I am such an idiot.

Sometimes I just say and do things without thinking, really. Without considering whether it's really funny, or it could hurt someone's feelings. Not that I do it unintentionally. I just want to be funny. At other people's expense unknowingly. When I realized what a stupid thing I said (or did), I can't stop kicking myself for a long time. Then I'd stone thinking how stupid I am, and make fucking stupid mistakes at work, which doesn't help with my morality at all when you get told off (for the mistakes made) in a condescending manner.

Why ah. Why I so stupid one. Think I smart right. Fucking think I'm damn smart right. See la. See what I did. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

I need a hug. Need someone to tell me it's okay people make mistakes. Then again I probably don't deserve it because I'm so goddamn motherfucking mindnumbingly STUPID.

Sigh.

I dunno why but Robbie Williams' Sexed up seemed to fit weirdly with how stupid I'm feeling now.

Loose lips on ships
I'm getting to grips
With what you said
Know it's not in my head
I can't awake and forget day after day
Why don't we talk about it
Why do you always doubt
That there can be a better way
It doesn't make me want to stay

Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shut praying they won't stray
And when I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

You said we're fatally flopped
When I'm easily bored
Is that okay?
Strike me off your list
Made this the last kiss
I'll walk away

Why don't we talk about it
I'm only here Don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met

Chorus

Screw you I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you
Let's all gone to wasted Saturday
I'll go out and find another you

Why don't we
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shirt praying they won't stray
Oh! When I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

"Where we do what werkz"

It has been a great social experience. I've learned things I never would have if I didn't step up. The people are a great bunch to work with. The boys are relatively charming in their own cheeky ways. The ladies were gems to work with. So far I have enjoyed every working day. Plus Bambie being there with me makes it all the more fun! :)

It's not all bliss. There were a few unfortunate incidents. Some of which were due to my own incompetency and idiocy. Some are plainly because the Mad Ostrich was just being, well, mad.

Otherwise, I've been in and out of some unfortunate, and probably self-caused emotional rides to certain overdue issues. Just some things I've been thinking about. Like what I would like in a life partner.

Career wise, I've got some things planned out. Thanks to an old friend, I might just get something going somewhere; realizing a dream *breathes*

I'm in a much better place now. With the help of those who are close to heart.

There are still some things left unsettled. I'm working out how to go about settling it. Just to have some sorta peace of mind. So I can focus better.

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I'm overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you

- Alanis Morissette -

Rejected

Am I not nice enough? Not good enough? Not pretty enough?

Third. Time.

I even got almost-naked for you man.

You've got me depressed.... again.

Hell I'm doing it again.

Till the last inch of my pride fades away.

Till you tell me I'm just no good.

S.I.A, I am flying you.