairs (leading to the dance floor); I was looking for the peeps across the dance floor.

What the hell is their problem?!

I told puppy about this and puppy said it's all (by right) not allowed. They're just doing their job. But still! Hello! A half filled bottled water can't drown anyone! The chairs were not made of silk cushions! AND I WAS ONLY STANDING ON THE STAIRS FOR A MERE SECOND & THERE WAS NO FUCKING CROWD SO HOW THE HELL WAS ANYONE GONNA HURT ANYONE!

If they tell me it's all for safety measure, having litted candles in a club is safe?! Least to say bottles of opportunities to get drunk and pissed off is bearable?! BUT A BOTTLE OF WATER SITTING ON A TABLE, LEGS UP ON A CHAIR, AND STANDING ON STAIRS IS A BIG NO NO?!! Not cool man. Not cool.

If they tell me they're just doing their job, I'd say, fucking idiots.

I know for sure that I'm NEVER going back to Desire.

Pardon me. I didn't mean to sound all pissed off but thinking about it again cheesed me off big. And already I was in a foul mood to begin with.

Maybe I should've asked, just what the hell was the problem.

After Desire finally closed at around 6am, went to 7eleven to grab a fresh bottle of water and orange juice to wash down the alocohol for G & Harold. Both had too much to drink, I was tired, Usher and Kumar were just high. G, Harold & Kumar cheesed around for a bit. G trying to prove her strength by wanting to punch the daylights out of Harold's orange carton. Harold & Kumar took the longest time to get into position (Harold holding the carton, Kumar standing behind the carton so juice can explode all over him as planned, by G), and when G can finally hit the punch, the boys moved out of the way, and she hit air.

Sigh... all that work. We were all laughing pretty hard about it. Funny how Harold keeps trying to protect his 'baby' (the orange juice carton).

Me and Usher also took the longest time to get the drunkard children to the cab stand, you'd think that'd be the end of the night, G punched Kumar. Yea. All happy and making so much of noise one moment, the next, poof.

Apparently Kumar made some racist comments, and in my point of view, G punched him out of pure fun, but a little too hard, Kumar bled a little on the inside of his lower lip, and got pissed. I don't blame him. G really shouldn't have. So what if he made some racist comments. For your information, racist comments had been exchanged throughout the night and was all in good fun between the both of them.

So G apparently was upset about some comments he made, punched him, then later on apologised, and Kumar in turn softened, and admitted he deserved it.

-_______________-

The drunkards took the longest time to apologise to each other, and accept each other's apologies, that I got pissed (bad mood & freakin tired) and told Kumar to go ahead & slap G since she said she insisted she wouldn't feel good till he does, if not, I will. So he did. Nah he didn't. G took his hand and slapped herself with it. AND THEN! She took the longest time to get into the last of the 3 cabs that I managed to hailed. She knows I'm mad at her and she thinks it'll be a better idea if I just take the cab home and she'll take the trains. Pffff. Yea. Sure.

OF COURSE I wouldn't leave her alone! I didn't slap her either; It was just a spew of madness.

Finally, got home at around 7++ am. It was a working day, so I took half the day off and slept in.

G apologised. She knew whatever happened was stewpit. Good. So everything was well and fine again.

I still didn't manage to sleep well enough... not till the par-tay is over... to be continued.