Jane Erye / Winnie the Pooh / 50/50

There are men who weren't much of a man as much as color being absolute, whom I've met or grew up with, who gave me nothing but piles of shit to clean up with my state of being. I've grown tired of them really. Men whom I've thought should have played the protective role, who knows how to treat women. Men who knew what it was to be a man. Having been dealt with the incredulous male chauvinist, the man-wannabe but really is just a big baby, turned my world into one catastrophic ball. The romance, the charm, chauvinism... it's all dead. That's until starfish stalked into my life. Like any human made, he was perfect at first. And then a little setback threw him off track. Then more almost killed off all that I've always wanted to hold in my soul. Naturally I was convinced they're all the same. But still somewhere deep in my scars, I wanted to believe that all the romance and goodness remains. Deep and stuck. Choked within. So I looked. I looked so deep and as I dug deep I was hanging onto what could have been my last possible breath. It was starting to feel painless and I was getting numb. And then I realized... It's not his fault. It's not their fault. There really was no fault to begin with. I've been indulging myself with romantic fantasies all these while and filling the yearning. I have been living, stagnant, stubbornly believing and convincing myself that this mirage stands. I forgot the one thing that hit us all, that made my beliefs what it was. And that's life. Life happened and life as I've known today is as mysterious as it is a bitch. I've always heard and somehow all those complaints and sob stories didn't etch deep enough for me to stop being so angry at everything. The most amazing thing was that recently, when I share my unfortunate tales, it didn't felt trivialized by a much harsher series. There was pure mutual empathy and the understanding that each of us has our own path, customized to mold. It felt strangely therapeutic to be able to just pour our hearts without having to be reminded of greater tragedies and we should just 'get over it'. It was a humbling experience. I needed that. And I hope this isn't just another moment of the many epiphanies. I hope this feeling burns out the fire in me that kills, replacing with the warmth of joy, peace and love. Merry Christmas everyone.

Paranormal Activity 3 / Tangled

The husband's been really good to me past few days. My mind was all over and my body crashed. Couldn't take the pressure any more than it did before and finally crapped the life out of me.

Ex.cruciating.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something. I still can't quite figure out what.

That I've been avoiding some sort of confrontation because my people are?
Because I'm Libran?
Because I need to look good?
That maybe it's time for me to accept that fact that I cannot accept?
Because I can't change anything?
Except for myself?

but... but... I believed... I really believed I can... could have... done something...

I see my dad and I think, why can't he see how he's making people around him suffer and at the same time also thinking, am I the only one feeling this way...

Am I so incredibly arrogantly stubbon that I refused to even let him (or anyone else like him) be?

Puddit down... I need to puddit down...

Can I ever? Truly?

I... doubt...

I'll be working on accepting the fact that I cannot accept.

The Last Princess (Japanese)

It's been 27 years.

I thought I had it figured out.

Tired. Very tired.

Horrible Bosses / Rise of The Planet of The Apes / Source Code

After watching Source Code, I cracked my head to understand what its hidden message was. SPOILER WARNING (although really not so much actually) - And that is, a possibility in creating a new timeline in any of the parallel universe; a notion that was obsolete with the functionality of the Source Code program.

Thhh! In your face! My god... made me think so hard!

Duncan Jones you sly ingenious bastard.

Been awhile since I had a good thinkering (the last one was Da Vinci Code or was it Holy Blood, Holy Grail).

Then again, the idea of time travelling into a parallel universe, using Source Code to manipulate that universe using an already (or fated to die) dead body, discussed as 'unethical', was something I'd missed.

I guess taking over a used up life calls for a hugely obnoxious amount of self-centered-ness where one is determined to save the world or in Colter Stevens' case, that train full of passengers who by right should have been blown to smithereens.

Colter Stevens, a American hero (soldier), who died in Afghanistan, fighting (ironically) for peace, had his second chance at saving the world.

A hero at and after death.

Hangover II / Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon / Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows II

I may be realizing slowly and truly that I am not the only one with problems so small that I may as well just tape my mouth and pinch my nose shut, wait for the black out and then wake up and do it all over just so it'd be all I think about doing until I'd eventually give out my last breath.

Nichiren Shoshu is mysteriously affirming my beliefs in (this) life that the True Laws is all that it is to attaining enlightenment... and perhaps all that it is to the answer to life...

A cold finally caught up with me and with it, it's slowing my thoughts down a whole lot; an unfortunate situation which has gotten me feeling appreciative for...

I may have been swirling in thoughts a little too much and to say the least I was overwhelmed, to the point where I literally neglected my health. How, I can't remember.

A lot has already happened this year and I have made some rather chilly decisions for myself and others.

I could feel myself changing.

While I forgave myself for my past, I've also turned my back on some new folks coming into my life.

I'm not sure if I'm just becoming too self-centered thus having much lesser energy to deal with others or that I've learnt to see through people which made filtering out certain individual a lot more affirmative.

Giving the 'benefit of doubt' has certainly put me through almost an endless trials of judgement (with regards to myself) until I've stopped that is.

The length of it (benefit of the doubt) has been shortened.

In a way, I spend less time thinking about necessary solutions for unnecessary people and more time on the ones I deemed worthy.

But honestly that hadn't worked so well either.

And then I realized, it's not about avoiding.

It's about accepting, which is a lot harder to do, but it definitely reaped better results.

I'm not quite there yet, but at least I have a more positive focus now.

Gaining wisdom doesn't have to feel like such a burden. Sometimes the ability to understand isn't that much fun of a responsibility. But if I just keep focusing on the good, then the bad will surely resolve. Yes, the bad doesn't have to be all bad. It can be resolved and purified.

And I think I've found my way of going about, doing that. And living.

Next step, to save the world.

Yes Man / The Kids Are Alright / Transamerica

I've been thinking... It's time I set some boundaries.

Hangover 2

Vow of silence huh...

Something to think about.

X-Men: First Class

First class indeed.

I shall aim for that point between rage and peace.

Priest / Pirates of Caribbean 4 / Ku Fu Panda 2 / Dylan Dog

May flew by so quick.

The serenity of the beach... the holy vows... an infinite love bound within the Infinity Chapel... their loving chemistry so profound it gave hope to those lost in love... T&J's wedding in Bali was perfect... and thinking the same for JaYz.

Mr Poh got hitched by the end of May. With his sun-kissed, sharp eyes and firm handshake of a wife, he looked blissful.

Since getting hitched myself, attending weddings always stir something in me. Something almost exhilaratingly refreshing and touching... There's something very pure and sweet about the whole matrimonial ceremony. The old school vows... the exchange of rings... the smiles on the newly weds... yes... the newly weds smiling at each other... smiling because it's so right... smiling because they are all they see... It's when they smile like that that I can't help the water works.

To all the happy couples, from the bottom of my heart, truly, I wish them a lifetime of happiness.

We got lucky.

I know I did.

The Lion King musical

So here's the deal...

I continue to control what/who goes in and out of my life and let the universe handle the rest.

Scream 4 / Thor

"Vote Wisely"

There's been quite a bit of awkward situations since the beginning of this year.

Awkward, because I realized I have not reaped what I've sowed. Instead, my harvest, became charity, one which was given quite unwillingly. Given for the sake of empathy. Sadly, I've mistaken empathy to be on a two-way street.

Awkward, because there are things I frowned upon and to the things that I frowned upon has caused a great a deal of distress if these things that I frowned upon knowingly or unknowingly crack their way through into my intolerable veins.

Awkward, because truth became diplomacy, which lies on a very thin line with manipulative.

Awkward, because for all of the above, I have spent great effort veering off since the 'benefit of the doubt' and now I worry the return of skepticism, doubts, and brutal honesty.

Strangely my horoscope reading seems to be telling me while these may be awkward to say or do, I have made my point and I'm supposed to trust it and refuse to think shoulda-woulda-coulda because, what's the point.

Limitless

I knew...

that life isn't perfect...

people aren't perfect...

nothing ever is...

I used to know the beauty in imperfection...

where did that go...

where did everything I used to know and embrace go...

what happened to taking it easy...

how did I become this insecure... and angry at every little moral faults...

when did I stop accepting these imperfections...

here I am thinking I know how the world should work and shit... I'm the worst one.

how I'v been disappointed...

how I've been disapproved...

how I've been so conscious of how I make others feel and I thought... I knew...

I thought I'm the only one trying to make this world spin in the right direction...

I thought that whatever that's out of my control means they're at fault...

that's it... anything that's out of my control is at fault...

that's what's been going on...

I get it now...

and now... I learn to accept.

Sucker Punch

I thought I knew Baby Doll's face somewhere and Emily Browning was Violet in Lemony Snickets. Always liked that morbid nostalgia.

Since the zen way, I realized while it did calm me, I felt almost passionless, botherless about stuff and I thought while it's good for my mental health, I have lesser things to say and it felt... boring?

Perhaps being zen is not the most adventurous, passionate way of life, but I shouldn't care too great a deal since I DO not want to be bothered too much?

Perhaps that's one huge part I needed to fix all these while; this feelings of inadequacy. And hoping this way of zen will do.

Human to Deities... The difference is too grand a scale.

There's just too much to learn. Too much. It's comforting though, to know it's a good thing.

Godfather I

The enemy, the friend, the betrayed, the loyal, the fearsome, the father, the husband, the Man.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

When will earth stand still...

I haven't felt this calm in awhile...

The Fighter

Can't believe I missed this.

Soooo let's see where do I begin...

I've just realized that the Bro is no longer on my FB list and what's troubling me is that I honestly cannot seem to remember if I had subconsciously removed him myself. While I did thought about it (and chances of me doing it without realizing is rather high considering my alter ego tends to take over at times of utter dis-like), I didn't want my scarlet letter to be 'L'.

My horoscope readings are telling me there's a reason why the elusive bluebird of happiness may be avoiding my windowsill today...

I should get back to cracking on how I'm gonna save the world.

True Grit

I'm definitely not a fan of western cowboy movies but the Cohen brothers are too brilliant to miss.

Tastefully humored.

I'm running out of words...

127 Hours

of Liberation, Conquest, Pride, Fear, Regret, Self-actualization, Hope & Courage.

Burlesque

Being a wife isn't what I'd imagined it to be.

It isn't all about flirty bantering, mutual consenting or whatever it was supposed to be, till death do us part.

To be a wife means to sacrifice. Like, everything.

Sacrificing emotional needs just so the husband doesn't get any more stuck in the middle.

Sacrificing dignity just so everyone can make callous comments.

They're all 'you're always siding with her...' or 'you can't always side her...'

Why does anyone have to side with anyone?!

So when I get the husband to spend more time with his mother, take her on a holiday, who am I siding?

When I advice the husband to call and check on his attention seeking female friends once in awhile, who am I siding?

And when I suggest the husband to spend more brotherly time and maybe even help out financially, just who the hell am I siding?!

Basically, when I became a wife, I lost all legitimate rights to need my husband.

Black Swan / The Tourist

Here is a list of how something small can become something big:

1. Sakamoto Ryoma
2. Mark Zuckerberg
3. The discovery of 2-cents worth of an opinion; an almost insignificant value because, nobody asked for it.

Sakamoto Ryoma, because he saw the unjust & bias treatment from the ancient hierarchy system.

Mark Zuckerberg, because the ex-girlfriend broke up with him for trying so hard to be an asswipe, turned on her because he got his heart broken for being an ass, by blogging ass shits about her and starting up a discriminating social network program.

The result of Sakamoto and Zuckerberg was an admirably rich culture with the most advanced technologies we depend on today, and the highly controversial and much needed social network where long distance relationships (relatives & friends) maintain bond with no more an effort than the want and need to know what's been up.

The result of the discovery of a much less needed opinion is, epically catastrophic.

Cans of worms were opened. Strength becomes weakness. And worst of all, having to deal with more coming.

God help me.

Eat Pray Love / The Squid and the Whale / Adventureland / Love and other drugs

Japan was beautiful. It was a pity I didn't get to fully breathe it all in. There were issues to be dealt, Noa to be missed. Good thing for cameras. Helps with the memories.

I'm having trouble handling the MIL. Mainly because, a lot has been tolerated.

I tried to communicate. Thought the reason why she apparently keeps saying the "wrong things" to me was because I didn't communicate enough. So I responded. She countered. I end up biting my lips.

I tried to ignore her so called casual comments. Gets to me after some time and I implode. I call them (her so called casual comments) irresponsible.

So now I'm trying NOT to communicate. I'd say hi. Greet mornings. Maybe a thank you if I feel grateful enough. But I'm not responding to her casual comments.

"You gave him too much noodle."

. . .

I may let out an exasperated sigh. I may conscientiously bite my lips. But I'm not responding. No "oh yeah?" No "oh I didn't realize..." No "maybe I'll take some."

I am starting to believe that she actually hates me. Probably jealous of the fact that I married her favourite son. Probably feeling lonely.

But I've played the niceness enough. It's not appreciated. So I'm just gonna stay away. Play ghost in my own house. Get out if she's in.

I'm nice. But I'm not that nice.