Shut your fucking mouth

I haven't been feeling like this for awhile now...

I knew I shouldn't be home early last night cos I knew he'd be home.

I was in the middle of watching Charmed (Phoebe's high school reunion) adventure when he asked if I could spare half an hour. I could've said no cos I wanna fucking watch the gurls (they just look so good on TV) but my 7th sense is hinting it's got something to do with what I thought it was, and it's urging me...

"... You got a Indian boyfriend ah..." (don't mind the broken English)

Challenging him, I said, yeah...?

Then blah blah blah I got pissed and raised my voice in defense and he got pissed and raised his voice just cos he's a father.

Heres why: My father, has a third-world-generation thinking. For example, Chinese and Indian, big nono. (So much for an example huh)

Basically, what he thinks doesn't matter to me. I hated him for what he did. And I still do. My intention of obliging to his little request was to just let him yak away and phase out since I'll never understand what he's trying to say (I never do. Or just refuse to). But because we got off on the wrong foot, correction, he got off stepping on MY foot, what do I do? How dare he.

How dare he come to me, and INSIST on telling me how he feels. I don't give a shit if it bothers him. I don't give a shit if it makes him uncomfortable. But when he's got nothing else better to back his defenseless statement, of course, left with no choice, so obviously defensively pointed out, that I did what I did because I don't like this family. I snapped. Like, where the fuck did that come from?! So I haven't been home as often as I would like to. Because of you. You've been missing in action for the last 6 years, suddenly, you're home at 8pm almost everyday, gorging on whatever Mom cooked for dinner, and now, you expect me to listen to you ranting your 2-cents worth, and just nod like I always do when I was young and ignorant of the world around me.

Too bad for you, I've grown, and learnt everything I need to know, without your help. In fact I'm glad you weren't around. I would've been the same person I despise now. So I'm not gonna shut up, and just let you talk. You are gonna listen to me.

The argument went on to him blabbering away about the different culture shit and I of course, despising the fact that he is so shallow, took the effort to explain to him that I know what I wanted, to I'm-not-going-out-with-an-Indian-because-I-hate-this-family (I do not hate mom or my sisters) shit, to this-is-my-life-you-don't-know-me-so-stay-the-hell-outta-it.

Finally, he gave up trying to explain whatever the fuck, that he will get someone else to talk to me. Uncle Christbert. I scoffed. I don't hate the guy. But he doesn't know me either.

We argued somemore. Finally I couldn't bear his bullcrap anymore, I commanded him to stop and puhleeease go ahead and let Uncle Chris talk to me instead. Whoever. Listening to him rabble just pisses me off even more.

Bottomline is, he is unhappy. And of course, I refuse to settle with just hearing him out, This is a two way street.

Anyone can advise me with their 2-cents worth, ultimately, the decision is mine to make. I will not stop walking the path I have chosen to walk. I will not be told what to do. I'm a Libran for God's sake. I fight a war with myself in my head enough. Once I've got my mind made up, there's no turning back unless I want to.

After about 3 hours, the "conversation" ended quite peacefully. I've said my piece. I pray to God he's bothered with what I said. I didn't need him talking to me in the first place.

As much as I hate to admit it, the episode with dad did bother me in some ways. I hate confrontations. Especially when I'm not ready. I need to be prepped. But what's happened happened. I've play the conversations back and fro for sometime already. I feel alot better now. I did not regret whatever I said. But what a pity, I've had my chances (telling him I hate him). I'm glad I didn't though. Mom wouldn't be too happy about it.

I wish he'd just lose his voice and shut the hell up for good for snoring that loud you'd feel the rooms vibrating.

I miss Mom... I miss sister S... I miss Puppy...

Sister G's gonna be home soon so I don't miss her that much. Heh.

PMS-ING

I refused to wake when I had to. Resulting panic-strickened me, stepping into freshly laid cement just outside the lift on the ground floor. Speaking of getting out of the wrong side of the bed. FUCK YALL RETARDS! Well, to give em some credits, they told me to be careful just when I was gonna step out. TOO LATE! They also said it's okay. Well... MY SNEAKS AREN'T O.KAY.

My mood wasn't as bad when I stepped into the office, logged into my MSN account, and Jude i.m. me the same thing he ALWAYS FUCKING SAY. "I'm bored." Oh fuck you.

I don't know the retard. We must have chatted on IRC millions of decades ago. That's why he's on my msn list. Wait a minute, I checked, and he isn't on my msn list. So how can he see me? I'm gonna find a way and block him.

Usually, during one of those boring days when the retard's "I'm bored" greeting line doesn't bother me, I'd take some effort, have him entertained, for the sake of my own entertainment. Today is one of those boring days. But with PMS... I tried challenging myself to have this retard entertained.

Me: So tell me something I shouldn't know.
Retard: What kinda things?

ARRRRRRRRRGGHHHHH!!!!! I ALREADY ASKED RIGHT!!!!! Then...

Retard: Busy?
Me: Very.

I wasn't. I was looking for entertainment elsewhere. Retard apologizes (he thought I was busy. stupid.) and I told him it's okay and to go look for entertainment somewhere else.

Retard: are you pissed at me?
Me: Nah. The hell would I be.

I was thinking, Yes. Because you're stupid.

It was only awhile later that I realized I'm PMS-ING. It's not just PMS. Stupidity do frustrates me.

I told Puppy I think I'm PMS-ING. Puppy, of course, being the sweetest thing ever, offered to buy me something to cheer me up. Now, I really do appreciate the thought but I don't want him buying me stuffs to cheer me up. Probably because, firstly, I might be able to cheer up if he just surprise me instead. Secondly, in this state that I am, nothing will be able to lighten my mood up. Except ranting. And because of my second prob, I don't wanna risk having Puppy waste his efforts.

One way to deal with women's PMS is to let her have her way. Men, don't worry. It won't last long. Well at least it won't for me. I'm the loveliest girlfriend anyone could ever have when I'm not PMS-ING.

Okay a buncha cheques just came in. Work!

I hate hormones.

Highlights of the week

Saturday.

We (me and pups) headed downtown to Wisma Atria early noon, where Singapore's Bridget Jone's competition was held. Angel was one of the top 5 chosen. We (me, puppy and M.Lady) were there to give our support.

No offence, but there was no competition at all. They don't even looked Bridgy. Not sweet. Not pretty. No. No. No. The one white chick contestant did the sexy grooves to the music. Eehhg. Wrong. Not Bridgy. We thought Angel nailed it but noooo. Judges are idiots. They can't fucking judge. Call me bias if you will. I'm entitled to my opinion and most of the time I'm right.

After which, Angel and M.Lady had to get to an Arab wedding. Puppy and I caught Polar Express. What an adventure! The whole journey was like, whao! And so heart warming... I refused to cry.

Met Bern at Tattoo later in the evening. Drank. Took a stroll down to 3 Monkey's Cafe for dinner and watched Chelsea took on Charlton. 4 nil to Chelsea. Yay!

Sunday.

Caught Mama Mia @ Esplanade. Enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The colours was brilliant... the music (ABBA) so... wow. All thanks to Angel! Yay!

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That was pretty much the highlight of the week. Took the day off yesterday. Played football and Sims with puppy most of the night and day. It was nice... can't wait to see puppy soon... Still feeling burnt out. From work. I'm just being lazy.