My Happy Ending / He Wasn't

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did
Was it something you said

Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead
Held up so high on such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it
All of the memories so close to me just fade away
All these time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they

But they don't know me
Do they even know you
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it
All of the memories so close to me just fade away
All these time you were pretending so much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you care
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it
All of the memories so close to me just fade away
All these time you were pretending so much for my happy ending

***********************************************************

There's not much going on today
I'm really bored it's getting late
What happened to my Saturdays
Monday's coming, the day I hate

Sit on the bed alone
Staring at the phone

He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no
He wouldn't even open up the door
He doesn't make me feel like I was special
He isn't really what I'm looking for

This is when I start to bite my nails
And cleam my room when all else fails
I think it's time for me to bail
This point of view is getting stale

He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no
He wouldn't even open up the door
He doesn't make me feel like I was special
He isn't really what I'm looking

He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no
He wouldn't even open up the door
He doesn't make me feel like I was special
Like I was special, cos I was special

Inconsolable

The truth is, I am ashamed of being that angry bitch for that few hours.

But I don't really regret it.

Because I sure as hell did not deserve to deal with your fucked up attitude.

I am a man of peace & love. A typical justful Libran.

If it is unjust attitude you give, unjust treatment you will get.

Finley Quaye & WIlliam Orbit - DICE

I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Where your gardens have no walls

Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me

I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Misty mornings and water fall

Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me

Virtuous sensibility
Escape velocity
Nothing can compare

To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare
To when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing.

**************************************************

Mawia got me hooked since she asked about this song.

I love it too.

For some weird reason I dreamt I saw VJ.
When there's VJ, there'll be Angel.

And he was... gonna... rap... to some... R&B... uhh... song. Haha. 
And we were his, supports O_O Along with alot of other, Indian boys.

Then I dreamt of Fai (???) He was working at this Catholic Church (?!) 
He showed me a picture of this beautiful church (jaded-emerald-gold facade), 
I asked where it is, he mentioned some weird place 
and the name of the Catholic church was San Diego.

It happened to be his email add. For real. -_-

So yeah, he was working as some sorta orhanage volunteer at the church.
I remember Diyar & some other Malay dudes I used to see at poly were there too.
Helping out. Watching them play with the kids, making them laugh.
It was music to the ears.

I felt this awefully sweet warmth...

Thinking about it now... and I'm melting.

300 was, 2 hours of romance for me.

Sword strike of elegance...
The thrust of his spear...
The grace of blood...
Strong wield of shield...
His cocky humour reminded me...
And all over again.

Good luck to me.

Foo Fighters - Best of You

I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break, holding you
Were you born to resist, or be abused?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and on to someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use
I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose
My head is giving me life or death, but I can't choose
I'll swear I'll never give in, I'll refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith? It's real
The pain you feel?
Your trust?
You must confess.
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith? Its real.
The pain you feel?
The life? The love, you died to hear?
The hope that stops the broken hearts?
Your trust?
You must confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

've got another confession my friend, I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again, somewhere new
Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I'll refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith? It's real.
The pain you feel?
Your trust?
You must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Don't judge of my composure cos I'm lying to myself

It's been quite a ride of emotions the past fews day, in my head.

It was an unexpected encounter.

I felt like crying, laughing, fuming at the same time.

Took awhile for me to get over myself and for reality to sink in.

Even then it's still pretty darn dark.

I'm trying to look for a light. If not within myself. But I figured, why depend on anything else; I'm just as unsure.

Time flies and still feel like such a long time.

I'm looking for that light nonetheless. Even if it only shines for abit. I'm gonna keep looking for them all. I know they're out there.

Feeling a little lost. Overwhelmed.

I know I'm not alone. I'm just incomplete.

"And I wanna believe you... when you tell me that it'll be okay.... and I try to believe you... tomorrow it may change..."

I think I'm sad

Don't feel too good.
A sort of emptiness.
Sadness. Sort of.

Hmmm...

I'm sad...
Been sad for a few days...

No big... I'll be okay.

Moosey Moose should be settling down at the colleage now by.

Hung at his crib last night with Ziddy and Khai.
Watched Harold & Kumar and half of Borat.

Khai dozed... I dozed... Zid dozed...
Moose had to stay up, cos there was not much space left.
So he CSed.

He'll be back soon. Cos Malaysia is a terribly boring place.

Fuck. We're 23 this year.

Love, Peace & Ice Cream - Ben & Jerry's

Wend's 23rd birthday party (2 weeks ago) was rainy (no bbq marshmellows *sad*), warm (girlies plus the sarong Bambie bought for us from her Thailand trip) and real nice (food). Wend of course showed more interest in the bills then the montage. Naughty girl. But since she was feeling quite under the weather, she's totally forgiven *SAYANG*

Munk's back in town. Catching up (2 nights ago - office (Moose & Munk) - Fraser's Place (Moose, Munk & Gale) - Liat Tower's Burger King (Moose, Munk, Ziddy & Cuz) - PS Starbucks (Munk, Just, Andy Drewy) - Bencoolen St (Munk, Just, Andy Drewy & later on Benny) was great fun.

Hung out at Ikea Tampines with Moosey yesterday. And his parents. It was like a trip to the zoo. So many things to see and hit Moose with. I just can't help attempting to abuse him like that. One unintentional hit (flick of towel) kinda made the trip all worth the while (decided not to go to work). Got dragged to a not so small family function at Moose's auntie's place. No money, no marriage k Moose.

It felt like being with the Seremban gang seeing his family. Noisy, family.

Moose's in love with the lead singer of Ben & Jerry's in-house band. Cos she's pretty and sings good. Pfff. Tyical. Didn't appreciate Eric Clapton's Beautiful Tonight, Micheal Learns to Rock's 25 Minutes Too Late (@#$%&^?!). Makes me sad. Then it was The Wonder's That Thing You Do & Pearl Jam's Last Kiss that cheered me up.

Apocalypto was epic. Mel Gibson has not dissappoint. Very late supper back at Bencoolen with Moose and Yzzy. Poor gurl's under the weather too. Feel like I'm coming down with something myself.

Friends & family & music & furballs & trees & money are the best things in life.

Horoscope says I should work today. Hmmm...

Snuggle...?

Papa Roach - Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2] 

Rivermaya - You'll be safe here

Nobody knows
Just why we’re here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
‘Coz when nothing seems clear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You’ll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything’s unclear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You’ll be safe here

When no one understands
I’ll believe
You’ll be safe,
You’ll be safe
You’ll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You’ll be safe here

***********************************

If you haven't heard this beautiful piece, hear it now.

Puddle of Mud - Away From Me

Yea
Look at me now
Just sittin here by myself
And I think you found someone else
Now I'm gonna have to find
A way to put the bottle down
And why can’t you see
That I’m drowning in a pool of misery

I’m always afraid
That you’re gone
Away from me
I’m always afraid
That you’re lost in somebody
I’m always afraid
That you’re gone
Away from me
I’m always afraid
That you’re lost

So here I am
I wanna be by myself
And I think you’re fucking someone else
now im gonna have to find a way
To take the knife out of my back
And how could you leave me
Stranded in a closet full of bones

I’m always afraid
That you’re gone
Away from me
I’m always afraid
That you’re lost in somebody
I’m always afraid
That you’re gone
Away from me
I’m always afraid
That you’re lost

Maybe you could let me stay
Maybe just for one more day
You could help me stay the same
Maybe things won’t ever change
Maybe we could taste the rain
You could push me out the way

Now I sit here by myself
Think about somebody else
How could you let them take you away from me
There’s somebody else
There’s somebody else!


***********************************************************

I understand... I see... What am I to do? Sit around and wait?

I can't wait anymore. I'm tired. I want to move on.

I'm sorry you're hurting. But I can't pick you up anymore. I have myself to take care of.

I miss you.

I miss you love

It's been almost 2 months since we broke up. And it had to end this way. How many times must I repeat myself before I start losing it and yell it into your face? How many times must I explain myself? And must I? Isn't love about understanding? Even when we fight?

I hate you now. I hate the way you make me feel (now); so miserable for doing nothing wrong.

You said you had hope. And just what did you do these 2 months? Did you come looking for me? Were any flowers delivered to me? Did you ask to see me? You don't even ask how I am.

You asked if I'm seeing someone. I said yes. Now come to think of it, why did I even tell you? I should've know better. I should've known you'd react the way you've been for the past 1 month. But I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. That we would be adult about it.

You asked if I love you. You asked if I missed you. You asked if I still care. You asked all the questions that satisfies your heart. And then you got mad at me for being able to move on faster than you did. Just what did you expect? Wait for you to find someone before I move on?

You asked what if the roles were reversed. Don't you think I have thought about it? Thought about you seeing other people? Thought about you smiling while you're talking to her? Laughing at her wit? Holding her in your arms? Kissing her sweetly? Having it all that I had with you? You don't think I've thought about all that?

If that had happened, what could I have possibly done? I could only stick to my own world and feel sad & miserable. But I would never have done what you've been doing. I would never have taunt you for having found someone else. I would have felt like shit. But I want you happy too.

You say you want me happy. Then what is all these? Why are you threatening to hurt the people I care about? Because of your jealousy? You say whatever you want? And to me? Do you have a heart at all?

Who's to pick me up when I was broken? We broke up. You have no obligations to me. Neither do I have of you. Why are you being so selfish? You couldn't take me for all that I was. You make me deal with my own issues. I accepted that. You know very well yourself what kinda of man you have become. And I have ran out of patience and strength. Now that I'm able to move on, pick myself up, you punish me for it.

I should've change my number. People tell me if I love you enough I wouldn't have moved on this quick. What is this? A competition?

Look beneath:

It was a 3 years relationship. I saw the rest of my life with you. I saw us travelling, and possibly having kids & definatelty puppies. I saw us growing old. I saw us going places. I never saw this. I never saw I'd become so over-bearing. Never saw you'd give me excuses. Never saw that I'd go absolutely psycho because you don't give me one minute of attention.

We broke up. Because we changed. Things changed. We got tired. We couldn't deal anymore. We understood that. I thought you did.

But now I see that whatever it is that I do, it's all my fault. It's always me hurting you. Isn't it?

I would've walked miles for you. I would've done anything for you. Just to be with you. I have. And you know that. You broke my dreams. You broke my heart. I hate my weakness.

My moments of weakness with you is a reminder to me to be better everyday.

Along the way, something nice came along. Something distracted me of my weakness and finally puts a smile to my gloomy face, although it only lasts for awhile, compared to the tiny moments you have given me which can last me through any agonizingly horrendously painful days, it was just nice to have something forgotten again. Something which you forgot to give, which I have been missing for a long time, while we lost ourselves in fights.

Was that so wrong that you have to punish me for it now? So wrong that my love is being judged?

All I want is for someone to guide me through. And I thought it will always be you. You had that strength which I need. You were my everything. But you lost yourself as well.

And now you wouldn't even give me space to find my own happiness on my own, in my own ways. You kept judging me. In your eyes, I will always be that weak, that selfish. But amidst your judging, you forgot you made mistakes too. And I don't even blame you for it anymore.

I never thought I'd want you out of my life but I do. I cannot bear any more of you.

You make me want to be alone.

Am I ever gonna step out again?

In the name of Christmas

The year has been quite a ride. All the tears and laughter. I feel down most of the time. Usually when I'm alone. Thank God for my family and my girlies, they've made life less over-bearing. I 'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here. I'm feeling nostalgic. I miss alotta old routines. But inevitable that things change. Life goes on. No matter how hard I've tried to adapt. It's still hard. But thank God for the selected few who are close to heart. I don't want to die for them. I want to kill for them. I want to be there whenever they need me. Like how I need them. Inspire them, like how they've inspired me. This overwhelming love for these few is unspeakable. Not because it's hard. Saying them makes it sounds frivalous. But I'd say it anyway. So they know. And when the time comes, I'll prove it. I hope I have. And I'll never stop. I love all of you. Those dear to my hearts. You know who you are. I believe I've made it very clear. I've come to yet another turning point in my life. Nothing is predictable anymore. I'm not really on guard. And it scares me. Yet the adrenaline makes up for the strength to help me move on. To help myself, and help others. Merry Christmas to my favourite family, my favourite girls & boys. Merry Christmas to new friendships. Merry Christmas to Grandma. Marry Christmas to friends who've helped. Merry Christmas to my one and only. Merry Christmas to new beginnings. Merry Christmas to memories. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Sick Puppies - All The Same

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

*******************************

Within this song, I feel like I'm more of the second-person.

So if I take you for who you are, will you take me for everything?

I'm hoping...

I think I'm just tired...

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone...ohh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed
This world you must have crossed you said

You don't know me
You don't even care
Oooh yea
And she said you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains
Oooh yea

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field
When the flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you
You said you don't know me, and you don't even care
Oooh yea
Seh said you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains
Oooh yea

She said I think I'm going to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start over
No one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of of the weather
I think I'll get a lover
I'll fly them out to Spain

I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
I think I need a sun rise
I'm tired of the sunset
Here it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice
Oooh yea

You don't know me
You don't even care
Oooh yea

In Boston, no one knows my name
Yeaaa
No one knows my name
No one knows my name

In Boston no one knows my name

Augustana - Boston

Bambie

She did it. She's got her head shaved. She gave up part of our humane identity, our hair, to give hope to children with cancer.

Everytime I think about it I feel this overwhelming admiration for Bambie. So much so that I could cry. Tears for her courage. Tears for her generous warming heart. Tears for myself, for I'm ashamed to even think that I'm scared to do what she did.

No gifts in the world can compare to the gift she has given to the kids who needs it; hope.

SIMS 2

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead man's chest was one helluva long movie! And I got a little confused coming to the end. That's when I was told that there'll be a part three. Yay!

Seeing Johnny Depp in his essentric role as Jack Sparrow makes me wanna see Edward's scissors hands again. Saw it once when I was a child, I couldn't remember much except for this white face, messy jet black hair, and of course his scissors hands.

Hoodwinked was a good laugh too. It's rated G but somehow it feels like it's more for adults. There's just some things that I don't think a 5 year old will understand. Maybe except for a kid like Isabelle. Quoting Ruth, "She's five, going forty."

Isabelle thinks her dad is a 'forcer', because she wanted to eat something, but her dad said no and gave her something else instead. She told her nani that she went to the Night Safari and saw men in underwears. FYI, these men were some tribal dance performers. It could've got her nani wondering where in the world did we bring this kid. Isabelle also got annoyed with the hostess of the Creatures of the night show. She said, "Why is she talking to us like we're children?"

She is also the kid-DO, who told her Aunty Ruth, while holding Ruth's face & said matter-of-factly, "Aunty Ruth, you're very pretty you know, but why no men want?"

I was very amused/amazed with this kid. Still am in fact. I don't think I'd ever stop being amused/amazed. I love how straight-up she is, no baits. But I'm not sure if I can deal if I have a kid like Isabelle. I mean, where is the innocence of a child?! Wait a minute, what am I saying, she IS innocent!

We should be ashamed of ourselves. By 'we' I meant, US, ADULTS. Tsk tsk tsk.

I was SIM-ING full time the last weekend. Except for the periodically disruptions from my sisters. Only, the disruptions didn't last any longer than 2 periods of 45 minutes. I'm still boss.

Okay it's Monday, and both my bosses are on their way outta town, and I'm bored. I'm getting out of work in about 1 hours time. I CAN'T WAIT.

Did I mention I only have $10 left for the next 2 days till I get paid. My poorest record.

Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire

Love is a burning thing
And it makes a firery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
The ring of fire
The ring of fire

The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like our’s meet
I fell for you like a child
Oh, the fire went wild

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
The ring of fire
The ring of fire

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m had nasi pandang for lunch; big chicken drumstick, fried egg, vegetables (only touched a third of it), fishball soup. Then the 3 of us (me, M.Lady & Sheils) headed for Cedele for dessert. We shared a pavlova & a slice of cake (can’t remember what cake), not chocolate cake, cos I only had a few bites.

I’m so full!

Then I had a slice of cheesecake from Hilton’s for tea, cos it’s a colleague’s birthday.

Now I’m stuffed.

I wonder if I’ll eat somemore if someone shoves Boon Tong Kee’s chicken rice in my face…

Weekend was nice. Cuzzie’s couzin’s friend from South Africa was in town for vacation for a couple of days.

We brought him for lunch at Pasta Fresca cos he missed Italian food. According to Quint, spags in China, is like cooked instant noodles & tomato sauce slapped over it. FYI, he’s been working in China for the past 1 year.

The girls brought him out to party that night. I couldn’t go cos I was broke. Didn’t exactly feel like partying anyway. I’m getting old…

Saturday was the day, I had Boon Tong Kee’s chicken. Of course we couldn’t leave Quint out of the experience so we packed it back for him back at M.Lady’s (where he’e been putting up) & he loves it!

That Saturday night we brought him to the Night Safari (winner of many Tourism awards http://www.nightsafari.com.sg/about/awards.htm) before we sent him off for his flight to Zimbabwe at 0215hours, which was delayed for 4 hours, which apparently was no surprise. Delay for flights to & fro Zimbabwe was almost expected. Record delay so far is 38 hours. 4 hours according to Quint, is nothing.

Quint’s been great. He’s open-minded & he’s got so much to share with his travelling experience. It was a little sad he had to go so soon. Oh he’ll be back for the chilli crabs.

Met up with the girlies for MOS Burger at Bugis. I was hoping to have chicken rice for dinner again, but the girlies refused. They think it’s bad for me & they’re controlling my obsession for chicken rice. I ended up with a chicken rice burger anyway. Next time I’m getting a Tsukune Rice Burger; never. I’d rather pay more for sushi than eat that salty, chickeny shit again.

Peach made a photo montage album for Rex. The girl’s so creative, she should’ve kept that album as part of her portfolio. Prissy left early to go meet Earnie. So Peach, Bambie, Wend & I launched into mini games of Ting Xie (Chinese Spelling) and Zhao Ju (Sentence Construction).

It amazes me how I know how to write Chinese. Thousands of different Chinese characters and there we were, whipping the strikes & the strokes, messing them all up of course. After leaving school who gives a shit about writing Chinese anyway.

It was a nice Monday blue.

Breather

Sigh... finally... I'm slacking. For now.

Saw Rock Star Supernova last night. I don't know why I didn't bother with Rock Star INXS before.

Saw Re-Cycle also. First Chinese movie in a loooong time. It was freaky, at first. Then it got to a point when it got dreadful, then it became hilarious. *Spoilers ahead, highlight to see*

It's about this female novelist, starting on her new fiction novel, based on the supernatural. As she writes her first few sentences, describing her female character (tall, weird height, long hair), she ran outta inspiration & stopped, & then realized that her character had came to life, haunting her like a splitting shadow in her own home. Whenever her phone rang, she hears low moaning within the noisey static on the other end of the line, and then, sounding like a electronic toy doll, "ma-ma..".

And to confirm her theory that she's not just being an imaginative psycho, she continues to write (inspiration coming from the scares she's been getting from the constant shadow swishing & swooshing behind her & the bad reception phone calls). How she figured her character came to life, was when she found strands of hair, much longer than hers in her house, beside the kitchen sink & in the shower, where the shower tap was turned on, on it's own.

She wrote "She enters the lift & pressed for the 10th floor. The lift stopped at 7th, & the door opens."

She went out of her house to take the lift down, from the 10th floor. The lift descended, & stopped at 7th. The lift opened, she stepped aside, expecting someone to hop on board, but there was only the long dark stretch of the corridor. She pressed for the lift door to close, but the door opened halfway, as if there was something in between the lift door to keep it open when it tries to close.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a child & her granny appeared, they got on board, the lift continued down to the ground floor, she got out, and then she heard the granny called out to her grandchild whose skipped out of the lift already, "Come back... it's not our floor... there is still one more level down..." The kid skipped back, and they sank, into the lift.

She freaked, and ran out of the building, only, to discovered that the familiar street has turned into a war zone. Buildings are rustic & coming apart. Suddenly, a body falls from above infront of her. The next few seconds, tons of bodies fell, from either the building, or from the sky (pfff). The bodies laid down, twitching, writhing, and then they got up & started to chase her. That was when she saw her female character she created for her story. Long hair, slender & tall which kinda makes her look werid, pointing a finger & floating towards her.

She ran. Of course. Ended up in a huge land, or ruins. Met an old man (yes a human being) who told her that this is the World of the Abandoned. Everything that's abandoned will end up in that world. Anything from toys, aborted babies, ideas; ideas you created & scrapped, which explains the faceless character chasing the author if you didn't get it by now.

If this movie sounded promising so far, I would totally agree. Untill the second part.

So to cut the story short, the author has to make her way out of this space. Met this kid, who helped guided the author through moshpits of zombies & dead babies (well they're not exactly dead, they're just reincarnated in a way, in this junky world), who at the end of the journey, she reveals that she's the author's daughter, whom she aborted 8 years ago.

They've bonded through the journey, and of course, she couldn't possibly leave her daughter. But the kid couldn't go with her mom, not out of this world because she is, techinically, dead.

So here's the dreadful part. Suddenly, thaousands of zombies started to fall off the sky again, and for some reason they're going for the author. As they got closer, the zombies halted, as if time came to a stand still, and they started to dissipate.

Computer work comes into play here. Pixels of the zombies are dissipating and, it took almost 3 minutes to dissipate them all. I know it's alotta zombies. But comon. Weren't techonogy there to speed things up?! The author starts to get sucked into a ball of dissipated zombies, and that took another 3 minutes. Imagine, 3 minutes of watching something dissipate. I started laughing. I mean, come on already!!!

So back to the story. The author goes back to the real world, waking up with a start on her bed, sweating and all. And here, I cursed that it better not end as if it's all a dream. That would've been such a cheap shot! So she woke up and heard something swooshed past behind her. She walked out of her bedroom into her living room, before she saw anything, she heard a voice, her own voice, talking to someone on the phone, to Sandy, her friend.

"Sandy ah, I decided not to write on the supernatural story, I figured there's too much of me in the story, too personal... so I scrapped it, and I'm writing a sequel to that romance novel..."

She came face to face with herself, both got a shock, of course, and the phone starting ringing, and the voice machine picked up, and they hear static at the other end of the line. The End.

Yeap. That was the end. Get it?

Random Thoughts

over the past 1 month...

I didn't realize how stubbon I was (am). I had this bad stitch-like pain, like I sprained my side, so bad I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I stood as still as I could, tried to walk back from the bathroom to the bedroom as fast as I could (5cm step every 5mins) for almost 15 mins. I took about another 10 mins to get dressed, & finally, agonizing for the longest time, settled onto the bed, about half an hour plus later. The first 3 mins (and therafter) that I was in pain, Puppy offerred me pain killers, I refused to take, because first of all, I detest taking pills, & second of all, I thought it'd go away soon enough. Usually, when this happens, it only lasts no more then 2 mins (or so I thought...)

And he said, "You're THIS stubbon ah..." I was still in pain when I finally settled onto the bed. I still didn't take the pain killers.

G's going out with a man 7 years her senior, & I don't like it, & she knows it. Had a big argument about it. I still don't like it. I don't understand why can't she just date boys her age. She can wait another 10 years & she can date whoever she wants. Well, this I'm not sure, but now, I just don't feel she's in safe hands. Given, that I don't know him, & who the hell is he for me to know anyway. He's seeing my sister, if anything, he should know ME. And from the way I see it, I'm not impressed.

I don't know if they're still seeing each other. I haven't said a word about since that night's argument. I just pray that she knows what she's doing. I'd break his limbs if he tries anything stupid.

Been having this dull headache. My ankle felt sprained, I can't even remember if I sprained it. I've got a bruise on my left hand, I don't know where I knocked into. My appetite seems to be getting bad. I don't seem to crave for anything for the past 2 weeks. Once or twice I've craved for chicken rice (in these past 2 weeks). I had cereals for dinner. Went running last Friday (I think) after months of not exercising. Haven't been sleeping fine for the past 5 days. Had a good sleep last night (finally), but I'm sitting here feeling sleepy. Oh I had the best coffee (it's bitter sourish with a tinge of gold sugaring) at Pasta Fresca @ Boat Quay at lunch yesterday. For the first time coffee kept me awake. I was energized. I should've asked what coffee it was.

World Cup is almost over. And I've been tempted to bet. Tested my gut feelings on a few matches, they don't seem quite accurate.

I'm tired of being involved. My memory is failing me.

Current read: Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes, courtesy of M.Lady. I'm not done. I just started. So I can't say much, but it's a must read. Makes my hair stands...

When she loves you...

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says I love you, She means it.

When a GIRL says "I miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that.