Blood Diamond / Hurt Locker

I have been immobile for a loooooong time. Think I've slept through for 5 weeks and I don't remember nothing but trying not to barf. Eating, drinking, sleeping, communicating, housekeeping were difficult. It's only since a few days ago that I managed to finally gorge and hold down a full meal. 

Everything else just seem surreal.

Was on an emo ride last night, watching some of Michael Jackson's performances on Youtube and then couldn't stop sobbing when I realized our children will never get to know the King of Pop of all the millenniums to come. 

I know MJ lives. His legacy too huge a magnitude to die out. But it's just different, knowing he no longer breathes on this Earth.

I hope this Earth lasts long enough to keep MJ's music going for eternity.

A Warrior of Summer's Hope

29 September... explains all that primal territorial instincts.

a warrior... or summer's hope... 
there's a slight preference over each other for trivial reasons...
it won't actually matter.

They will be part of each other.

Resident Evil: Retribution / Dredd / Premium Rush

I am mood swinging like maaad.

One moment I'm so happy doing all sorts of stuff and the next I've got these unwelcoming, judgmental noises just running through my conscious mind almost non-stop.

I'm still trying to figure out if it's cos my period is running late or the annoying fact that I am still so fucking annoyed with the amount of self-righteous idiocracy I have to co-exist with.

For one, I am to keep the unwanted junk just because I have space and two, I am also to rent out our room just because I have spare.

Is the privacy of a newly-wed couple not allowed in this lifetime anymore?
Are people so insecure and defensive that they are becoming so painfully assuming?
Am I supposed to self-righteously help out or selfishly fulfill my own desire for happiness?

I am, truly, a self-righteous bitch. I've always known that. And I do sometimes, selfishly shove my self-righteous opinion into faces that annoys me so. Other than that, I keep my self-righteousness to myself. Because I do respect that fact that they made their own choices and lived the life they want to live.

And yes I do scoff at anyone that I deemed immorally unworthy of any self-righteous respect coming from me but at least I have that decency to keep it to the confinement of my damned mouth.

Oh I do get so painfully annoyed. I really do not care for any sort of 'advice' especially when I do not need one when it is something so trivial as to whether I want to keep my junk in this space of mine. I really... really... do not care for any of that.

What also annoys me is that, these almost unbearable annoying traits (or opposites) are surfacing closer to home. And now, thinking logically, I am in an extremely painful position where I have to decide whether to continue to suck it up or make that cruel (albeit relieving) decision to leave.

I am this close... to cutting myself off from their self-righteous world... should they not realize to keep their self-righteous opinions up their own self-righteous assbrains.

The Lady / Think Like A Man / The Hunger Games / The Pursuit of Happiness / Mirror Mirror / Rent A Cat

We escaped for 20 days to the L.A. to visit our bffs and while it was an ecstatic reunion and an enormous breath of fresh crisp air, I can't help but feel really bad about how incredibly relief I'd feel if I could just take off and leave familiarity.

It wasn't one of those trips where the grass is greener on the other side.

There were dangers, uneasiness as we visited the tourist town of San Francisco, the feeling of being a complete tourist, being an easy target. The San Diego zoo, unfortunately an all too familiar sight. The inconvenient travelling in L.A. (very used to the super efficient local transport system). Not that it's that bad in L.A. but having a car works as easy as taking that bus to Northpoint.

While the only economic awareness I have of the States is that employment rate is on the low, frozen probably, I love, I absolutely love the fact that people are just being people. Totally aware of each other's space. This could sound really selfish but it's honest. It made sense to me.

Here, it's a hypocritical island. People pretend to 'think' for you but they're actually thinking about themselves. It's probably just me but I definitely refused to be a part of the hypocrites, where it's the majority here.

I need to make do with what I can and what I have. Here, there is very very little I can make do with. I realize the authorities are PROBABLY doing its best to make things work in this country for most of us but, I feel like the minority and since asking for the country to move towards my ideal goal is a tad too selfish, I will make my move instead.

I just hope when that happens, nothing will try to keep me.

The Dark Knight Rises / The Dark Knight / Batman Begins / American Psycho

I thought I'd forgotten. The obsession returns and the perfect distraction. I'm not sure what's bringing about the panic attack this time round but my intrinsic sixth sense tells me it's the coming of the MIL. It's sparking off a whole lot of peeves; manipulation of human rights, the unintentional good intention, my own definition of obsessive compulsiveness etc. I've been on short breathes for almost a week now and the only time I felt a better sense of calm was when Christian Bale is on screen. Sigh the intensity. Looking forward to escape.

Prometheus / Madagascar 3 / Flowers of War / Arrietty / Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

Feels like just yesterday when I had decided to take onto the current project @ 'T'.
Feels like just yesterday when I had to dig deep, imploring into my beliefs.
Feels like just yesterday when I had been at liberty.
And today, or not, that I will soon to decide once again, to be or not to be.

While it has been a refreshing ride these past 2 months, I find myself swirling within, drowning out years of frustration and sensing uncertainty. Perhaps in a way a distraction. Perhaps the beginning of a desperately yearned adventure. The uncertainty brings about a strange sense of calm.

I'm not sure but something within stirs...

500 Days of Summer

I have never won any lottery or holiday/concert tickets but today, I consider myself the luckiest; I found my soul mate and I'd say that the odds are amongst the highest.

Wanting to be with me even at my grumpiest, tolerating my impatience, being sweet at my mercy... I cannot possibly asks for more. But I am. I want to spend more than a lifetime with him. Everything that I wasn't sure of before him, I couldn't be more sure now.

I Love Us.

Battleship

I'm feeling the universe today... like a lot. Life IS a lonely journey. No I didn't forget some very important and even those less important people. It's just... well if I hadn't pondered about some of the social standing issues which most deemed not worth their time, if I hadn't bit my lip & resort to ranting in my head, if I hadn't stop trying to be good, I wouldn't have been this slightly enlightened.

Only slightly, because I know I'm not quite there. But I can see. I've got the torch in my hand and now I make my way through what seems to be a lifelong tunnel. I'm probably the only one who knows what I meant and that's okay. It's all I need.

Alanis Morisette's That I Would Be Good sings in my head. I've got it all wrong before. And I'm well aware that I'm not the only one getting the concept of being good wrong. And I'm not gonna be one of them anymore.

So many times the universe has set me up and I couldn't see through my pride & anger. But I get it now.

I can't be good if I'm not bad.

Tenacious D

I can feel a lot of negative vibes lately. I haven't quite figure if it's coming from within or without. But something's for sure is that I can feel it from certain individuals. Of whom are the familiar acquaintances, certain family members and the air. The air is just bad. Dust everywhere. Haze from God knows where. *Coughs coughs*

Wherever it's from I'm learning to bring forth my inner peace and hopefully calm the sitch. Not that I'm a master at acquiring the inner peace but a girl can try.

The Grey

Once more into the fray... into the last good fight I'll ever know... Live and die on this day... live and die on this day...

and since, I've been seizing each and every day that I live, accepting all that I am with gratitude. Accepting that life IS hard and being human is harder. So I've decided to fight. I'll fight for the ones I love and fight away all that's no good for me. So once again, after a long long time, bite me.

Four Lions

Breathe... breathe... breathe... not because of wrath, it just made good sense to breathe in more oxygen for the human mind and body to work and be at it's best. I'll get better at anger management and have better comebacks. with the era closing in on judgement day it's not about being or doing right anymore. it's being wise and it's getting pretty easy to tell them apart. there honestly aren't many of these wisecracks with all the douchebags hanging around. sooooooooooo I'm gonna... let it be... let it be... let it be. we are but flesh and bones and maybe a bit of soul there are just too many roles to play. I'd wanna put on some quality show and then there's always karma to put these douche in place. so breathe, think and oooowadaaaaaah~~~!!!!!

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

2012 has been productive and kind so far. I am enjoying every moment of chores and making more effort for the people around us. All it needed was a change of attitude; mine. I'm seeing a pattern in growth. Namely from the surrounding people. It wasn't that they didn't get it. It was only a matter of time. Time and certain exposure or influence. I've also decided on a few 2012 resolutions. Namely speak less, listen more, which could lead to the impression of lessened empathy. I realized I may be trying to make people around me feel less guilty about certain things while I feel guilty about being a hypocrite. And then there's focus on the tasks-on-hands. I try to multi-task too much which leads to getting burnt out, add on frustration. Peace of mind, always. Feeling less guilty about how incredibly privileged the state of my being. I tend of torture myself by guilt tripping my every comfort and joy. I realized there is no point to this and instead I'm gonna do my best to be more proactive in the areas of my beliefs and principles. There's a lot of Zen influence in these and the more I learn the ways, the more determined I am to make quality in my life. There has been a glaring message from the universe (or that meditating book of Zen) that I shall seek without seeking.