Uhhhh...

Last week on my way home, I saw 2 of my old high school mates. I thought one of'em looked rather familiar but because the train was crowded, I couldn't really call out to'em. As the train clears out, one of'em saw me and called my name. Yay. They remembered. I got off my seat to join'em. They just stared.

"Whaaaaat... why yall staring at me like that?!"

Stare stare. Look look. Stare.

"What what whaaaat?!!"

"You've changed... alot...", one of them finally said.

I blushed and denied.

I have changed quite abit. Alot of old friends who'd recognize me would tell me that.

"More confident," the same one said.

I guess as you grow you get use to the world. And it has been a long, long time.

I'll be seeing alotta old friends sometime this weekend at ex-wife's 21st birthday chalet and I'm half dreading it cos, well, I really don't wanna be dealing with anymore you've changed's.

I dreamt of us (me and pups) getting married. Actually, rehearsing for our wedding ceremony. It's gonna be in the swimming pool. It was deep, and I felt this anxiety about the pool. Me and pups, the bridesmaid and best man are supposed to waddle towards the middle of the pool where the minister was waiting and where he'll be pronouncing us husband and wife. I was having a difficult time keeping my head above the suface after awhile and started to sink.

Because I was sinking, someone said we should take a break. I was swimming to the edge to catch my breath, puppy was already there, talking to his mother. She was not the same woman I know in real life.

Before I forget, very important, in the dream, puppy's physique was...wwhhhhhhaaooooo... *drools*

In the dream, I know I did not have a good relationship with his "mother" (vice versa in real life) and puppy was a full time mommy's boy. So as I swam towards the edge, towards him, I heard her telling him to, "..make sure when you marry her over, she cleans the dishes, do the laundry...," bacially, she thinks I'm a maid. I got pissed, told puppy that the wedding's off. And I waddled off in the opposite direction and ran away.

That wasn't the end of the dream but the point was pretty much it. Throughout the dream I was feeling this unspeakable anxiety. Not about the wedding (you'd think it's a good omen), about something I can't seem to put my tongue on it.

Now those of you who believes in dream interpretation, you'd think I've brought my hidden emotions (about something I felt) into my concious mind. I'd think otherwise. I think I've been haunted.

Come to think of it, I haven't been feeling myself lately. I felt as if a part of my soul is trapped in another dimensions. I've been phasing out and... I just felt... missing. I don't know if I've brought bad spirits upon me (unknowingly). And I have a feeling that the dreams I've been having these days (although adventurous, but dreadful), might have something to do with these... bad spirits. And when I wake, I feel incomplete.

I was pretty oblivious about it till Sunday. I'm not sure if it's just pup's mom's moodiness that was affecting me or because I just felt dirty (it was quite a humid day and I was too lazy to bathe). At the end of the day, I went home, took a shower, made sure I scrubbed myself clean before I hit the sack. I talked to god before I dozed. And I felt better.

I was told that having dreams of any kind of wedding is not a good omen. I checked it up on a couple of dream dictionary sites and one of'em described it as negative, a sign of death or funeral. I remember passing by a funeral when we (me, pups and pup's mom) were going for dinner on Sunday. Literally it just explained itself.

Full description: To dream of a wedding is a sign of a death and a funeral. There are various other meanings, but this one has always been the cardinal rule for weddings as they symbolize new beginnings, but only at the cost of the death of the former 'life'. This death could mean various types of endings, not necessarily that of the body.

I passed by a funeral literally, but it also didn't have to mean that of a body... so what is it? I'm still trying to figure out what part of my life is coming to an end and brewing towards a new beginning...

Puppy's getting his tattoo done today on his inner forearm; Till I collapse. I can't wait to see it.