There are kids who get on my nerves like an ant biting into my skin.
Smart, rude kids. Not because they meant to be (rude), at least I'd like to believe, but probably because they didn't get enough patience from mom and dad.
Goldfish is 6, pretty and bossy. She'd command, instead of ask. I've heard her commanded for her father to "bring my shoe." I'd find myself restraining to sudden intense bloodflow at times when they get too much (smart) for me to handle.
Yesterday was the bowling trip with the Mainspringers. Nothing much except for the usual warnings given out to specific few and loud bursts of "NOBODY MOVES UNLESS YOU'RE TOLD TO OR YOU'LL STAY ON THE BUS." I surprised them (and myself) at how loud I get sometimes.
What almost made my day or melted my ironed heart was when Goldfish handed me her roll of Mentos and told me to "take one". I was thinking, what, like you can't take one yourself? So to give her the benefit of the doubt, I asked, "you want one?" She shook her head. I asked again, "you wanna give me one?" She nodded.
And she's back on my good book.
Then as I was busy handling the 7 year old amateurs, this adorably chubby and smart and gives a little attitude sometimes kid, offered me her chips. I shook my head and said no thank you, she insisted, I persisted, and she stuffed a chip into my mouth. Just like that.
I chuckled at her cool sweetness.
Then as I made my way to the back of the bus to check on the boy who was having gastric, an older kid, who's been *ahem* a fan of mine, gave me a hug. Just for the heck of it. She's always been sweet this girl.
Moments like these made me feel life in a very subtle way.
Been missing the zoo terribly...
Merry Christmas everyone.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
It was...
"In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring, I marry you..."
:)
:)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Remember remember, the 15th of November!
Starfish and I are now lawfully wedded :)
All those close to heart had gathered at Dallas this faithfully beautiful night to witness the holy union. And yours truely almost threw a huge fit about the terribly managed music. The staff had no idea what they were doing. I didn't know what they were doing. Starfish didn't know what they were doing.
Good thing Alex (bar manager) came to the rescue in the midst of me fixing up the stereo's wires before I completely lose it.
Anything can go wrong but my music.
But then come to think of it, the night was perfect in almost every other aspect. Everyone whom starfish and I had adored were there. Including one of starfish's best bud from Taiwan along with his adorable beau. Speaking of whom, we had fun bringing them around and hanging.
And most importantly on this night, I married the man I truely want to spend the rest of my bitchiest life with.
I'm happy.
The only thing that's really bugging me right now is that I can't remember the full oath before I slid that ring onto starfish's finger...
"I... love... abiding trust... and with this ring, I marry you."
All those close to heart had gathered at Dallas this faithfully beautiful night to witness the holy union. And yours truely almost threw a huge fit about the terribly managed music. The staff had no idea what they were doing. I didn't know what they were doing. Starfish didn't know what they were doing.
Good thing Alex (bar manager) came to the rescue in the midst of me fixing up the stereo's wires before I completely lose it.
Anything can go wrong but my music.
But then come to think of it, the night was perfect in almost every other aspect. Everyone whom starfish and I had adored were there. Including one of starfish's best bud from Taiwan along with his adorable beau. Speaking of whom, we had fun bringing them around and hanging.
And most importantly on this night, I married the man I truely want to spend the rest of my bitchiest life with.
I'm happy.
The only thing that's really bugging me right now is that I can't remember the full oath before I slid that ring onto starfish's finger...
"I... love... abiding trust... and with this ring, I marry you."
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tropic THUNDERRRRR
I resisted the urge to applaud when it was over because I was too fucking self-conscious in this awefully-dull-unappreciative-judgemental society.
It was brilliant.
After Starfish & I walked out of the theatre, we couldn't help bursting into short bursts of laughs replaying fragments of the movie.
Then it made me feel almost surreal-ly freaked when I was explaining who Lance (N'Sync) was to Starfish while crossing the pedestrian with this dude (infront of us) in tight strippy top, floppy cap and really tight jeans with really tight black nylon socks that goes thigh high OVER the jeans(?!)
Then I freaked again at the end of the pedestrian when I saw a man standing in front of one of those green bins, at a pee position (?!) No he wasn't peeing, according to Starfish. Phew!
I thought my world is just gonna get freakier after watching Tropic Thunder. I was on the lookout for anything else to freak me out.
Watch it. And you'll probably know what I mean.
It was brilliant.
After Starfish & I walked out of the theatre, we couldn't help bursting into short bursts of laughs replaying fragments of the movie.
Then it made me feel almost surreal-ly freaked when I was explaining who Lance (N'Sync) was to Starfish while crossing the pedestrian with this dude (infront of us) in tight strippy top, floppy cap and really tight jeans with really tight black nylon socks that goes thigh high OVER the jeans(?!)
Then I freaked again at the end of the pedestrian when I saw a man standing in front of one of those green bins, at a pee position (?!) No he wasn't peeing, according to Starfish. Phew!
I thought my world is just gonna get freakier after watching Tropic Thunder. I was on the lookout for anything else to freak me out.
Watch it. And you'll probably know what I mean.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Dream Dictionary: Shark
To see a shark in your dream, represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities. Alternatively, you may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. The shark symbolizes feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others.
Mmhmm.
Mmhmm.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Ego Stroke
Reminiscing, teaching was a pretty self absorbing experience. I found it hard to concentrate on anything else but lesson planning. And when I stepped into the classes, there was a rush of... power. And it felt damn good.
I was Emperor.
Ok enough boasting. But it felt really good. I was conquering. A small part of it.
Teaching is a lifestyle. A full time lifestyle, which I find it hard to commit with other personal commitments.
It is an obvious ego stroking career. How some of us gets devoured by the attention we are getting. Some couldn't take the humiliation (wits) and turned aggressive. There were the few who had such a heart that they'd go the extra miles to help.
10 weeks of experience was the most fulfilling I have ever felt. And I still dream about it.
Currently I've been busy with the house.
Making trips to law firm to settle miscellaneous stuff.
Contacting contractors to clean out the house.
Head cracking up with all the financial decisions.
Dealing with unecessary opinions.
Fighting against temptation to blow up budget. (Blown some already).
And doing some long term planning, something I'm not very good at.
I'm better at trying to be optimistic.
Partay.
I was Emperor.
Ok enough boasting. But it felt really good. I was conquering. A small part of it.
Teaching is a lifestyle. A full time lifestyle, which I find it hard to commit with other personal commitments.
It is an obvious ego stroking career. How some of us gets devoured by the attention we are getting. Some couldn't take the humiliation (wits) and turned aggressive. There were the few who had such a heart that they'd go the extra miles to help.
10 weeks of experience was the most fulfilling I have ever felt. And I still dream about it.
Currently I've been busy with the house.
Making trips to law firm to settle miscellaneous stuff.
Contacting contractors to clean out the house.
Head cracking up with all the financial decisions.
Dealing with unecessary opinions.
Fighting against temptation to blow up budget. (Blown some already).
And doing some long term planning, something I'm not very good at.
I'm better at trying to be optimistic.
Partay.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
It took 3 weeks of trial out @ Mainspring. Then 10 weeks of practicum (as trained teachers would call it) @ a high school.
Experience gauge: OVERLOAD.
Almost pleasingly rewardingly overloaded. If it weren't for other personal commitments calling for urgent attention.
The preparation for the move has been as smooth as it could not have been. The pressure comes from inside the head. Worrying about the bits.
Ask me if I feel like a grown up. Not really. It's been hectic, but I'm loving the adventure.
Been dreaming about my students since I quit just before the school holidays. I do miss em. Miss what I could have accomplished.
But that's life right. Always having to make the toughest decision and making the most out of it.
Can't wait to see how the house is gonna turn out.
Experience gauge: OVERLOAD.
Almost pleasingly rewardingly overloaded. If it weren't for other personal commitments calling for urgent attention.
The preparation for the move has been as smooth as it could not have been. The pressure comes from inside the head. Worrying about the bits.
Ask me if I feel like a grown up. Not really. It's been hectic, but I'm loving the adventure.
Been dreaming about my students since I quit just before the school holidays. I do miss em. Miss what I could have accomplished.
But that's life right. Always having to make the toughest decision and making the most out of it.
Can't wait to see how the house is gonna turn out.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
With Regards To...
My last post, it was horribly angrily written.
My friends, to have grown up together with them.
My family, to have been so open-mindingly supportive.
My career, to have it rolling at a somewhat comfotable pace if I don't think too much about it.
Starfish, to have kept me focus, made me nervous, and have me in bliss all these while.
I have a long way to go and I'm glad to have these people (& things) to keep me going.
My friends, to have grown up together with them.
My family, to have been so open-mindingly supportive.
My career, to have it rolling at a somewhat comfotable pace if I don't think too much about it.
Starfish, to have kept me focus, made me nervous, and have me in bliss all these while.
I have a long way to go and I'm glad to have these people (& things) to keep me going.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Artistic Death of an Innocent Animal
If you guys haven't heard, Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, a claimed artist from Costa Rica, tied up a stray emaciated dog in an art gallery.
******************************************************************
"Hello everyone. My name is Guillermo Habacuc Vargas. I am 50 years old and an artist.
Recently, I have been critisized for my work titled "Eres lo que lees", which features a dog named Nativity.
The purpose of the work was not to cause any type of infliction on the poor, innocent creature, but rather to illustrate a point.
In my home city of San Jose, Costa Rica, tens of thousands of stray dogs starve and die of illness each year in the streets and no one pays them a second thought.
If you google this fucker's name, you will find that his work (this one in particular) is getting bombarded with criticisms from the hypocritical public, getting every other hypocrites to sign a petition against some sort of animal rights.
Every single google page. Right till to the last. It was all, but his artwork. I searched. You would think the internet would display certain paintings or sculptures of some sort. The dude is infamous.
Now that he has risked that quiet (humane) reputation with this sort of controversy, he is now known as the proclaimed artist who showcased cruelty.
Articles after articles, it was all about how he had tied this sick hungry dog up in an art gallery. Some say he'd starved Natividad Canda. One article claimed he had provided it food within its reach. Blah blah blah.
My question is, why does everyone pretend to care? What the fuck, is signing this petition going to do?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in petition against the civilized war, against environmental damages, domestic violence, fur hunting. But signing against artistic death of an innocent animal? Do they even understand the harshness of coming up with a controversial title like that? Are controversies to be signed against?
con - tro - ver - sy [kon-truh-vur-see] -noun, plural - sies.
1. a prolonged public dispute, debate or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion
2. contention, strife, or argument
Habacuc tied & accusingly starved Natividad Canda up and showcased his opinions in an art gallery. How wrong does this sentence sound? It sounds so wrong, that Habacuc should be put behind bars, or even to death, by the millions of animal activists.
Why isn't he? Furthermore he had won first prize to some title apparently.
Everyone is so goddamn caught up with the obligated morality, that the ONLY thing they can be bothered doing, is sign a petition. Someone kill the fucker then. He deserves it. Doesn't he? All animal activists wants him dead. So many of you (judging by the amount of petition that has been going around), not one of you can actually DO something about it?
And just how much has all those who has signed the petition been doing to help? Do you (after reading & signing the petition) take a sick dog home, feed and clean it and have it live its last moments in comfort? Do you take it to a vet and see if any amount of costly surgeries can save a life?
Do you, so-called, animal lovers, take it in stride to prove this so-called artist, wrong to have put up a sick animal on display; of your hypocrisies?
I shouldn't put it this way. I should say, if we, as human beings have been so great on helping the world get better, Habacuc wouldn't have to take a stray dog and starve (if he really did) it, and have you people watch it die. Like how you probably had when you have walked past a sick dog without a second thought, lying in some alley, waiting for death to end it's torment.
God bless those with the ability to do your part to help these poor animals.
Habacuc is trying to showcase hypocrisy in us human. And all you hyprocrites have proved him right. Natividad Canda have died in vain.
An artist can be a cruel thing.
******************************************************************
"Hello everyone. My name is Guillermo Habacuc Vargas. I am 50 years old and an artist.
Recently, I have been critisized for my work titled "Eres lo que lees", which features a dog named Nativity.
The purpose of the work was not to cause any type of infliction on the poor, innocent creature, but rather to illustrate a point.
In my home city of San Jose, Costa Rica, tens of thousands of stray dogs starve and die of illness each year in the streets and no one pays them a second thought.
Now, if you publicly display one of these starving creatures, such as the case with Nativity, it creates a backlash that brings out a big of hypocrisy in all of us.
Nativity was a very sick creature and would have died in the streets anyway."
Quoted from guillermohabacucvargas.blogspot.com
Natividad Canda was his name.
***********************************************************************Nativity was a very sick creature and would have died in the streets anyway."
Quoted from guillermohabacucvargas.blogspot.com
Natividad Canda was his name.
If you google this fucker's name, you will find that his work (this one in particular) is getting bombarded with criticisms from the hypocritical public, getting every other hypocrites to sign a petition against some sort of animal rights.
Every single google page. Right till to the last. It was all, but his artwork. I searched. You would think the internet would display certain paintings or sculptures of some sort. The dude is infamous.
Now that he has risked that quiet (humane) reputation with this sort of controversy, he is now known as the proclaimed artist who showcased cruelty.
Articles after articles, it was all about how he had tied this sick hungry dog up in an art gallery. Some say he'd starved Natividad Canda. One article claimed he had provided it food within its reach. Blah blah blah.
My question is, why does everyone pretend to care? What the fuck, is signing this petition going to do?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in petition against the civilized war, against environmental damages, domestic violence, fur hunting. But signing against artistic death of an innocent animal? Do they even understand the harshness of coming up with a controversial title like that? Are controversies to be signed against?
con - tro - ver - sy [kon-truh-vur-see] -noun, plural - sies.
1. a prolonged public dispute, debate or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion
2. contention, strife, or argument
Habacuc tied & accusingly starved Natividad Canda up and showcased his opinions in an art gallery. How wrong does this sentence sound? It sounds so wrong, that Habacuc should be put behind bars, or even to death, by the millions of animal activists.
Why isn't he? Furthermore he had won first prize to some title apparently.
Everyone is so goddamn caught up with the obligated morality, that the ONLY thing they can be bothered doing, is sign a petition. Someone kill the fucker then. He deserves it. Doesn't he? All animal activists wants him dead. So many of you (judging by the amount of petition that has been going around), not one of you can actually DO something about it?
And just how much has all those who has signed the petition been doing to help? Do you (after reading & signing the petition) take a sick dog home, feed and clean it and have it live its last moments in comfort? Do you take it to a vet and see if any amount of costly surgeries can save a life?
Do you, so-called, animal lovers, take it in stride to prove this so-called artist, wrong to have put up a sick animal on display; of your hypocrisies?
I shouldn't put it this way. I should say, if we, as human beings have been so great on helping the world get better, Habacuc wouldn't have to take a stray dog and starve (if he really did) it, and have you people watch it die. Like how you probably had when you have walked past a sick dog without a second thought, lying in some alley, waiting for death to end it's torment.
God bless those with the ability to do your part to help these poor animals.
Habacuc is trying to showcase hypocrisy in us human. And all you hyprocrites have proved him right. Natividad Canda have died in vain.
An artist can be a cruel thing.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Terrified. Petrified. Mortified. And stupified by you. - John Nash -
Watched: A Beautiful Mind.
Time flies and still feels like a long time.
Been out of job since the beginning of March. So what have I been doing?
Thinking. Alot.
And feeling negative.
I'm useless. Undetermined. Unmotivated. Easily annoyed. Depressed. Stupid. Broke. Cynical. Skeptical. More judgemental. Just plain unhappy with myself.
And it only melts away with ice-creamy and chocolatey moments. Oh also when I saw Fit, Fai and Fau on the streets of Orchard and my long time brofriend/guitar teacher Satish @ Chips (Tattoo revived!!).
Sleep tires me out with chains of nightmares. Day wears me with the incessant activities of its day.
I wanna get away to a beautiful beach where the sea is clear and the sand is white. Waves to surf and fish to eat.
Where my eyesight is perfect and my skin is clear.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours on ironing Starfish's shirts. They were crumpled and made me feel like ironing the creases out. If being a housewife is a professional job I may just consider doing it.
I don't like the term though. Housewife. I'd call it, Butlress (pron. But-erl-ress).
Hi, I'm a Butlress. I decorate, iron, clean, cook, massage, read, write, draw, travel for inspiration, I walk the dog, and sleep till anytime I want.
Do I sound desperate? I think I'm desperate.
I haven't felt this lost for awhile.
Time flies and still feels like a long time.
Been out of job since the beginning of March. So what have I been doing?
Thinking. Alot.
And feeling negative.
I'm useless. Undetermined. Unmotivated. Easily annoyed. Depressed. Stupid. Broke. Cynical. Skeptical. More judgemental. Just plain unhappy with myself.
And it only melts away with ice-creamy and chocolatey moments. Oh also when I saw Fit, Fai and Fau on the streets of Orchard and my long time brofriend/guitar teacher Satish @ Chips (Tattoo revived!!).
Sleep tires me out with chains of nightmares. Day wears me with the incessant activities of its day.
I wanna get away to a beautiful beach where the sea is clear and the sand is white. Waves to surf and fish to eat.
Where my eyesight is perfect and my skin is clear.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours on ironing Starfish's shirts. They were crumpled and made me feel like ironing the creases out. If being a housewife is a professional job I may just consider doing it.
I don't like the term though. Housewife. I'd call it, Butlress (pron. But-erl-ress).
Hi, I'm a Butlress. I decorate, iron, clean, cook, massage, read, write, draw, travel for inspiration, I walk the dog, and sleep till anytime I want.
Do I sound desperate? I think I'm desperate.
I haven't felt this lost for awhile.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Eve 6 - Here's To The Night
So denied
So I lied
Are you the now or never type
In a day, in a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
*********************************************************
Made a last minute decision last Sunday to crash Moose's class @ Monash University in Malaysia 2 days into the week. I was a complete niusance to Moose, just like the old days. Sunway's Inn was a small decent room with 1 window half the size of Moose which he had to pay an extra RM5.00 for it(-_-). I was really upset to find the toothpaste Eka had sacrificingly left for my tragically beautiful yellow-tinged teeth gone after I had left the room to be made. It may be just a toothpaste, but if I had left anything else in the room it could have gone missing too. Fortunately for my paranoia I took my whole luggage with me. It wasn't much with a couple of tops, my daily vanities and sneakers.
It was my first trip completely alone to Malaysia on Aeroline. What spurred the spontaneity was the lack of inspirations since I had quit my job. Besides the petty fun of beating the crap outta Moose for whatever reasons and just chilling with a really good buddy, Malaysia just wasn't the place to seek inspirations. I tried to do something to my hair for the sake of change, but time wasn't on my side. It was a 3 days 2 night trip.
I returned feeling no more than I felt when I left.
Savings are running low and I am feeling the pressure.
Crashed Starfish's Environmental Psychology class earlier this morning. Complaining and whining in my head as I blogged, checking him out now and then.
*I had attempted to blog in the class when blogger could not publish my post, I came back to the Starfish's crib and found my draft empty.*
So why am I not being active on job search?
Because I'm feeling damn uninspired to.
Past experiences had demoralized me so.
Leaders no longer play an inspiring leading role,
but an authoratative pushover.
I want a job that inspires passion and integrity.
Something Jack Black has when he's doing his thing.
So I lied
Are you the now or never type
In a day, in a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
*********************************************************
Made a last minute decision last Sunday to crash Moose's class @ Monash University in Malaysia 2 days into the week. I was a complete niusance to Moose, just like the old days. Sunway's Inn was a small decent room with 1 window half the size of Moose which he had to pay an extra RM5.00 for it(-_-). I was really upset to find the toothpaste Eka had sacrificingly left for my tragically beautiful yellow-tinged teeth gone after I had left the room to be made. It may be just a toothpaste, but if I had left anything else in the room it could have gone missing too. Fortunately for my paranoia I took my whole luggage with me. It wasn't much with a couple of tops, my daily vanities and sneakers.
It was my first trip completely alone to Malaysia on Aeroline. What spurred the spontaneity was the lack of inspirations since I had quit my job. Besides the petty fun of beating the crap outta Moose for whatever reasons and just chilling with a really good buddy, Malaysia just wasn't the place to seek inspirations. I tried to do something to my hair for the sake of change, but time wasn't on my side. It was a 3 days 2 night trip.
I returned feeling no more than I felt when I left.
Savings are running low and I am feeling the pressure.
Crashed Starfish's Environmental Psychology class earlier this morning. Complaining and whining in my head as I blogged, checking him out now and then.
*I had attempted to blog in the class when blogger could not publish my post, I came back to the Starfish's crib and found my draft empty.*
So why am I not being active on job search?
Because I'm feeling damn uninspired to.
Past experiences had demoralized me so.
Leaders no longer play an inspiring leading role,
but an authoratative pushover.
I want a job that inspires passion and integrity.
Something Jack Black has when he's doing his thing.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
On Love
"Run: You have to learn to let to the other person be right. When arguments gets nasty, the one who got the nastiest has to give the most energy to heal the other person's heart. Divorce happens when you hit a stalemate, when you're locking horns. Somebody has to swallow the pride and say, basically, I'm wrong." Taken from an article where I have lost the link to.
I guess what would be the arguement to the above statement is, who is gonna know, who got the nastiest.
I guess when you have decided to commit your heart & soul to your partner, you will know deep down into your conscience, who said "fuck you" more. Or rather, whoever felt more wronged, you're probably the one at wrong.
Starfish thinks it's weird for me to dip katsu chicken into wasabe. I think it's only legal to dip Japanese style fried chicken into Japanese sauce.
Moose is tempting me to crash his class at Monash.
And why BURNOUT (the work of God Almighty) completely rocks for me, is that they do not embed images of hot chicks. All those with me; *RAISES FIST* BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess what would be the arguement to the above statement is, who is gonna know, who got the nastiest.
I guess when you have decided to commit your heart & soul to your partner, you will know deep down into your conscience, who said "fuck you" more. Or rather, whoever felt more wronged, you're probably the one at wrong.
Starfish thinks it's weird for me to dip katsu chicken into wasabe. I think it's only legal to dip Japanese style fried chicken into Japanese sauce.
Moose is tempting me to crash his class at Monash.
And why BURNOUT (the work of God Almighty) completely rocks for me, is that they do not embed images of hot chicks. All those with me; *RAISES FIST* BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I Quit
Saturday morning, 8th March.
Another Saturday burnt to work. Only this time, it was 10 times more dreadful.
Starfish's surprise offer to accompany me to work did little to pull me out of my thoughts of misery.
The night before I had told him that I have decided to quit. It was a matter of time that I hand in my resignation letter. I had wanted to wait till the end of this month. I honestly did not expect to feel like this Saturday, would be the day.
15 minutes before I left for work, I had Starfish help me print out my resignation letter.
As I made my way to the clinic, I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I could pull through another day.
I stepped into the clinic, and the air thickened. I knew I had to hand in my resignation letter to the Mrs, and definately could not have stayed any longer to make this day my last working day at the clinic.
The deed was done. The Mrs was being very understanding about it. I walked out, feeling awkward, and relieved at the same time.
The whole experience at this clinic was a tremendous eye opener.
I realized pursuing a passion without a certain degree of study could be rather futile. I did not get my chance to be a full time vet assistant because the training was not as promised, the clinic is busy almost always, time is simply not on my side.
If the boss hadn't want to put me on administrative duties, I honestly think I would have still been trying my way around vet assisting. I was too discouraged to even try out administrative duties and patiently wait for that chance again.
The plan now is to take a break. Haven't had a proper break from work since I've started working. And to re-consider my career options once again.
Doing my best to bring in positivity within my thoughts.
Another Saturday burnt to work. Only this time, it was 10 times more dreadful.
Starfish's surprise offer to accompany me to work did little to pull me out of my thoughts of misery.
The night before I had told him that I have decided to quit. It was a matter of time that I hand in my resignation letter. I had wanted to wait till the end of this month. I honestly did not expect to feel like this Saturday, would be the day.
15 minutes before I left for work, I had Starfish help me print out my resignation letter.
As I made my way to the clinic, I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I could pull through another day.
I stepped into the clinic, and the air thickened. I knew I had to hand in my resignation letter to the Mrs, and definately could not have stayed any longer to make this day my last working day at the clinic.
The deed was done. The Mrs was being very understanding about it. I walked out, feeling awkward, and relieved at the same time.
The whole experience at this clinic was a tremendous eye opener.
I realized pursuing a passion without a certain degree of study could be rather futile. I did not get my chance to be a full time vet assistant because the training was not as promised, the clinic is busy almost always, time is simply not on my side.
If the boss hadn't want to put me on administrative duties, I honestly think I would have still been trying my way around vet assisting. I was too discouraged to even try out administrative duties and patiently wait for that chance again.
The plan now is to take a break. Haven't had a proper break from work since I've started working. And to re-consider my career options once again.
Doing my best to bring in positivity within my thoughts.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Occupational Hazard
Non-academically-medically equipped, I walked into a world of medicines, surgeries, blood, death, maggots, impatient senior nurses, and admiringly-talented-at-first, but agonizingly-annoying-perfectionist-of a boss (vet) now.
2 months of dreadful, non-systematic, unclear instructions, demoralizing training to becoming a vet assistant, which was stated when I was first interviewed, takes 6 months.
2 months, and my optimism, willingness, integrity to learn, has been crushed to self-doubt. I lost confidence. And I am still struggling within these dark walls to regain my confidence, and not lose myself.
Many of those close to heart has adviced that I quit, and walk out with my integrity still barely intact. But somehow, I feel like there's much to challenge here. Perhaps I can change the system. Even if it is just a little. I am looking for a way.
The other part of me wants to move on & seek a more encouraging environment. Somewhere learning is encouraged.
I haven't been feeling very positive lately, with regards to my well-being at work. I'm contemplating between ignoring the situation as it is and just focus on what I was required to do, or be liberal with my concerns, for my own self-growth & well-being.
I need courage.
2 months of dreadful, non-systematic, unclear instructions, demoralizing training to becoming a vet assistant, which was stated when I was first interviewed, takes 6 months.
2 months, and my optimism, willingness, integrity to learn, has been crushed to self-doubt. I lost confidence. And I am still struggling within these dark walls to regain my confidence, and not lose myself.
Many of those close to heart has adviced that I quit, and walk out with my integrity still barely intact. But somehow, I feel like there's much to challenge here. Perhaps I can change the system. Even if it is just a little. I am looking for a way.
The other part of me wants to move on & seek a more encouraging environment. Somewhere learning is encouraged.
I haven't been feeling very positive lately, with regards to my well-being at work. I'm contemplating between ignoring the situation as it is and just focus on what I was required to do, or be liberal with my concerns, for my own self-growth & well-being.
I need courage.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I wish I could count to ten
"I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Starwars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
And make everything be wonderful again..."
Everclear - Wonderful
Sometimes when you go into a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get yourself out.
So I seek solace in Goo Goo Dolls' Slide, Everclear's Wonderful, Alanis Morisette's You Learn, Jewel's Standing Still...
Everything takes time. Everything. Learning, growing, understanding, accepting.
Time isn't exactly favoured. Everybody needs time. Everybody wants time. But it isn't favoured.
Time flies. Time drags. Time stretches the mind. Time forces you to take control.
Losing time means losing control. And I don't like losing it.
Time tells when you should feel relief. It tells when you're going completely psycho.
Time is precious. It never turns back.
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Starwars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
And make everything be wonderful again..."
Everclear - Wonderful
Sometimes when you go into a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get yourself out.
So I seek solace in Goo Goo Dolls' Slide, Everclear's Wonderful, Alanis Morisette's You Learn, Jewel's Standing Still...
Everything takes time. Everything. Learning, growing, understanding, accepting.
Time isn't exactly favoured. Everybody needs time. Everybody wants time. But it isn't favoured.
Time flies. Time drags. Time stretches the mind. Time forces you to take control.
Losing time means losing control. And I don't like losing it.
Time tells when you should feel relief. It tells when you're going completely psycho.
Time is precious. It never turns back.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Sunday, February 03, 2008
I am sick. And I am not amazing.
I am grumpy. Annoyed. Frustrated. Exhausted.
I.want.to.be.pampered.
AND I AM NOT AMAZING.
I.want.to.be.pampered.
AND I AM NOT AMAZING.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Vet Assistant Day 1
I'm not loving it yet.
Puppies and rabbits were adorable. Miscarriaged cats and infected dogs are uneasy. Syringes and knocking the air outta em are non-fulfilling.
The jargons are Greek to me.
I don't feel like I belong, even when there were moments where the Pomenarian puppy I was carrying laid comfortably sleepily in my arms, when a Westie lick my face while holding on to him for examination. Although I must add, it didn't feel good when a Pekinese growled at me. I don't really blame him. He was trembling.
I just don't feel good.
Puppies and rabbits were adorable. Miscarriaged cats and infected dogs are uneasy. Syringes and knocking the air outta em are non-fulfilling.
The jargons are Greek to me.
I don't feel like I belong, even when there were moments where the Pomenarian puppy I was carrying laid comfortably sleepily in my arms, when a Westie lick my face while holding on to him for examination. Although I must add, it didn't feel good when a Pekinese growled at me. I don't really blame him. He was trembling.
I just don't feel good.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Starfish
So it's been another long while. Got the day off from work, hanging at The Starfish's, babysitting Noa, trying to get my thoughts for the past 2 months organized, and learn to plan for my future; 1 month ahead to begin with. Sounds like growing up to me.
Working at the zoo has been rather confusing for me. A mixed of emotions with regards. Frustration within contentment. Confusion within goals. Numbness within passion.
Starfish concluded I may be going through a transition period.
A passionate job that will pay off everything that is required to live life without materialistic pressure. Too greedy? Wishful thinking? I don't think so. I believe. I just have to keep searching.
*************************************************
The above was written more than a month ago. I had it saved as a draft, meaning to continue, and, well, here I am.
So I resigned from the one place where I thought would bring my life to fulfilment finally.
Since young I have always dreamed of being a zookeeper, amongst other glamorous ambitions.
Today, Singapore Zoo is just another disapoointment. It wasn't what I had dreamed. It was just another phase I had to go through. Which means to say, it was a great working experience while it lasted. It also made me see things as it is; entertainment business.
Conserving wasn't the matter. Business was very much it. So much so that it almost felt like 'conserving' was manipulated into 'business'. I'd hate to think it this way. Perhaps with my ignorant mindset that I feel that Singapore Zoo was less, or no longer about conservation.
I thought I could save myself from the disappointment by looking into a change of environment, a different department. Least to say, to my further disappointment, not only did they reject my transfer, I was almost discouraged from going into zookeeping. Why? Because it's tougher on the other side.
On the other hand there were the few who advised and encouraged. The few who sees the problem of the management, but can't bear to leave the animals they have been with. Kudos.
While looking for a way into zookeeping, I also opened up my career options; vet assisting, hospitality, stewarding etc.
Perhaps through much desperate thought, the universe found its voice to me. A buddy/cohort from zoo, told of a vet clinic looking for vet assistants (vet nurses to be exact, I just prefer the term 'assistant', less feminine). Figured this would probably be my chance.
Sent in my resume. Got a call the next morning. Went down for an interview the same day. And got confirmed the day after.
At this point I should be feeling quite excited about it. A career, where I work with animals (!)
So why am I not? Instead, I'm nervous. And not a pleasant one.
Perhaps it was the environment; definately not as spacious as the zoo. Perhaps it was the idea that this is my first full time job and I'm feeling intimidated. Or perhaps I have been disappointed by my own dream ambition.
Nonetheless, I got the job. A fresh start for the new year. I should be thankful. And that I am.
On another note, Starfish and I had never had our month-versary, because we'd never really know when we became official. But I like it this way. This will probably make Valentine's Day a little more special :)
Working at the zoo has been rather confusing for me. A mixed of emotions with regards. Frustration within contentment. Confusion within goals. Numbness within passion.
Starfish concluded I may be going through a transition period.
A passionate job that will pay off everything that is required to live life without materialistic pressure. Too greedy? Wishful thinking? I don't think so. I believe. I just have to keep searching.
*************************************************
The above was written more than a month ago. I had it saved as a draft, meaning to continue, and, well, here I am.
So I resigned from the one place where I thought would bring my life to fulfilment finally.
Since young I have always dreamed of being a zookeeper, amongst other glamorous ambitions.
Today, Singapore Zoo is just another disapoointment. It wasn't what I had dreamed. It was just another phase I had to go through. Which means to say, it was a great working experience while it lasted. It also made me see things as it is; entertainment business.
Conserving wasn't the matter. Business was very much it. So much so that it almost felt like 'conserving' was manipulated into 'business'. I'd hate to think it this way. Perhaps with my ignorant mindset that I feel that Singapore Zoo was less, or no longer about conservation.
I thought I could save myself from the disappointment by looking into a change of environment, a different department. Least to say, to my further disappointment, not only did they reject my transfer, I was almost discouraged from going into zookeeping. Why? Because it's tougher on the other side.
On the other hand there were the few who advised and encouraged. The few who sees the problem of the management, but can't bear to leave the animals they have been with. Kudos.
While looking for a way into zookeeping, I also opened up my career options; vet assisting, hospitality, stewarding etc.
Perhaps through much desperate thought, the universe found its voice to me. A buddy/cohort from zoo, told of a vet clinic looking for vet assistants (vet nurses to be exact, I just prefer the term 'assistant', less feminine). Figured this would probably be my chance.
Sent in my resume. Got a call the next morning. Went down for an interview the same day. And got confirmed the day after.
At this point I should be feeling quite excited about it. A career, where I work with animals (!)
So why am I not? Instead, I'm nervous. And not a pleasant one.
Perhaps it was the environment; definately not as spacious as the zoo. Perhaps it was the idea that this is my first full time job and I'm feeling intimidated. Or perhaps I have been disappointed by my own dream ambition.
Nonetheless, I got the job. A fresh start for the new year. I should be thankful. And that I am.
On another note, Starfish and I had never had our month-versary, because we'd never really know when we became official. But I like it this way. This will probably make Valentine's Day a little more special :)
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Realizing a dream (Day 3 & 4)
Was totally knackered on the 3rd day. Knocked out naked on my bed after I got out of shower.
3rd day was another day of husbandry; upper & snakes dens. It was interestingly laborious.
Today was script training. I sucked. Period.
I don't know how I am going to make it through the next 3 days. Gonna do my best nonetheless. My career path seems rather bleak at this moment. Probably because I'm feeling discouraged because I suck.
Gonna boost my ego with a little Ben & Jerry's (S'mores) and Royce chocolates and back to memorizing/practicing on my scripts before I knock out.
Yawnz...
3rd day was another day of husbandry; upper & snakes dens. It was interestingly laborious.
Today was script training. I sucked. Period.
I don't know how I am going to make it through the next 3 days. Gonna do my best nonetheless. My career path seems rather bleak at this moment. Probably because I'm feeling discouraged because I suck.
Gonna boost my ego with a little Ben & Jerry's (S'mores) and Royce chocolates and back to memorizing/practicing on my scripts before I knock out.
Yawnz...
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Realizing a dream (Day 2)
For the first time, I held a snake, Storm, a Royal Ball Python.
Was a little nervous at first. Took a few minutes to settle myself down with Storm. It was sweet.
Husbandry was laborious, as expected.
I felt this bond with Yaka, the puma. I thought she wanted to play with me. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, since I don't know how to read a puma's behavior yet.
Food prep is definitely not my favorite part of the job scope. Too much of meat even though I get a slight thrill seeing raw meat on documentaries.
John was helpful. The fact that he was new with me kinda helped eased some of my tension.
Still feeling rather apprehensive about this job though.
And missing the sungei orangs too.
Was a little nervous at first. Took a few minutes to settle myself down with Storm. It was sweet.
Husbandry was laborious, as expected.
I felt this bond with Yaka, the puma. I thought she wanted to play with me. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, since I don't know how to read a puma's behavior yet.
Food prep is definitely not my favorite part of the job scope. Too much of meat even though I get a slight thrill seeing raw meat on documentaries.
John was helpful. The fact that he was new with me kinda helped eased some of my tension.
Still feeling rather apprehensive about this job though.
And missing the sungei orangs too.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Realizing a dream (Day 1)
Shockingly political.
To think that I'm finally stepping up to realizing a dream, also means realizing politics at it's most prominent.
All these times I thought I've been lucky enough. Luck does run out. And always at the worst timing for me.
I only pray to not let it fray my focus.
1 day down, 6 more to go.
To think that I'm finally stepping up to realizing a dream, also means realizing politics at it's most prominent.
All these times I thought I've been lucky enough. Luck does run out. And always at the worst timing for me.
I only pray to not let it fray my focus.
1 day down, 6 more to go.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Greenday - Basket Case
Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bones no doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paraniod
Or am I just stoned
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dream
She said it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
She said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cos it's bringing her down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid
A ya ya ya
Grasping to control
So I better hold on
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid
Or am I just stoned
**************************************************
Tried to take my mind off the whole post holiday depression, still, the universe seems to want to remind me of it; Ratatouille's Remy, Juls mentioning about his colleague, Yan. Replaying songs the jungle boys had played with their guitars.
Am I really cracking up.
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bones no doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paraniod
Or am I just stoned
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dream
She said it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
She said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cos it's bringing her down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid
A ya ya ya
Grasping to control
So I better hold on
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind play tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid
Or am I just stoned
**************************************************
Tried to take my mind off the whole post holiday depression, still, the universe seems to want to remind me of it; Ratatouille's Remy, Juls mentioning about his colleague, Yan. Replaying songs the jungle boys had played with their guitars.
Am I really cracking up.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Hardcore Borneo Style: Friendship & Adventure
Got back from the most memorable trip on Thursday night and I still haven't unpacked. I didn't want to unpack the memories...
Every step me and Bambie took, we were contemplating about turning back.
It was one of the hardest thing to do, leaving Kinabatangan, leaving the so charmingly down to earth jungle boys, leaving the jungle life and returning to city life.
What amazed me most was the fact that I didn't think it would have been such an amazingly breathtaking experience.
Sure I've always wanted to backpack, and this was my first backpacking trip, with Bambie, and meeting her 2 mates (Y.J & Neo) from the same zoo affinity. We were helluva retarded, had hella fun.
Sandakan was different from the Malaysia I know. It was kinder.
First 2 days were spent overnight at this humbly beautifully bohemianly decorated hostel (Sandakan Backpackers) located at Harbour Sqaure, just by the coast of the sea. Simply beautiful. We visited Agnes Keith's Tea & Breakfast house on top of a hill nearby, overlooking the sea. It was serene at it's best in a classy English environment, I fell asleep just sitting. Played a game of croquet after some delightful tea & desserts. How English were we.
Didn't get to visit Agnes Keith's House because it was RM2 for locals, and RM15 for foreigners. We were on a budget trip after all. Maybe the next time. Yes, there will be a next time.
Monday morning (30 August) we packed up, took some last shots from the backpackers suite, scribbled our appreciation on the welcomed army green wall, and made our way to Sepilok, where we were picked up & brought to our main destination of this trip; Uncle Tan's Wildlife Camp.
It was about 15 minutes ride from Sepilok to Uncle Tan's op base. At Uncle Tan's op base, we registered & fed ourselves. At this point of time, I was getting pretty excited.
After which at 1430h, it was an 1 hour road trip to Sungai Kinabatangan, and about 20 minutes speedboat ride in the rain, to Uncle Tan's Wildlife camp, where memories started and will forever etched in me and Bambie's mind.
We were greeted by young jungle guides, most of them not any older than me and Bambie. Their friendly nature was greatly appreciated. After all, I was feeling quite apprehensive about staying in the jungle for 3 days, with only having river water to shower with, huts with only mattresses & mosquito nets, minimal electricity provided, where lights will be out by 12 midnight, where toilets have no flush, where creepy crawlies can be seen creeping... *shudders*
It's Bambie's & Y.J's 2nd trip to Uncle Tan's wildlife camp, so I guess they pretty much know what to expect. Whereas for me, I was paranoid whenever I felt something dropped on my head or flew into my face. That was how it was like on the first day for me.
By the 2nd day I was pretty much getting used to things flying into my face, and still slightly squealy and feeling jumpy about it.
The morning boat ride down the river channels to catch wildlife in action (proboscis, silverleaf, macaque monkeys) was refreshing. The late morning jungle trekking was fun. The time spent after trekking was pretty much up to us to do whatever we want. So, we lazed. Like the monkeys did. It was getting warmer by noon after all.
Late afternoon boat ride down the stream again to catch more monkeys in action. Because of the high water level, we only spotted one crocodile which disappeared quickly under the water. No snakes were spotted. Hornbills, stocks, eagle of some sort and vibrant colored king fishers were quite a common sight.
Late night jungle trekking was quite a thrill. With the aid of only our torches through the dark jungle, our late night guide, Leo, managed to caught hold of a scorpion, a palm sized new spotted tarantula specie in the area, and walked us through many muddy spots, where I personally have problems with because I keep getting stuck. Bambie had to keep an eye on me, just in case I get left behind. She was my heroine through the treks.
Night jungle trek was the last itinerary of the day. Me and Bambie managed to spent some bonding time with our guides late into the night. Talking about anything, having a beer or two. Lan, the manager has proclaimed Bambie his wifey after he experimented his Thai-taught reflexology on her feet. Sweet. Haha.
Our nights were spent bonding with our charmingly earthly jungle guides. For 3 nights. Laughing so hard our stomach hurts and tears were brimming. Playing card games, learning how to speak each other's languages. It was good times. Definitely.
On the last day of our stay before we depart the next morning, we took a swim into the river. I was a little petrified. Crocodiles do exist around the area. But Yan and Jeff pretty much assured us if there were any, they'd smell it.
These jungle boys are such earthly souls, so natural you forget how true human nature is like. They get together and break into music and songs with their guitars, singing upbeat tempos. Making everyone feel like home in the wilderness.
Guitars + Beers + Wilderness = Rockin' Jungle Life.
No one may share the same sentiments as me and Bambie, but we really could have stayed there forever. I don't know if this depressingly yearning feeling is temporary. But what I know for now for sure, is I have fallen in love with the Sungai Orangs of Uncle Tan's wildlife camp, and the jungle life they've showed us, with a Hardcore Borneo Style.
A return trip is definitely in the planning.
Every step me and Bambie took, we were contemplating about turning back.
It was one of the hardest thing to do, leaving Kinabatangan, leaving the so charmingly down to earth jungle boys, leaving the jungle life and returning to city life.
What amazed me most was the fact that I didn't think it would have been such an amazingly breathtaking experience.
Sure I've always wanted to backpack, and this was my first backpacking trip, with Bambie, and meeting her 2 mates (Y.J & Neo) from the same zoo affinity. We were helluva retarded, had hella fun.
Sandakan was different from the Malaysia I know. It was kinder.
First 2 days were spent overnight at this humbly beautifully bohemianly decorated hostel (Sandakan Backpackers) located at Harbour Sqaure, just by the coast of the sea. Simply beautiful. We visited Agnes Keith's Tea & Breakfast house on top of a hill nearby, overlooking the sea. It was serene at it's best in a classy English environment, I fell asleep just sitting. Played a game of croquet after some delightful tea & desserts. How English were we.
Didn't get to visit Agnes Keith's House because it was RM2 for locals, and RM15 for foreigners. We were on a budget trip after all. Maybe the next time. Yes, there will be a next time.
Monday morning (30 August) we packed up, took some last shots from the backpackers suite, scribbled our appreciation on the welcomed army green wall, and made our way to Sepilok, where we were picked up & brought to our main destination of this trip; Uncle Tan's Wildlife Camp.
It was about 15 minutes ride from Sepilok to Uncle Tan's op base. At Uncle Tan's op base, we registered & fed ourselves. At this point of time, I was getting pretty excited.
After which at 1430h, it was an 1 hour road trip to Sungai Kinabatangan, and about 20 minutes speedboat ride in the rain, to Uncle Tan's Wildlife camp, where memories started and will forever etched in me and Bambie's mind.
We were greeted by young jungle guides, most of them not any older than me and Bambie. Their friendly nature was greatly appreciated. After all, I was feeling quite apprehensive about staying in the jungle for 3 days, with only having river water to shower with, huts with only mattresses & mosquito nets, minimal electricity provided, where lights will be out by 12 midnight, where toilets have no flush, where creepy crawlies can be seen creeping... *shudders*
It's Bambie's & Y.J's 2nd trip to Uncle Tan's wildlife camp, so I guess they pretty much know what to expect. Whereas for me, I was paranoid whenever I felt something dropped on my head or flew into my face. That was how it was like on the first day for me.
By the 2nd day I was pretty much getting used to things flying into my face, and still slightly squealy and feeling jumpy about it.
The morning boat ride down the river channels to catch wildlife in action (proboscis, silverleaf, macaque monkeys) was refreshing. The late morning jungle trekking was fun. The time spent after trekking was pretty much up to us to do whatever we want. So, we lazed. Like the monkeys did. It was getting warmer by noon after all.
Late afternoon boat ride down the stream again to catch more monkeys in action. Because of the high water level, we only spotted one crocodile which disappeared quickly under the water. No snakes were spotted. Hornbills, stocks, eagle of some sort and vibrant colored king fishers were quite a common sight.
Late night jungle trekking was quite a thrill. With the aid of only our torches through the dark jungle, our late night guide, Leo, managed to caught hold of a scorpion, a palm sized new spotted tarantula specie in the area, and walked us through many muddy spots, where I personally have problems with because I keep getting stuck. Bambie had to keep an eye on me, just in case I get left behind. She was my heroine through the treks.
Night jungle trek was the last itinerary of the day. Me and Bambie managed to spent some bonding time with our guides late into the night. Talking about anything, having a beer or two. Lan, the manager has proclaimed Bambie his wifey after he experimented his Thai-taught reflexology on her feet. Sweet. Haha.
Our nights were spent bonding with our charmingly earthly jungle guides. For 3 nights. Laughing so hard our stomach hurts and tears were brimming. Playing card games, learning how to speak each other's languages. It was good times. Definitely.
On the last day of our stay before we depart the next morning, we took a swim into the river. I was a little petrified. Crocodiles do exist around the area. But Yan and Jeff pretty much assured us if there were any, they'd smell it.
These jungle boys are such earthly souls, so natural you forget how true human nature is like. They get together and break into music and songs with their guitars, singing upbeat tempos. Making everyone feel like home in the wilderness.
Guitars + Beers + Wilderness = Rockin' Jungle Life.
No one may share the same sentiments as me and Bambie, but we really could have stayed there forever. I don't know if this depressingly yearning feeling is temporary. But what I know for now for sure, is I have fallen in love with the Sungai Orangs of Uncle Tan's wildlife camp, and the jungle life they've showed us, with a Hardcore Borneo Style.
A return trip is definitely in the planning.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I am such an idiot.
Sometimes I just say and do things without thinking, really. Without considering whether it's really funny, or it could hurt someone's feelings. Not that I do it unintentionally. I just want to be funny. At other people's expense unknowingly. When I realized what a stupid thing I said (or did), I can't stop kicking myself for a long time. Then I'd stone thinking how stupid I am, and make fucking stupid mistakes at work, which doesn't help with my morality at all when you get told off (for the mistakes made) in a condescending manner.
Why ah. Why I so stupid one. Think I smart right. Fucking think I'm damn smart right. See la. See what I did. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
I need a hug. Need someone to tell me it's okay people make mistakes. Then again I probably don't deserve it because I'm so goddamn motherfucking mindnumbingly STUPID.
Sigh.
I dunno why but Robbie Williams' Sexed up seemed to fit weirdly with how stupid I'm feeling now.
Loose lips on ships
I'm getting to grips
With what you said
Know it's not in my head
I can't awake and forget day after day
Why don't we talk about it
Why do you always doubt
That there can be a better way
It doesn't make me want to stay
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shut praying they won't stray
And when I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
You said we're fatally flopped
When I'm easily bored
Is that okay?
Strike me off your list
Made this the last kiss
I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it
I'm only here Don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met
Chorus
Screw you I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you
Let's all gone to wasted Saturday
I'll go out and find another you
Why don't we
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shirt praying they won't stray
Oh! When I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
Why ah. Why I so stupid one. Think I smart right. Fucking think I'm damn smart right. See la. See what I did. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
I need a hug. Need someone to tell me it's okay people make mistakes. Then again I probably don't deserve it because I'm so goddamn motherfucking mindnumbingly STUPID.
Sigh.
I dunno why but Robbie Williams' Sexed up seemed to fit weirdly with how stupid I'm feeling now.
Loose lips on ships
I'm getting to grips
With what you said
Know it's not in my head
I can't awake and forget day after day
Why don't we talk about it
Why do you always doubt
That there can be a better way
It doesn't make me want to stay
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shut praying they won't stray
And when I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
You said we're fatally flopped
When I'm easily bored
Is that okay?
Strike me off your list
Made this the last kiss
I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it
I'm only here Don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met
Chorus
Screw you I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you
Let's all gone to wasted Saturday
I'll go out and find another you
Why don't we
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eye shirt praying they won't stray
Oh! When I sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
"Where we do what werkz"
It has been a great social experience. I've learned things I never would have if I didn't step up. The people are a great bunch to work with. The boys are relatively charming in their own cheeky ways. The ladies were gems to work with. So far I have enjoyed every working day. Plus Bambie being there with me makes it all the more fun! :)
It's not all bliss. There were a few unfortunate incidents. Some of which were due to my own incompetency and idiocy. Some are plainly because the Mad Ostrich was just being, well, mad.
Otherwise, I've been in and out of some unfortunate, and probably self-caused emotional rides to certain overdue issues. Just some things I've been thinking about. Like what I would like in a life partner.
Career wise, I've got some things planned out. Thanks to an old friend, I might just get something going somewhere; realizing a dream *breathes*
I'm in a much better place now. With the help of those who are close to heart.
There are still some things left unsettled. I'm working out how to go about settling it. Just to have some sorta peace of mind. So I can focus better.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I'm overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you
- Alanis Morissette -
It's not all bliss. There were a few unfortunate incidents. Some of which were due to my own incompetency and idiocy. Some are plainly because the Mad Ostrich was just being, well, mad.
Otherwise, I've been in and out of some unfortunate, and probably self-caused emotional rides to certain overdue issues. Just some things I've been thinking about. Like what I would like in a life partner.
Career wise, I've got some things planned out. Thanks to an old friend, I might just get something going somewhere; realizing a dream *breathes*
I'm in a much better place now. With the help of those who are close to heart.
There are still some things left unsettled. I'm working out how to go about settling it. Just to have some sorta peace of mind. So I can focus better.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I'm overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you
- Alanis Morissette -
Friday, June 08, 2007
Rejected
Am I not nice enough? Not good enough? Not pretty enough?
Third. Time.
I even got almost-naked for you man.
You've got me depressed.... again.
Hell I'm doing it again.
Till the last inch of my pride fades away.
Till you tell me I'm just no good.
S.I.A, I am flying you.
Third. Time.
I even got almost-naked for you man.
You've got me depressed.... again.
Hell I'm doing it again.
Till the last inch of my pride fades away.
Till you tell me I'm just no good.
S.I.A, I am flying you.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Relented
I've been holding on so tight, I didn't even realize because it got numbed.
But when you let the blood rushed back into your nerves, you'd realize just because you haven't any sensation doesn't mean it isn't there.
Everytime I think I've let it go, it just seemed I did so reluctantly. And reluctant I was. Undeniably reluctant.
Why? Maybe because I couldn't accept the truth. The truth that I was just not good enough for him.
I'm not telling myself this just to put myself down. Some things just don't work out the way you want it.
I may think back and still feel sad. It'll be one of those milestones in life I've to overcome.
Acceptance doesn't mean I've to fight back my emotions, right?
I pray I'll be whole again.
But when you let the blood rushed back into your nerves, you'd realize just because you haven't any sensation doesn't mean it isn't there.
Everytime I think I've let it go, it just seemed I did so reluctantly. And reluctant I was. Undeniably reluctant.
Why? Maybe because I couldn't accept the truth. The truth that I was just not good enough for him.
I'm not telling myself this just to put myself down. Some things just don't work out the way you want it.
I may think back and still feel sad. It'll be one of those milestones in life I've to overcome.
Acceptance doesn't mean I've to fight back my emotions, right?
I pray I'll be whole again.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Asperger's Syndrome
Sure. EVERYONE has got their opinions on everything. I totally respect that. But it just so seems that not everyone appreciates being respected, and give respect (in this matter) in return.
What really annoys me is that they're so worried about not being heard, that they IMPOSE their 2 cents worth. It's disrespectful.
I've been noticing certain social situations, and being aware of how I've reacted to them.
For example, I was on my usual transport back home, 3 others were talking about something to do with homosexuals. I can't quite remember WHAT they said, but I remember HOW it was talked about.
I realized I get very turned off with conversations that sound like everyone is trying to make everyone else hear what they have to say, so much so that you hear one trying to block the other out by repeating the FIRST word 6 times (or more) before they go on. If the other refuses to shut up by the third (or more) repeat, it gets louder.
How impossibly impolite.
I'm guilty of it sometimes. I've learnt if you want to be heard, you listen. Same thing with respect. You don't command it (by raising your voice), it is to be earned (give, to take).
So, shush.
What really annoys me is that they're so worried about not being heard, that they IMPOSE their 2 cents worth. It's disrespectful.
I've been noticing certain social situations, and being aware of how I've reacted to them.
For example, I was on my usual transport back home, 3 others were talking about something to do with homosexuals. I can't quite remember WHAT they said, but I remember HOW it was talked about.
I realized I get very turned off with conversations that sound like everyone is trying to make everyone else hear what they have to say, so much so that you hear one trying to block the other out by repeating the FIRST word 6 times (or more) before they go on. If the other refuses to shut up by the third (or more) repeat, it gets louder.
How impossibly impolite.
I'm guilty of it sometimes. I've learnt if you want to be heard, you listen. Same thing with respect. You don't command it (by raising your voice), it is to be earned (give, to take).
So, shush.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Not crossing the line
Recent situations arose that affirms this principle.
(You know how it's like sometimes to contradict your own principles. Human nature.)
While it's flattering, but to think that *imagine this* your close friend might be trying to get into your ex's pants, makes me feel sick to the stomach. Literally.
I felt weird, uncomfortable, and almost feeling sick to the point where I feel like puking. I might sound like I'm exaggerating here, but it's been trialed first hand, unknowingly. (I always give the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty.)
Rule number 666: Never get involve (intimately) with your ex's friends, especially when they're really close. It's not just wrong, you might be hurting someone you care about, which I think it's worst than being wrong.
But of course if you had a bad breakup and you're wildly attracted to his/her friends, jump right in. If it works out to be a blooming relationship, good for you. Otherwise, you'd probably end up being on that "slutty ex" conversations.
I don't get how some people can just do it. Either they're too caught up with themselves to care, or really just being hypocrites in general.
I know I sound like a prude and judgemental. But that's only cause I felt really, really, really upset with the situation.
And it makes me wonder if I was already on that topic to have caused these "possibilities".
Ugh.
(You know how it's like sometimes to contradict your own principles. Human nature.)
While it's flattering, but to think that *imagine this* your close friend might be trying to get into your ex's pants, makes me feel sick to the stomach. Literally.
I felt weird, uncomfortable, and almost feeling sick to the point where I feel like puking. I might sound like I'm exaggerating here, but it's been trialed first hand, unknowingly. (I always give the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty.)
Rule number 666: Never get involve (intimately) with your ex's friends, especially when they're really close. It's not just wrong, you might be hurting someone you care about, which I think it's worst than being wrong.
But of course if you had a bad breakup and you're wildly attracted to his/her friends, jump right in. If it works out to be a blooming relationship, good for you. Otherwise, you'd probably end up being on that "slutty ex" conversations.
I don't get how some people can just do it. Either they're too caught up with themselves to care, or really just being hypocrites in general.
I know I sound like a prude and judgemental. But that's only cause I felt really, really, really upset with the situation.
And it makes me wonder if I was already on that topic to have caused these "possibilities".
Ugh.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Third Eye Blind - How's it gonna be
I wonder if you think me
Now that I'm out of your life
I wonder if you miss me
Like how I miss you sometimes
I wonder if you truly loved me
Like you said you did
I wonder if you hate me now
For whom I have been
I wonder if you're good
Like how I'm trying to be
I wonder if you still feel like king
Like how you made me queen
I wonder if you'd ever love again
I wonder if I would
I wonder if I still want to know
I wonder if you do
I wonder if we'd ever meet again
I wonder what I'd do if I could turn back time
I wonder if I'd ever be complete
Like how you've completed me
I wonder if I'm just a memory now
I wonder if you are
I wonder how you are
I wonder if I still love you.
*******************************************
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud I wanna get outta this
I wonder, is there anything I'm gonna miss
I wonder how's it gonna be
When you don't know me
How's it gonna be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it gonna be
When there's no one there to talk to you
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's its gonna be
How's it gonna be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnails scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like the hammock by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty
I don't see the lightnight like last fall
When it was always about to hit me
I wonder how's it gonna be
When it goes down
How's it gonna be
When you're not around
How's it gonna be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it gonna be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
I want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion
How's it gonna be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be.
Now that I'm out of your life
I wonder if you miss me
Like how I miss you sometimes
I wonder if you truly loved me
Like you said you did
I wonder if you hate me now
For whom I have been
I wonder if you're good
Like how I'm trying to be
I wonder if you still feel like king
Like how you made me queen
I wonder if you'd ever love again
I wonder if I would
I wonder if I still want to know
I wonder if you do
I wonder if we'd ever meet again
I wonder what I'd do if I could turn back time
I wonder if I'd ever be complete
Like how you've completed me
I wonder if I'm just a memory now
I wonder if you are
I wonder how you are
I wonder if I still love you.
*******************************************
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud I wanna get outta this
I wonder, is there anything I'm gonna miss
I wonder how's it gonna be
When you don't know me
How's it gonna be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it gonna be
When there's no one there to talk to you
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's its gonna be
How's it gonna be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnails scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like the hammock by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty
I don't see the lightnight like last fall
When it was always about to hit me
I wonder how's it gonna be
When it goes down
How's it gonna be
When you're not around
How's it gonna be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it gonna be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
I want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion
How's it gonna be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Jane's Addiction - Just Because
If I were you
I'd better watch out
When was the last time
You did anything
Not for me
Or anyone else
Just because
Just because
You, oh you really should have known
Yeah you, you really should have known
Just because
Just because
You got the most
But nobody loves you
Nobody has to
Just because
You, you really should have known
Oh you, I think you really should have known
Just because
Just because
Oh you, better watch out
When we first met
We passed around gifts
That was a long time ago
And yours didn't fit
Yeah you, oh you really should have known
Yeah you, oh you really should have known
Just because
Just because
Just because
********************************************************
It's been crazy. And I love it.
I'd better watch out
When was the last time
You did anything
Not for me
Or anyone else
Just because
Just because
You, oh you really should have known
Yeah you, you really should have known
Just because
Just because
You got the most
But nobody loves you
Nobody has to
Just because
You, you really should have known
Oh you, I think you really should have known
Just because
Just because
Oh you, better watch out
When we first met
We passed around gifts
That was a long time ago
And yours didn't fit
Yeah you, oh you really should have known
Yeah you, oh you really should have known
Just because
Just because
Just because
********************************************************
It's been crazy. And I love it.
Friday, May 04, 2007
The Last Day
It's 7 minutes to 11pm. Listening to Finley Quaye's Dice, for probably the 7th time for the day, on a Friday night, where I'm supposed to be... I dunno what I'd be doing.
I've cleared the 1 meter stack of recycling papers which I have managed to pile over 3 years sitting my ass here for 8 hours (or more sometimes, like tonight) every other working day, working my butt off to clear the *numerious amount of emails, while juggling other administrative shit B.Boss expects of me, feeling glad sometimes that I have something to hold on to. Something to help pay off bills and support my family, even though sitting in an office 9 to 6 isn't exactly my ideal kind of life.
I feel like I'm going on a new adventure. A different sort. The sort that I have been waried about. I'm lost for words. I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and fear. I can hardly breathe right now. I want to cry.
I don't think I have been the best of employee for the past few months. Things happened, lost my morality, motivation, got disappointed. I didn't cry, probably because I keep telling myself to look on the bright side. It's a push I needed. To get out there, and try to shit shovel *grins* On a more glamorous side, to travel.
I'm visualizing. Everyday, I visualize it. Keeping focus.
I want to be where I've been dreaming of.
So here's my first step, to a new life: Taking Bear in my arms, go public, with Bear, in my arms, and face the new world.
My new world.
Good luck to me.
*numerious is a word I made up.
I've cleared the 1 meter stack of recycling papers which I have managed to pile over 3 years sitting my ass here for 8 hours (or more sometimes, like tonight) every other working day, working my butt off to clear the *numerious amount of emails, while juggling other administrative shit B.Boss expects of me, feeling glad sometimes that I have something to hold on to. Something to help pay off bills and support my family, even though sitting in an office 9 to 6 isn't exactly my ideal kind of life.
I feel like I'm going on a new adventure. A different sort. The sort that I have been waried about. I'm lost for words. I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and fear. I can hardly breathe right now. I want to cry.
I don't think I have been the best of employee for the past few months. Things happened, lost my morality, motivation, got disappointed. I didn't cry, probably because I keep telling myself to look on the bright side. It's a push I needed. To get out there, and try to shit shovel *grins* On a more glamorous side, to travel.
I'm visualizing. Everyday, I visualize it. Keeping focus.
I want to be where I've been dreaming of.
So here's my first step, to a new life: Taking Bear in my arms, go public, with Bear, in my arms, and face the new world.
My new world.
Good luck to me.
*numerious is a word I made up.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
The Feeling - Love It When You Call
I found the switch
You turned it on
I hit the ditch
You carried on
I was so near
Now you're so far
Are you quite sure
Just who you are?
Oh, I-i-i-i-ihi
Know you could use a friend
But you don't seem to have the time
Oh, and I-i-i-i-ihi
I wonder if you ever get to say
What's on your mind
Well take a little time
Come on take a little time
I love it when you call
I love it when you call
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
So, what's the complication?
It's only conversation
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
(He loves it when you call)
(He loves it when you call)
Remember me?
I used to be
Your best time buddy
That you couldn't wait to see
We're gettin old
It takes its toll
And hearts getting broken
Leads to people growing cold
Oh, I-i-i-i-ihi
I'm flippin with a coin
That's got a tail on either side
Oh, and I-i-i-i-ihi
I'm gonna be the one
Who makes you stop and realise
You could have it all
Ye-eah, we should have it all
I love it when you call
(He loves it when you call)
I love it when you call
(He loves it when you call)
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
So, what's the complication?
It's only conversation
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
(He loves it when you call)
(He loves it when you call)
Yeah, I wonder where you've been
Yeah, and I wonder who you've seen
Yeah, I hope you find your dream
When you do, I really hope it's all it seems
I love it when you call
I love it when you call
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
Say what's the complication
It's only conversation
I love it when you call
But you never call at all
*********************************************
No I'm not in an especially good mood today.
If you heard this song already you'd know how hippie it'd sound.
It's just that I heard this song on Live On Abbey's Road earlier and it cheered me up while it lasts.
It's the sweetness I miss.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Tagged
Rules of the game:
Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
(1) I hate to admit that I care what other people think about me. Whoever has met me, even it's for awhile, even if you don't really matter, it matters how people see me. Only it's subjected to how long I wanna think about it.
(2) I have lesbian tendency. Never really done anything about it.
(3) I have this habit of moving my feet (feet sole face up) back and forth when I'm going to sleep. Like how kitties flick their tails back and forth when in that relax mode. It's like a mental relaxing hypnosis. Only it manifests with my feet.
(4) During an exam once, probably when I was in primary 3 or 4, I finished my paper quicker than time given, I turned around to this classmate of mine and asked her to draw something nice for me. She was good. The teacher in charged probably looked at me thinking I must be retarded. Now I suspect I had Asperger's Syndrome.
(5) I used to think about committing the perfect murder. JigSAW outdid me.
(6) I fantasize about being famous.
(7) I'm into the whole goth shit, as well pretty flowers and unicorns.
(8) I pride myself on being independent. But I'm not ruling out the possibilty of me having to rely on a financially stable husband. Bills are slowing me down.
(9) Fact is I would like 2 kids. A girl and a boy.
(10) I get high on coke. Not the real stuff.
I'm not sure who to tag because most of my friends have already done it. So Seanie, you've been tagged back. Now you owe us all another 10. Rules are meant to be broken anyway.
Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
(1) I hate to admit that I care what other people think about me. Whoever has met me, even it's for awhile, even if you don't really matter, it matters how people see me. Only it's subjected to how long I wanna think about it.
(2) I have lesbian tendency. Never really done anything about it.
(3) I have this habit of moving my feet (feet sole face up) back and forth when I'm going to sleep. Like how kitties flick their tails back and forth when in that relax mode. It's like a mental relaxing hypnosis. Only it manifests with my feet.
(4) During an exam once, probably when I was in primary 3 or 4, I finished my paper quicker than time given, I turned around to this classmate of mine and asked her to draw something nice for me. She was good. The teacher in charged probably looked at me thinking I must be retarded. Now I suspect I had Asperger's Syndrome.
(5) I used to think about committing the perfect murder. JigSAW outdid me.
(6) I fantasize about being famous.
(7) I'm into the whole goth shit, as well pretty flowers and unicorns.
(8) I pride myself on being independent. But I'm not ruling out the possibilty of me having to rely on a financially stable husband. Bills are slowing me down.
(9) Fact is I would like 2 kids. A girl and a boy.
(10) I get high on coke. Not the real stuff.
I'm not sure who to tag because most of my friends have already done it. So Seanie, you've been tagged back. Now you owe us all another 10. Rules are meant to be broken anyway.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Coldplay - Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
****************************************************
I can't believe I ruined it.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
When you say nothing at all
I have a pride problem.
How do you get rid of your ego?
All alone... I can't mend...
I can't tell the difference between being emotional and egoistical.
I'm emoistical. Egotional.
It isn't love...
I am not worried... cos I've done this sorta thing before...
When your kindness falls like rain, it washes me away...
Green light
Seven Eleven
You stop in, for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now take your change
Dressed up like a car crash
The wheels are turning
But you're upside down
You say when he hits you
You don't mind
Because when he hurts you
You feel alive
Is that what it is?
Am I finally letting go.
How do you get rid of your ego?
All alone... I can't mend...
I can't tell the difference between being emotional and egoistical.
I'm emoistical. Egotional.
It isn't love...
I am not worried... cos I've done this sorta thing before...
When your kindness falls like rain, it washes me away...
Green light
Seven Eleven
You stop in, for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now take your change
Dressed up like a car crash
The wheels are turning
But you're upside down
You say when he hits you
You don't mind
Because when he hurts you
You feel alive
Is that what it is?
Am I finally letting go.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Easter @ Sepang
Was, 2 words. AWE. SOME.
It was such an experience, I had to break it up in 2.
It was a trip I didn't exactly know what to expect. There were writers and photographers (including Amy) from various papers (Straits Time, New Straits Times, AsiaOne, The NewsPaper etc). It was work for them, holiday for me. Although it wasn't exactly a holiday with all the travelling back and forth from the hotel early morning and being scorched at Sepang and back to the hotel hoping the 45 minutes trip back won't drag any longer than it should (with the expected jams in KL). I needed new inspiration. And thanks to Amy, I've had a helluvan experience; the F1 culture. Still a noob. So please don't mind my amatureness.
Basically I got to familiarize a few favourites.
Fernando Alonso: an arrogant b******d and a helluva skilled racer. His pick up speed is AMAZING. I can't really explain it in race terms. It's like he can rev from being stationary to 200km/h within 2 seconds. Am I exaggerating? Maybe not!
Lewis Hamiltom: the favourite rookie. He's like 22 years old? And yes he came in 2nd. SECOND, after Alonso.
Kimi Raikkonen. Oh Raikkonen. He was a second close to Hamilton.
Jenson Button. According to Amy, a pretty good looking racer. I've googled (of course I'd google) and he was right.
Even being seated at the grandstand 50m from the pit stops, with the sun glaring down and without a $3k, 3kg camera lens, plus the necessity of the helmets, makes it hard to see their faces!
They've placed Hamilton, Alonso and Raikkonen next to each other (from left to right). Coincidence?
F1 was a 3 days event. First two days were practice sessions. Third day, the Grand Prix.
Left for M'sia from Changi Airport on Thursday late noon. And before I left work (half day), B.Boss had a chat with me. This is my last month. They're restructuring and laying off the customer service department (outsourcing) and even though I'm under distribution, half of my job scope is to assist customer service. They go, I go. Can't possibly pay me for doing almost nothing can they.
BUMMED out. But I expected it (even with my fingers crossed) when I heard they're cutting off customer service.
I tried not to let this ruined my trip. It had some slight effect. But untill I touch down back at Singapore, I refused to think about it. Sigh.
ANYWAY. Sheraton Imperial was beautiful. The bathroom was almost breathtaking. I took pictures on my mobile (I've no idea how to load it up from my phone) and the website only has pictures of the room where the bed's at.
The sound of F1 car is almost deafening. Quoting Amy, it's so high that it's got digital pitch to it. Already at an constant start up speed while it's moving out of the pitstop sounded like a mini jet starting up on the engines, imagine at it's fastest, my hearing would have been impaired without the ear plugs!
It was exhilerating. I could feel my heart thumped a full pump before the blood rushes to my head and I thought I felt a slight high from the thunderous pitch and the vibration of it's waves.
Man. I'm having a total Sepang hangover. If I close my eyes and block out Staind's Outside (currently playing on my winamp) I could see myself back at the grandstand watching the action along the pits.
In between practise sessions, the Carrera's came in from the side, for their practise session too. After you've seen how fast F1 was on the track, watching the Carrera's trying to tear down the track almost seemed, sad.
I mean, an F1 could make a turn in 1-2 seconds. A Carrera took almost 2-3 seconds (a hell lot of milliseconds involved to win, or lose) to make that same turn. Can you imagine?!
I wanna get my ass on the F1s.
The Grand Prix. The big day. It was a race between McLaren and Ferrari. Check www.oneshift.com for pictures.
I'm gonna try and remember what happened so if there's any error, do pardon and correct me if I'm wrong.
Alonso held lead througout 56 laps. Hamilton and Massa were fighting closely for 2nd place for a few laps. Nick Heidfeld caught up to replace Massa. I must have fallen asleep when Raikkonen took to the 3rd.
How could I have possibly fell alseep? With the sun almost in your eyes, and the heat zapping you of your energy, I was surprised how drained I was that when I closed my eyes to rest them for abit, I actually managed to dozed. Amidst the loud engines running at full speed. A power nap for a boost.
Alonso was getting away with his winning position with every lap. It was impossible for anyone to even try to surpass him. But it was definate close fight between Hamilton and Raikkonen. Nick Heidfeld came in 4th, Massa came in 5th (?) Previous day during the qualifying Massa had surprised the audience (and I'm sure Alonso as well!) when he came in for the first position for the starting line up.
Oookay. Enough of F1. It was good times spent outside of it. Dinner @ IndoChine on the 2nd night, courtesy of SHELL. Drinks @ Mezza Notte. Beautiful cafe pub. Something close to Barfly. Back at the hotel lounge at almost 2am on the piano, a little performance, courtesy of Amy. (Music degree okay dun pray pray)
It was almost excruciatingly depressing when we landed back in Singapore. Reality hits like nothing else. Sigh. The hangover of a holiday.
I had to remind myself to breathe.
It was such an experience, I had to break it up in 2.
It was a trip I didn't exactly know what to expect. There were writers and photographers (including Amy) from various papers (Straits Time, New Straits Times, AsiaOne, The NewsPaper etc). It was work for them, holiday for me. Although it wasn't exactly a holiday with all the travelling back and forth from the hotel early morning and being scorched at Sepang and back to the hotel hoping the 45 minutes trip back won't drag any longer than it should (with the expected jams in KL). I needed new inspiration. And thanks to Amy, I've had a helluvan experience; the F1 culture. Still a noob. So please don't mind my amatureness.
Basically I got to familiarize a few favourites.
Fernando Alonso: an arrogant b******d and a helluva skilled racer. His pick up speed is AMAZING. I can't really explain it in race terms. It's like he can rev from being stationary to 200km/h within 2 seconds. Am I exaggerating? Maybe not!
Lewis Hamiltom: the favourite rookie. He's like 22 years old? And yes he came in 2nd. SECOND, after Alonso.
Kimi Raikkonen. Oh Raikkonen. He was a second close to Hamilton.
Jenson Button. According to Amy, a pretty good looking racer. I've googled (of course I'd google) and he was right.
Even being seated at the grandstand 50m from the pit stops, with the sun glaring down and without a $3k, 3kg camera lens, plus the necessity of the helmets, makes it hard to see their faces!
They've placed Hamilton, Alonso and Raikkonen next to each other (from left to right). Coincidence?
F1 was a 3 days event. First two days were practice sessions. Third day, the Grand Prix.
Left for M'sia from Changi Airport on Thursday late noon. And before I left work (half day), B.Boss had a chat with me. This is my last month. They're restructuring and laying off the customer service department (outsourcing) and even though I'm under distribution, half of my job scope is to assist customer service. They go, I go. Can't possibly pay me for doing almost nothing can they.
BUMMED out. But I expected it (even with my fingers crossed) when I heard they're cutting off customer service.
I tried not to let this ruined my trip. It had some slight effect. But untill I touch down back at Singapore, I refused to think about it. Sigh.
ANYWAY. Sheraton Imperial was beautiful. The bathroom was almost breathtaking. I took pictures on my mobile (I've no idea how to load it up from my phone) and the website only has pictures of the room where the bed's at.
The sound of F1 car is almost deafening. Quoting Amy, it's so high that it's got digital pitch to it. Already at an constant start up speed while it's moving out of the pitstop sounded like a mini jet starting up on the engines, imagine at it's fastest, my hearing would have been impaired without the ear plugs!
It was exhilerating. I could feel my heart thumped a full pump before the blood rushes to my head and I thought I felt a slight high from the thunderous pitch and the vibration of it's waves.
Man. I'm having a total Sepang hangover. If I close my eyes and block out Staind's Outside (currently playing on my winamp) I could see myself back at the grandstand watching the action along the pits.
In between practise sessions, the Carrera's came in from the side, for their practise session too. After you've seen how fast F1 was on the track, watching the Carrera's trying to tear down the track almost seemed, sad.
I mean, an F1 could make a turn in 1-2 seconds. A Carrera took almost 2-3 seconds (a hell lot of milliseconds involved to win, or lose) to make that same turn. Can you imagine?!
I wanna get my ass on the F1s.
The Grand Prix. The big day. It was a race between McLaren and Ferrari. Check www.oneshift.com for pictures.
I'm gonna try and remember what happened so if there's any error, do pardon and correct me if I'm wrong.
Alonso held lead througout 56 laps. Hamilton and Massa were fighting closely for 2nd place for a few laps. Nick Heidfeld caught up to replace Massa. I must have fallen asleep when Raikkonen took to the 3rd.
How could I have possibly fell alseep? With the sun almost in your eyes, and the heat zapping you of your energy, I was surprised how drained I was that when I closed my eyes to rest them for abit, I actually managed to dozed. Amidst the loud engines running at full speed. A power nap for a boost.
Alonso was getting away with his winning position with every lap. It was impossible for anyone to even try to surpass him. But it was definate close fight between Hamilton and Raikkonen. Nick Heidfeld came in 4th, Massa came in 5th (?) Previous day during the qualifying Massa had surprised the audience (and I'm sure Alonso as well!) when he came in for the first position for the starting line up.
Oookay. Enough of F1. It was good times spent outside of it. Dinner @ IndoChine on the 2nd night, courtesy of SHELL. Drinks @ Mezza Notte. Beautiful cafe pub. Something close to Barfly. Back at the hotel lounge at almost 2am on the piano, a little performance, courtesy of Amy. (Music degree okay dun pray pray)
It was almost excruciatingly depressing when we landed back in Singapore. Reality hits like nothing else. Sigh. The hangover of a holiday.
I had to remind myself to breathe.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Girls Night Out
Was AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME.
Clinic was alright. Barfly was beautiful. And my girls were gorgeous.
Who says you can't think when you drink?
I poured my heart out with my deepest resentment of others.
I'm a horrible person. I'm jealous. Angry. Resentful.
I'm only human. But that don't mean I like being this way. I just want to for once bitch and not be judged mercilessly. You know, to just rant and whine.
The best poeple, are the people who knows you best. Who doesn't think you're a psycho. Who understands that you're only human, and believes in the heart of hearts, that goodness is still in you amidst the resentment. It's like a break from feeling de-pressed.
With that faith that they have in me, I'm only more motivated to become better.
Been thinkin about seeing a psychic. Feeling a little lost. See Pris, you got me thinking.
Went to a boring porche (GT3RS?) launch. I don't know which porche I sat in, but I sat in a porche for the first damn time (in the driver's seat!) and GOD wouldn't it be awesome if I could own one of those bastards. Sigh..
Amy was a charmer at work. Although he didn't really do much besides taking pictures and talking to people about automobiles and shit I don't understand. It was boring. But I can't get the feeling of driving of porche out of my system!
WineBar was alright. Met Amy's crazy friends. Played a prank cos it was April's Fool.
Got some of you ;)
Pissed some of you :(
He's okay now. I think. Heh.
So who said you can't think when you drink?
Me.
Clinic was alright. Barfly was beautiful. And my girls were gorgeous.
Who says you can't think when you drink?
I poured my heart out with my deepest resentment of others.
I'm a horrible person. I'm jealous. Angry. Resentful.
I'm only human. But that don't mean I like being this way. I just want to for once bitch and not be judged mercilessly. You know, to just rant and whine.
The best poeple, are the people who knows you best. Who doesn't think you're a psycho. Who understands that you're only human, and believes in the heart of hearts, that goodness is still in you amidst the resentment. It's like a break from feeling de-pressed.
With that faith that they have in me, I'm only more motivated to become better.
Been thinkin about seeing a psychic. Feeling a little lost. See Pris, you got me thinking.
Went to a boring porche (GT3RS?) launch. I don't know which porche I sat in, but I sat in a porche for the first damn time (in the driver's seat!) and GOD wouldn't it be awesome if I could own one of those bastards. Sigh..
Amy was a charmer at work. Although he didn't really do much besides taking pictures and talking to people about automobiles and shit I don't understand. It was boring. But I can't get the feeling of driving of porche out of my system!
WineBar was alright. Met Amy's crazy friends. Played a prank cos it was April's Fool.
Got some of you ;)
Pissed some of you :(
He's okay now. I think. Heh.
So who said you can't think when you drink?
Me.
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