Wrath

I was just thinking last night, about the things I regret not doing.

This happened years ago when I was around 14. Me and family (yes including Dad, at that point of time things weren't as hectic as it got later on), went to GV Yishun to catch a movie. Sitting behind mom was an old couple, around 30s - 50s. The man (looking much older and sickly than the woman) was seated directly behind Mom and throughout the movie, he kept kicking at Mom's seat, probably out of habit. Mom told Dad. Dad told the fella nicely, to stop kicking the chair cos it's disturbing. He shouted (yes, in the middle of the movie), something along the line, "What! You own this cinema ah! So what if I'm kicking?! You own this place ah!" Then all the "fuck fuck" came out. I was obviously pissed off that he was disturbing me from enjoying the movie, even more pissed off that he kicked Mom's seat, and totally, boiling that he's screaming at MY dad.

Even though I hated Dad, a part of me had a soft spot for him cos he's my dad. I regretted not screaming at the man for shouting at my dad for the obvious wrong reasons. Because I was worried (gut feeling) he will start on how my parents raised me.

And now thinking about it, I'm even more pissed off with Dad for not beating the crap outta him, but he can beat a woman behind closed doors.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a joke.

Then there was this other time, at Grams, I supposed it was Chinese New Year cos everyone was there. Mom washed Dad's clothes. She forgot to check one of Dad's pant's pockets, it got wet, and there was a tiny notebook (with his client's details) found. I went to Dad, all young and innocent and asked if it was okay, he said to me in Mandarin, "It's wet. I'm gonna scold Mommy later." There I was thinking, you're the one who couldn't possibly have the reponsibility to look after your own things and you wanna fucking blame Mom? And for the record, it wasn't so wet that the book's ruined. It's a delicate work but if done properly, the notebook can be revived.

I went to Mom to check on her. Mom was obviously sorry that she forgot to check the pants, and there were my aunts, telling her how careless she is, that she should've checked, and I got even madder. OF COURSE she can help it. OF COURSE. You forgot. Then you remembered, then you check. Oh hey! It's not wet anymore! What the fuck. I wanted to scream at them to stop blaming Mom and be on Mom's side instead. But I couldn't. Cos Mom brought me up to respect adults.

I love all my aunts. They are a bunch of beautiful souls. I just wished at that point of time they'd been on Mom's side instead.

Now and then, I'd remember inciddents like these and get mad. And although I can't help but think that perhaps it's a good thing I didn't do what I thought I should have, I can't help regretting that I didn't. And it sucks.

There are more incidents like these, I just can't remember it now. These 2 regretful memories haunts me the most.

And if situations arises again, I'm not sure if I'd go around screaming at idiots because I am such that, I always worry about the people (who matters) around me.