Eve 6 - Here's To The Night

So denied
So I lied
Are you the now or never type
In a day, in a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

*********************************************************

Made a last minute decision last Sunday to crash Moose's class @ Monash University in Malaysia 2 days into the week. I was a complete niusance to Moose, just like the old days. Sunway's Inn was a small decent room with 1 window half the size of Moose which he had to pay an extra RM5.00 for it(-_-). I was really upset to find the toothpaste Eka had sacrificingly left for my tragically beautiful yellow-tinged teeth gone after I had left the room to be made. It may be just a toothpaste, but if I had left anything else in the room it could have gone missing too. Fortunately for my paranoia I took my whole luggage with me. It wasn't much with a couple of tops, my daily vanities and sneakers.

It was my first trip completely alone to Malaysia on Aeroline. What spurred the spontaneity was the lack of inspirations since I had quit my job. Besides the petty fun of beating the crap outta Moose for whatever reasons and just chilling with a really good buddy, Malaysia just wasn't the place to seek inspirations. I tried to do something to my hair for the sake of change, but time wasn't on my side. It was a 3 days 2 night trip.

I returned feeling no more than I felt when I left.

Savings are running low and I am feeling the pressure.

Crashed Starfish's Environmental Psychology class earlier this morning. Complaining and whining in my head as I blogged, checking him out now and then.

*I had attempted to blog in the class when blogger could not publish my post, I came back to the Starfish's crib and found my draft empty.*

So why am I not being active on job search?
Because I'm feeling damn uninspired to.
Past experiences had demoralized me so.
Leaders no longer play an inspiring leading role,
but an authoratative pushover.

I want a job that inspires passion and integrity.

Something Jack Black has when he's doing his thing.

On Love

"Run: You have to learn to let to the other person be right. When arguments gets nasty, the one who got the nastiest has to give the most energy to heal the other person's heart. Divorce happens when you hit a stalemate, when you're locking horns. Somebody has to swallow the pride and say, basically, I'm wrong." Taken from an article where I have lost the link to.

I guess what would be the arguement to the above statement is, who is gonna know, who got the nastiest.

I guess when you have decided to commit your heart & soul to your partner, you will know deep down into your conscience, who said "fuck you" more. Or rather, whoever felt more wronged, you're probably the one at wrong.

Starfish thinks it's weird for me to dip katsu chicken into wasabe. I think it's only legal to dip Japanese style fried chicken into Japanese sauce.

Moose is tempting me to crash his class at Monash.

And why BURNOUT (the work of God Almighty) completely rocks for me, is that they do not embed images of hot chicks. All those with me; *RAISES FIST* BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!

I Quit

Saturday morning, 8th March.

Another Saturday burnt to work. Only this time, it was 10 times more dreadful.

Starfish's surprise offer to accompany me to work did little to pull me out of my thoughts of misery.

The night before I had told him that I have decided to quit. It was a matter of time that I hand in my resignation letter. I had wanted to wait till the end of this month. I honestly did not expect to feel like this Saturday, would be the day.

15 minutes before I left for work, I had Starfish help me print out my resignation letter.

As I made my way to the clinic, I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I could pull through another day.

I stepped into the clinic, and the air thickened. I knew I had to hand in my resignation letter to the Mrs, and definately could not have stayed any longer to make this day my last working day at the clinic.

The deed was done. The Mrs was being very understanding about it. I walked out, feeling awkward, and relieved at the same time.

The whole experience at this clinic was a tremendous eye opener.

I realized pursuing a passion without a certain degree of study could be rather futile. I did not get my chance to be a full time vet assistant because the training was not as promised, the clinic is busy almost always, time is simply not on my side.

If the boss hadn't want to put me on administrative duties, I honestly think I would have still been trying my way around vet assisting. I was too discouraged to even try out administrative duties and patiently wait for that chance again.

The plan now is to take a break. Haven't had a proper break from work since I've started working. And to re-consider my career options once again.

Doing my best to bring in positivity within my thoughts.

Occupational Hazard

Non-academically-medically equipped, I walked into a world of medicines, surgeries, blood, death, maggots, impatient senior nurses, and admiringly-talented-at-first, but agonizingly-annoying-perfectionist-of a boss (vet) now.

2 months of dreadful, non-systematic, unclear instructions, demoralizing training to becoming a vet assistant, which was stated when I was first interviewed, takes 6 months.

2 months, and my optimism, willingness, integrity to learn, has been crushed to self-doubt. I lost confidence. And I am still struggling within these dark walls to regain my confidence, and not lose myself.

Many of those close to heart has adviced that I quit, and walk out with my integrity still barely intact. But somehow, I feel like there's much to challenge here. Perhaps I can change the system. Even if it is just a little. I am looking for a way.

The other part of me wants to move on & seek a more encouraging environment. Somewhere learning is encouraged.

I haven't been feeling very positive lately, with regards to my well-being at work. I'm contemplating between ignoring the situation as it is and just focus on what I was required to do, or be liberal with my concerns, for my own self-growth & well-being.

I need courage.