My Chemical Romance - Helena

Long ago
Just like the hearse, you die to get in again
We are, so far, from, you.

Burrrrning uuuup
Just like a match, you strike to incinerate
The lives, of everyone, you know...

And what's the worrrst you take...
With every hearrrt you break...
And like a blade you stain...
Well I've been hoolllding ooon tonight...

What's the worst that I can saaay
Things are better if I stay...
So looong, and goodnight...
So looong not goodniiight...

Caaaame a time...
When every starrrr falls
Brought you to tears again...
We arrrre the very hurrrrt youuu soooold...

And what's the worrrst youuu taaake...
From every hearrrt youuu breeaak...
And like a blaaade youuu staaaaiiin...
Well I've been hooolding oooonn tonight...

What's the worrst that I can say...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long... not goodnight...

Well if you carry on this way...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long... not goodnight...

Can... you... hear... me...
Are... you... near... me...
Can we... pretend... to leave... and then...
We'd meet... again...
When both... our carrrrs collide...

What's the worst that I can saaayyy
Things are better if I stayyyy
So looong and goodnight...
So looong not goodnight...

Well if you carry on this way...
Things are better if I stay...
So long... and goodnight...
So long not goodnight...

Grams not gonna make it to Christmas..............

Awareness

I'm so used to working so much for the past few weeks, that even when I took my time out to slack, surf net, within 5 minutes, I actually feel like going back to work. Psycho!

Been busy with the hunting, moving, shifting, cleaning, and still cleaning up the house; Puppy's and Angel's very own crib.

It's looking better with every effort put in to make it... tidier.

I'm very much aware of death right now. I mean, right at this very moment. Really. So aware it feels like death is staring right into my face.

A couple of nights ago I dreamt puppy died; I was stumped. I cried till I couldn't cry anymore, and when I woke, I hadn't realized it's only a dream.

I knew fully well that he was out in the field at that point of time. There was no way of contacting him to make sure he was okay. Then I started to doubt if the dream was indeed a dream.

It was only hours after, that the surreality (I made this up) faded, that I've finally managed to break through and told myself it's only a dream.

But I am still very much of aware of death. Very much more so for others (those who matters) than for my own.

I cannot possibly imagine how I could go on living if others were to... @#$%^&*

When I finally saw puppy yesterday, the surreality came seeping back. I touched his arm, grabbed him tight and kept my eyes on him, just to make sure he doesn't fade away.

I know it sounds crazy. I can't put it anymore in words how it felt, to actually have been convinced (by the dream) that he doesn't exist (anymore); thinking about it right now, sends a sense of extremely painful loss... through my entire soul. Like a bad orgasm.

Sure I've had thoughts about death of others. I've always understood that death is part of life. But I never thought I'd be this unprepared; The older you are, the closer you are to facing death; Yours, and others.

I'm not sure what to think of it anymore. I'm just hoping that this feeling will go away.

Before I forget... (7th October)

I remember meeting Puppy at the Orchard station... I remember walking around Isetan trying to find Revlon section again and again... I remember the puffer fish nesting itself in a comfy spot in the aquarium in Wisma Atria... I remember meeting Princess & Mr F and TL at Far East... I remember Puppy going to meet Jer at Tattoo first... I remember going to the food section scouting around for seats... Yes I remember being hungry...

I remember ordering some kinda kampung fried rice with poached egg... I remember regretting ordering it because TL got a better choice (sambal friend rice)... I remember not finishing the fried rice because of (1) TL's got a better choice and (2) I was getting pretty filled up with mine... I remember Princess getting greedy and dropped a fishball (stolen from Mr F) onto the table and wouldn't give it up because she insist the table is clean...*lol*

I remember opening one out of the 3 gifts (a box of chocolates, B.U.M wallet, just what I needed! and...) Princess and Mr F presented me a metal-studs-leather pendent choker... and feeling :D

I remember Gale texting me to hurry because she's hungry (she's standing by at Tattoo just in case any of my friends shows up)... I remember still taking my time with dinner >7

I remember going to the ladies, got changed, did my make up... I remember Puppy texting me that Jer's gone off... I remember Gale texting she's hungry (again)... I remember getting nerve wreacked (I'm taking too long to get ready)... I remember dreading to make my way to Scott's to draw some money... I remember making my way back to Far East...and finally, Tattoo.

I remember seeing my girls (Amb, Peach, Wend, Pris) and their boys (Des, Yao). I remember them all wearing black exceptDes (-_-) I remember getting excited. The night just started...

I remember apologizing to Puppy cos I took so long to get ready and left him on his own for quite some time. I remember Puppy assurring me it's okay. I remember feeling more chilled.

I remember Delisha and Kusom arrived awhile later, bearing a gift (a small pretty red pouch, with a crescent-jewelled choker, my jaw dropped at it's scarlet beauty). I remember how I've asked where they had came from (work) and feeling happy they managed to make it :)

I remember settling Princess, Mr F and TL down. I remember saying hi to Vic (?) when Gale told me I could order drinks through him.

I remember downing a flaming sambooka/lambogini (?), 2 shots tequila one after another (something I never thought I could do)... a birthday treat on the house (Tattoo).

I remember receiving a chalkboard-birthday message from my girls =...) Comes with a pack of chalks and duster! And a new bag (needed a new bag!) =D

I remember noticing Peach and Pris cut their hair. Very nice girls!

I remember M.Lady, Foizz, Shasha, Mel walked into Tattoo with litted cake (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I remember squealing...

I remember grinning so wide as they sang "Happy Birthday to me". I remember seeing Princess being happy for me seeing how happy I was =) I remember wanting to cut the cake before I blew out the candles until someone said "Make a wish!" I did... a long one till Shasha said "Make a wish not pray!"... Lol...

I wished for... NOT GONNA TELL! Cos I want it to come true... =) I'll give a clue... it's a simple wish and starts with the letter "H".

I remember puppy planting a kiss on my forehead...

I remember Hiro came with a Switchfoot CD. I've heard it. It's beautiful. Thank you.

I remember getting M.Lady to take pictures of me and my girls, of me and Delisha and Kusom, of me and Princess and Mr F and TL and Ed and HX. Oh yes Ed and HX came later. Memory is becoming a little blur here because of the shots and on top of that, mugs of beer.

Ed and HX got me a 4-leave Clover pendent chain. I heard it's good luck if you find a 4-leave Clover because Clovers are usually 3 leaves =.../

Took pictures with puppy and Foizz too...

I remember Tattoo bartenders being so nice...

I remember Les and QX came with a packet of gold hongbao :) I remember catching up with them on their lives after graduation... NS... what else is there.

I remember sitting with Princess and telling her who's who...

I remember taking more pictures with my girls...

I remember squealing when Hari and DD arrived (!!!!!!!!!)... then Dhilip came after~ Or was it the other way round...

I remember squealing somemore when Hari said "The one who works at loyang... what's her name? Yea she's hot." *LMAO*

I remember talking to Yao... about Chelsea thrashing Liverpool... *YAY*

I remember Tattoo playing James Blunt's You're Beautiful...

I remember Angel came despite her ear infection... *sayang*

I remember VJ came after bearing Cacao's Origin (chocolates from Venezuela, Trinidad, and Sto. Domingo)... I think I'm gonna take another one now...

Mmmm... Took Venezuela's. It's supposed to be sensual but I'm just feeling high on chocs!

I remember puppy checking on me once in awhile. I was getting high. I remember trying to walk a straight line outside the pub... guidelines from the floor... kept my feet on the lines... but kept leaning to my right... I wasn't drunk. High. I consider myself drunk when I start to puke.

I remember Delisha and Kusom had to go cos they've got work in the morning the next day. I remember regretting not having to introduced them to Princess and my girls...

I remember Princess and Mr F had to go...

I remember Ed and HX had to go...

I remember Les and QX and TL had to go...

I remember the girls had to go... getting late... I remember telling'em I'm so proud to call them my friends... I remember meaning it...

I remember wishing Rekh and D were there...

I remember Gale made VJ and M.Lady wear trash bag cos they didn't wear black... I remember taking pictures with all of them... I remember taking pics with puppy...I remember taking pics with the leftover girls... I remember a picture was taken for the left over boys... I remember M.Lady trying to slot herself into the the boys-only picture... Angel waving the trashbag... (-___-)

I remember having a blast...

I remember puking after everyone left Tattoo (closing time)... Drunk.

I remember feeling bad cos Hari and DD stayed the night for me but I had to go back cos I was puking.. alot...

I remember how thankful I am for puppy... for taking care of me...

I remember telling myself, the party wasn't a bad idea, AT ALL.

Thank you sister.

Obessesed with Black

I want my office phone to be black.
I want the cheques I sort every working day to be black.
I want my hair to be jet black.
I want office desk black.
I want my desk calendar black.
I want my notepads black.
I want my office computer black.
I want the office wall black.
I want the office floor black.
I want the sky black.
I want my eyes black (they're dark brown).
I want my keyboard black.
I want a black brush.
I want everything black, someone once told me, "even your boyfriend is 'black'".

Prince of Persia

I am absolutely, totally, immensely, crazily, ruthlessly, psychotic-ly OBSESSED with the game.

It is one of the most amazingly breathtaking game I have ever, ever played.

I'd post some really gorgeous screenshots but this stupid NT Window refused to let me. Besides, just looking at the screenshots won't have you understand just how... how... speechless it has made me. You gotta experience it for yourself.

Prince of Persia Triglogy is coming to an end with the not-so-soon release *WAILS* of Prince of Persia 3: The Two Thrones. It is said to be released in December 2005... or 2006 *CRY*

Puppy and I have played Prince of Persia: Warrior Within twice, because there is a secret alternate ending which I have been dying to see when I found out its existance. (After being deprived for sometime, I had to surf the net to quench my desire for more POP, checking out screenshots, reading reviews, surfed for secrets & viola!).

No one will understand how obsessed I am... I'd play back the path the Prince took in my head... hum the soundtracks from POP: Warrior Within.. (Godsmack is good shit, although I've only had 2 tracks so far, heh).

http://www.princeofpersiagame.com

Beware of deprivation once you start.

Oh my god I'm a geek!

And your cry baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

It has been 2 weeks plus since puppy's 22nd birthday. Mrs Darls got him another ipod, to replace the one he lost couple of months ago, also from Mrs Darls, for his 21st birthday. Ever since, puppy has been feeling terribly guilty of losing it. Took him some time to get over it. Of course he's just as excited and grateful about RockBox II.

Theme for the party was Rock n Roll, of course. Perfect for me, cos it's the only costume I'd ever look good in. Party by the pool, great music, great food, great people, great stories about ball bearings in penises (pain for the boys, pleasure for the girls), freaky shots (Benny captured an annonymous face while taking a pic for Angel, Soldier R and S) which led to more ghosts stories, and somehow leading to football debates among a Chelsea fan, 2 Arsenal fans, 1 Man United fan, and 1 Liverpool fan, and well, okay, and 1 more Chelsea supporter. What to do. It is the only team you get exposed to and influenced when you know nothing about football and your boyfriend's an ardent blue.

But for the record, I have learnt a thing or two about football. Well, at least for English football. It's not just about 11 men running after a silly ball. It's passion, skills, and of course, cute boys and handsome manager. Yeap, as far as I can see, Chelsea has them all. And I'm satisfied. Not an ardent blues, but satisfied.

Guess who's my favourite Chelsea player *grins*

And then there's the fight. Yeap there's always the fight. What can I say. We are different people. We have our opinions and views on how to live your mundane life and of course, relationships. I can't really say much, only, that this time it has taken a huge toll on me and of course on puppy as well. The screaming and the sobbing and wailing and more sobbing is over. For now.

I prayed and prayed. At least I got my peace of mind. I know what I want, how I want it. And that, I will get. Doesn't mean I don't care anymore.On the contrary, I cared too much before. It's time I take care of myself since, well, no one else can and the fact that I've always believe in independence, physically and emotionally. I know. Human can't help be dependent. But I'm gonna make it less of a hassel for me. And hell, I'm ony turning 21! Gawd I feel old.

Went to the beach with the girls last weekend, despite the horrendous weather and teenage crowd (stupid kids who doesn't know any better than wearing bikinis with obvious fats hanging out and acting like she's hot), it was relaxing to just lie in the sun (for a less than half an hour in between when the dark clouds loomed in before the sun finally settled and I got slightly tanned, yay!), soaked in the cool clean sea water, stuff our faces and ultimately, a relaxing time with the girls. I would like to do this as often. I wished for puppy to be there with me, but his job is taking a toll (by the time weekend comes...) and he's tanned enough and I've given up planning trips to the beach only to be disappointed in the end, not that I have a choice.

Being there with the girls is just as satisfying. I couldn't have taken my first step to wearing a bikini if it weren't for them.

Let's see, next outdoor trip... will only be jogs around the park down my block because I am god damn fucking broke even after pay day. Been skipping work too many times this month, not gonna get paid as much as I should. Working part time sucks.

Then there's the 2nd year anniversary. Fuck.

Wrath

I was just thinking last night, about the things I regret not doing.

This happened years ago when I was around 14. Me and family (yes including Dad, at that point of time things weren't as hectic as it got later on), went to GV Yishun to catch a movie. Sitting behind mom was an old couple, around 30s - 50s. The man (looking much older and sickly than the woman) was seated directly behind Mom and throughout the movie, he kept kicking at Mom's seat, probably out of habit. Mom told Dad. Dad told the fella nicely, to stop kicking the chair cos it's disturbing. He shouted (yes, in the middle of the movie), something along the line, "What! You own this cinema ah! So what if I'm kicking?! You own this place ah!" Then all the "fuck fuck" came out. I was obviously pissed off that he was disturbing me from enjoying the movie, even more pissed off that he kicked Mom's seat, and totally, boiling that he's screaming at MY dad.

Even though I hated Dad, a part of me had a soft spot for him cos he's my dad. I regretted not screaming at the man for shouting at my dad for the obvious wrong reasons. Because I was worried (gut feeling) he will start on how my parents raised me.

And now thinking about it, I'm even more pissed off with Dad for not beating the crap outta him, but he can beat a woman behind closed doors.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a joke.

Then there was this other time, at Grams, I supposed it was Chinese New Year cos everyone was there. Mom washed Dad's clothes. She forgot to check one of Dad's pant's pockets, it got wet, and there was a tiny notebook (with his client's details) found. I went to Dad, all young and innocent and asked if it was okay, he said to me in Mandarin, "It's wet. I'm gonna scold Mommy later." There I was thinking, you're the one who couldn't possibly have the reponsibility to look after your own things and you wanna fucking blame Mom? And for the record, it wasn't so wet that the book's ruined. It's a delicate work but if done properly, the notebook can be revived.

I went to Mom to check on her. Mom was obviously sorry that she forgot to check the pants, and there were my aunts, telling her how careless she is, that she should've checked, and I got even madder. OF COURSE she can help it. OF COURSE. You forgot. Then you remembered, then you check. Oh hey! It's not wet anymore! What the fuck. I wanted to scream at them to stop blaming Mom and be on Mom's side instead. But I couldn't. Cos Mom brought me up to respect adults.

I love all my aunts. They are a bunch of beautiful souls. I just wished at that point of time they'd been on Mom's side instead.

Now and then, I'd remember inciddents like these and get mad. And although I can't help but think that perhaps it's a good thing I didn't do what I thought I should have, I can't help regretting that I didn't. And it sucks.

There are more incidents like these, I just can't remember it now. These 2 regretful memories haunts me the most.

And if situations arises again, I'm not sure if I'd go around screaming at idiots because I am such that, I always worry about the people (who matters) around me.

XiaXue v.s SPG v.s Pathetic Singaporeans

When you're close to tears remember
Someday it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high

Though it's darker then December
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high

And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the end
And wonder how we made it through the night
At the end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close to the end
We'll remember it was me and you

Cause we are gonna be
Foever, you and me
You will always keep my flying high in the sky
Of love

LightHouse Family - High

************************************

I dedicate this to you too puppy...

'Get a room!' I hear. I'm not gonna stop being sappy as long as I'm in love so bite me.

I forgot how much this song tingles within.

So everyone's heard about the storm that whirled around Sarong Party Girl's ingeniously-brutally-right-smackingly-in-your-shallow-dickheads (pun intended, females included) blogged blog. Judgemental/insecure/pathetic idiots are slamming against this SPG's right to her own fucking opinion.

Opinions don't hurt unless you have issues (stupidity) with yourself.

I'm shocked that Singapore's most infamous blogger, XiaXue, is slamming against another's right. Coming from where she's (xiaxue) coming from (or least from what I have heard); smart (?), witty (?), funny (?), this has totally changed my opinion of her. Not that I've been a fan. But I am, sorry, was amused with some of her posts which I have managed to put in an effort to go to her blog and see what's all the fuss is about.

And there she (xiaxue) is, whining, crying about how people have been emailing mean things to her. It's truely pathetic. I would have been more impressed if she hadn't excused herself with "I am entitled to my own opinion blah blah blah *myeeeeehhhhh*" -- this is how I imagine her cry (which she admitted. stupid or what?) -- Like, hellowwww. Knocking against your own door with your not so filled little head, Snow?

I'm an avid reader of SPG's blog and never have I once hear her slam anyone. It's all about her. Her thoughts, her artwork (photos), her world. It's how a blog should be.

Where as for Stupid Snow, she feeds on popularity voicing her cynism on every little tiny thing and she crossed the line with conciously casually commenting on SPG's tities on the papers. Tsk tsk. Typical Singaporean. Stupid (picking on the wrong element to invoke your cynicsm on) and cannot mind their own business.

Posting nude pictures of yourself isn't what the bible, the kuran, or whatever religious script exists in the world would approve of, but at least SPG is honest with herself; She saw no need to slam how disgustingly pink XiaXue's blog is, how thick the layers of make up piled on that, face. She may be contradictive, which is totally forgivable; God's intention.

As far as I am concern, XiaXue deserves all the slamming she's getting now. 3 folds I'm sure. And I would like to email her my opinion, but I figured she's getting enough of it and who cares about my 2cents worth anyway.

She also mentioned something about how supportive her family and friends are with all these shit that's going on, I wonder how. I'd be damn dissapointed if my daughter did what she did and come crying about it. I'd pretend to sympathize if she's a friend.

As for SPG, she has my sympathy. Even more when I heard that the media are blaming her parents for bringing her up this way.

Like all of you are any holier.

Then I was reminded, that these, are tabloids. Not news. Tabloids.

We can't stop judging. It's human nature to judge. Anyone tells you to not judge, spit in their face and smile and say, don't judge that.

What went wrong with all these judging shit, is crossing the line. Judge, to a certain extend. Judge the SPG for flaunting her nudity. Judge her on her view on sex and money. But don't fucking judge her parents for bringing her up the way she is when she is fucking 20 years old. She obviously doesn't need her parents to hold her hands and teach her how to click on a mouse anymore.

Don't judge anything that doesn't hurt. In another words, don't be stupid. But I understand if you can't help your shal-low esteem.

Tsk.

Stupid.

Choked with disappointments

Oh my god... Could the time fly ANY slower.

I'm choked, hurt (dammit), disppointed (whatever), cold (in every sense of the word), bored (with work), busy (with everything else), sad, relieved (my god), faithles, hopeful (for nothing), mad, upset, cynical, skeptical, paranoid (everything just makes so much sense now?), smart (huh?), beautiful (where did that come from?), sexy (sure), souless (I dreamt I don't have a soul no more), exhilerated (not in a good way at all), focused (my mind's whirling), wise (too wise for my own own), stupid (what the hell am I doing), selfish (hell yeah), and loving (no more).

Hell, love can be legitimate for all I fucking care.

Boys are stupid & Women are always right

Don't get me wrong. I've always believed in equal rights. Justice is my sign.

No. Love is not legitimate.

It's crazy, unreasonable, confusing. Losing yourself is common. Love is it's own laws.

Love screw Justice. Pun intended.

I didn't disappear for almost a month for nothing.

It was dreadful. I can't explain it anymore than feeling dead to the world.

It was like another turning point.

The only blissful moments are the split seconds when I bury myself in the piles of work, little chirping from my noisy gurls, and spending time away from myself with a little help from distractions (beer, friends, and more beer), only to be torn away as soon it's starting to get better.

It's a deadly cycle. And it went on for the longest time.

Being apart made me realized my own oblivion. Thing's that I've always known better, but because of my selfishness (because of love, love is evil) I've chucked them away, enforcing my own needs more than ever. Expectations raised and more disaapointment. Yes another broken hearty momento.

All the sayings about love is blind, love is selfish, love is giving, woman are over sensitive, men are insensitive, boys are stupid, girls are hard to please, women are from venus, men are from mars... They were not just mere sayings.

How is it fair that different people show love the way they show it, and we're expected to understand that, and accept it, even when we don't see how it matters, as long as it's not how our own heart wants to see it.

I give and I give and I give. I don't see how it's unfair for me to be selfish now. I want to feel love the way I want to feel it too. Why the hell not. Love is selfish. I am selish. I'm friends with love. Friend friend.

I still can't accept it.

Messed up

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Falling into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

I'm going crazy in love with you baby
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
No one can rescue me...

Baby I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you so deep
I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you...

Sugababes - Too Lost In You

and nothing sweet about it.

To err or not to err

This one month is going to be the longest month of my life. Another turning point in my life perhaps. Am I really that young?

I've been thrown back and forth through decisions after decicions. One day I'd think... this isn't what I wanted... the next... I can be more patient... then I'd think... why does it have to be me... minutes later... I really shouldn't have...

I justify myself by telling myself that I've given so much... can I not be spared of a little space to be selfish?

I'm tired... the more I think... the more my head hurts... the heart doesn't really hurt anymore... I won't let it rule this time... I can't... Although sometimes it has it's mood... if it feels like breaking it'll break... and I blame it on the hormones.

Yes... I've lost myself... again...

Happy 18th G! (Part II)

I'm getting lazier... and lazier...

Party Eve...

Had to give the gang a miss at D's because I had to go shop for G's birthday banner materials.

Went to Spotlight (rumour has it it's closing down), got a fairly huge black card-paper, pink & silver glitters, and the finishing touch for enhancing it's decor, pretty green/brown/red furry rolls of 'strings'.

Just when I was feeling very satisfied with myself, Angel called, told me that she'd called York Hotel to check if we could check in any earlier on Party Day, and apparently, there was no room booked under my name, and that it was fully booked.

The amount of sweat I was breaking out... ..... ....

I felt my body heat rising and almost immediately I was telling myself "I knew it! I knew something will screw up I knew it!" & thinking of a back up plan all at the same time back & forth, that I didn't even hear Angel say "April's Fool!" the first time. So much for loving me HUH!!!

Party Day!!!

Went to Mustafa's for the first time (!) to get the menu-see for the party. My god there were aisles of shampoos, body wash and soaps, aisles and aisles of almost everything you can find in grocercies stores, only so much more variety! And not forgetting the most fantabulous (!) ice milo (with whipped cream!) & de-li-cious sardine/curry puffs (Spice Tree Curry Puffs, Geylang Lorong 10) I've ever had my whole fucking life.

Thank you M.Lady & Angel! *WAILS~*

Shopping was done in less than 2 hours. Rushed back to the hotel, made the banner, made contortions of Traffic Light (cherry tomatoes, cheese and cucumber), and decorated up the room with red & pink crape papers.

In less than an hour after the room was done up, G arrived with her little friends.

Surpriiiiiiiiise!!!

She skipped and hopped around at the doorway like a monkey (that she is). Excitment she shows.

Party went quite well. Alotta peeps turned up (not expected). Unfortunately the food ran out pretty quick we had to order another 4 more boxes of pizzas after the first 8.

Pictionary was a hell lotta fun. Everyone (mostly the legal aged) got pretty high early into the night, that it almost felt like 3am when it was only midnight.

Most G's friends left early. At 1am, the usual suspects plus a few others including G head out to Coco Lattae. Me, pups and his boys, G's friends who were staying over stayed in, and I slept.

Eventful. And also quite unfortunate; X.

X is underaged, a butch, and a fucking helluv an irritant; Detestable.

She changed to her home clothes, stood in front of the TV (when everyone was watching Miss Singapore, and just when Jon Johnsson appeared on the screen for M.Lady) & announced, "EVERYBODY! I'M IN MY HOME CLOTHES!"

Fuck you you understand.

Then, she'd fucking snatch a box of pizza which I had barely managed to get it out of the plastic bag (it just arrived), ran off to the other corner of the room, fed herself & a few others.

She'd been bugging G for drinks the whole night, when Gale refused to budge, Angel had to step in to make sure she knows she's not allowed to drink. X pouted, and stomped off, in such a way that, she thinks she's lovable.

I'll slap you you understand.

Later in the night, I found the bottle of vodka sitting on the bedside table in the other corner of the room. No price for guessing who's the fucking culprit.

Apparently she had a drink or two, got drunk and slept. ON THE BED.

*Deep Breathe*

If it wasn't for puppy who'd knocked some sense into me, to sleep on the bed ( I dozed on an armchair), I'd have let the bugger (I didn't really mind the others) have the bed. Which totally wouldn't have been fair to me, and my party organizers.

The ULTIMATE; Puppy and his boys went out of the room for a smoke, and returned to see X pouring his Johnny Walker (approximately $100) into the bottle's cap, measuring, smelling it, pour it into a cup probably filled with beer, mix'em, & left them.

*SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP*

Most of these were told to me. I was too busy making sure everything else was in place. If I had witnessed it myself, I could've ruined my own party for G.

G made sure X knew of her lousy mannerism, and she apologised.

Other than that, Party Day was quite a success. I'l like to thank the amazing duo, M.Lady & Angel, and my dearest-longest friends ever, PJ & Amb, for helping out, party was a success, and not making a single fuss about not being able to feed. So sorry! Really really appreciated the help.

LOVE LOVE!

Happy 18th Sister G! (Part I)

Before I go into further details, I would like to announce, that after much thoughts since I last blogged (been awhile apparently), I've decided, that this will be my last blog. And you know what...

Highlight to see message:

I'm kidding.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

If I've freaked any of you out, GOOD FOR ME!!! And BELATED APRIL FOOL'S TO YOU!!!

I can't believe it. I've been so busy with sister G's 18th birthday party and some personal shit, that I had to give April Fool's Day a miss. I didn't forget. I had to give everything else my absolute focus.

More on April's fool day later -_________________-

On G's 18th birthday (Thursday), we clubbed till dawn with a Usher, Harold & Kumar.

Me & G were in town early so we decided to take a stroll to Mdh Sultan and check out Wu Bar first (Ladies Night!) while waiting for the boys. The night was early, and I was dreading it, cos days before me and pups decided to take a break. Didn't help when DJ blasted Akon's Lonely. No worries! All's good after a calm, peaceful talking session. We've worked out what we're supposed to work on and we're a duo again.

The boys arrived an hour and a half later then planned *pffff* and we head to Cheeky's cos they've got cheaper drinks to acommodate the non-ladies. Usher turns 20 on the same day as well and since me & G didn't get him any birthday prezzie, I got one of the waitress, pretty hot (she was wearing a black long sleeve top (I think), short frilly uneven-ends skirt and heel boots), paid her 10 bucks to pull a tequila shot on him and a (short) hot make out session. Happy 20th Usher *grins*

Cheeky's closed and the dudes wanted supper but somehow Shah & G got all of us dragged to Desire. Nice crib but, didn't really enjoy myself cos, I was told not to leave a harmless half filled water bottle on the table (we were sitting outside of Desire), told to put my legs down (I had my legs up (it's a habit) on the cheap basket-weaved chair), and last straw, I was told not to stand on the 2-step-stairs (leading to the dance floor); I was looking for the peeps across the dance floor.

What the hell is their problem?!

I told puppy about this and puppy said it's all (by right) not allowed. They're just doing their job. But still! Hello! A half filled bottled water can't drown anyone! The chairs were not made of silk cushions! AND I WAS ONLY STANDING ON THE STAIRS FOR A MERE SECOND & THERE WAS NO FUCKING CROWD SO HOW THE HELL WAS ANYONE GONNA HURT ANYONE!

If they tell me it's all for safety measure, having litted candles in a club is safe?! Least to say bottles of opportunities to get drunk and pissed off is bearable?! BUT A BOTTLE OF WATER SITTING ON A TABLE, LEGS UP ON A CHAIR, AND STANDING ON STAIRS IS A BIG NO NO?!! Not cool man. Not cool.

If they tell me they're just doing their job, I'd say, fucking idiots.

I know for sure that I'm NEVER going back to Desire.

Pardon me. I didn't mean to sound all pissed off but thinking about it again cheesed me off big. And already I was in a foul mood to begin with.

Maybe I should've asked, just what the hell was the problem.

After Desire finally closed at around 6am, went to 7eleven to grab a fresh bottle of water and orange juice to wash down the alocohol for G & Harold. Both had too much to drink, I was tired, Usher and Kumar were just high. G, Harold & Kumar cheesed around for a bit. G trying to prove her strength by wanting to punch the daylights out of Harold's orange carton. Harold & Kumar took the longest time to get into position (Harold holding the carton, Kumar standing behind the carton so juice can explode all over him as planned, by G), and when G can finally hit the punch, the boys moved out of the way, and she hit air.

Sigh... all that work. We were all laughing pretty hard about it. Funny how Harold keeps trying to protect his 'baby' (the orange juice carton).

Me and Usher also took the longest time to get the drunkard children to the cab stand, you'd think that'd be the end of the night, G punched Kumar. Yea. All happy and making so much of noise one moment, the next, poof.

Apparently Kumar made some racist comments, and in my point of view, G punched him out of pure fun, but a little too hard, Kumar bled a little on the inside of his lower lip, and got pissed. I don't blame him. G really shouldn't have. So what if he made some racist comments. For your information, racist comments had been exchanged throughout the night and was all in good fun between the both of them.

So G apparently was upset about some comments he made, punched him, then later on apologised, and Kumar in turn softened, and admitted he deserved it.

-_______________-

The drunkards took the longest time to apologise to each other, and accept each other's apologies, that I got pissed (bad mood & freakin tired) and told Kumar to go ahead & slap G since she said she insisted she wouldn't feel good till he does, if not, I will. So he did. Nah he didn't. G took his hand and slapped herself with it. AND THEN! She took the longest time to get into the last of the 3 cabs that I managed to hailed. She knows I'm mad at her and she thinks it'll be a better idea if I just take the cab home and she'll take the trains. Pffff. Yea. Sure.

OF COURSE I wouldn't leave her alone! I didn't slap her either; It was just a spew of madness.

Finally, got home at around 7++ am. It was a working day, so I took half the day off and slept in.

G apologised. She knew whatever happened was stewpit. Good. So everything was well and fine again.

I still didn't manage to sleep well enough... not till the par-tay is over... to be continued.

Uhhhh...

Last week on my way home, I saw 2 of my old high school mates. I thought one of'em looked rather familiar but because the train was crowded, I couldn't really call out to'em. As the train clears out, one of'em saw me and called my name. Yay. They remembered. I got off my seat to join'em. They just stared.

"Whaaaaat... why yall staring at me like that?!"

Stare stare. Look look. Stare.

"What what whaaaat?!!"

"You've changed... alot...", one of them finally said.

I blushed and denied.

I have changed quite abit. Alot of old friends who'd recognize me would tell me that.

"More confident," the same one said.

I guess as you grow you get use to the world. And it has been a long, long time.

I'll be seeing alotta old friends sometime this weekend at ex-wife's 21st birthday chalet and I'm half dreading it cos, well, I really don't wanna be dealing with anymore you've changed's.

I dreamt of us (me and pups) getting married. Actually, rehearsing for our wedding ceremony. It's gonna be in the swimming pool. It was deep, and I felt this anxiety about the pool. Me and pups, the bridesmaid and best man are supposed to waddle towards the middle of the pool where the minister was waiting and where he'll be pronouncing us husband and wife. I was having a difficult time keeping my head above the suface after awhile and started to sink.

Because I was sinking, someone said we should take a break. I was swimming to the edge to catch my breath, puppy was already there, talking to his mother. She was not the same woman I know in real life.

Before I forget, very important, in the dream, puppy's physique was...wwhhhhhhaaooooo... *drools*

In the dream, I know I did not have a good relationship with his "mother" (vice versa in real life) and puppy was a full time mommy's boy. So as I swam towards the edge, towards him, I heard her telling him to, "..make sure when you marry her over, she cleans the dishes, do the laundry...," bacially, she thinks I'm a maid. I got pissed, told puppy that the wedding's off. And I waddled off in the opposite direction and ran away.

That wasn't the end of the dream but the point was pretty much it. Throughout the dream I was feeling this unspeakable anxiety. Not about the wedding (you'd think it's a good omen), about something I can't seem to put my tongue on it.

Now those of you who believes in dream interpretation, you'd think I've brought my hidden emotions (about something I felt) into my concious mind. I'd think otherwise. I think I've been haunted.

Come to think of it, I haven't been feeling myself lately. I felt as if a part of my soul is trapped in another dimensions. I've been phasing out and... I just felt... missing. I don't know if I've brought bad spirits upon me (unknowingly). And I have a feeling that the dreams I've been having these days (although adventurous, but dreadful), might have something to do with these... bad spirits. And when I wake, I feel incomplete.

I was pretty oblivious about it till Sunday. I'm not sure if it's just pup's mom's moodiness that was affecting me or because I just felt dirty (it was quite a humid day and I was too lazy to bathe). At the end of the day, I went home, took a shower, made sure I scrubbed myself clean before I hit the sack. I talked to god before I dozed. And I felt better.

I was told that having dreams of any kind of wedding is not a good omen. I checked it up on a couple of dream dictionary sites and one of'em described it as negative, a sign of death or funeral. I remember passing by a funeral when we (me, pups and pup's mom) were going for dinner on Sunday. Literally it just explained itself.

Full description: To dream of a wedding is a sign of a death and a funeral. There are various other meanings, but this one has always been the cardinal rule for weddings as they symbolize new beginnings, but only at the cost of the death of the former 'life'. This death could mean various types of endings, not necessarily that of the body.

I passed by a funeral literally, but it also didn't have to mean that of a body... so what is it? I'm still trying to figure out what part of my life is coming to an end and brewing towards a new beginning...

Puppy's getting his tattoo done today on his inner forearm; Till I collapse. I can't wait to see it.

Smile smile

Went to see puppy last night. I was a bit hesitant about it though cos I didn't know if I was ready to see or talk to him yet. But it's been 4 days and I missed him a hell lot. So much I felt lethargic the whole time. Numb and whatever-ish.

We talked about what happenned. And it's all good. I'm satisfied. He seemed satisfied. We're happy again. I feel fine now. I really do. In every aspect of the word.

It's already 7pm and I'm still lurking around in the office. Speaking of lurking... hmmm... another blog maybe. Gotta ciao.

S.I.G.H.

Noticed I've been using the word 'rut' alot. I never knew what it really meant untill I checked the dictionary.

1. An annually recurring condition or period of sexual excitement and reproductive activity in male deer.
2. A condition or period of mammalian sexual activity, such as estrus.
3. A sucken track or groove made by the passage of vehicles.
4. A fixed, usually boring routine.

I like how the word 'rut' sound with how I wanted to express it so, I'm not gonna stop using the word the way I wanna use it.

PJ's first day at work today!!! I just remembered. Heh. I'm very proud and happy of/for the lil rut. She got the job she wanted and lets hope she doesn't forget us when she gets up there! Heh. Nah. I have faith in all of us: The Gang.

I'm still feeling very moody about the situation between me and pups. Haven't really been talking to each other but there is a bit of messaging here and there. Dunno how things will go between us. I'm letting time do it's thang.

It's been a slow week and alot has been going on in my head (relationship wise and other stuffs which I somehow managed to link them with) and I... forgot.

Fuck it. How 'bout some comforting snack instead.

HERSHEY'S Creamy Milk Chocolate.

I dreamt I had a pet shark, who'd wag it's fin :)

Love sucks

We pigged out at Sakura's. Satisfying meal (tom yam chicken soup, kailan with oyster sauce, hotplate beancurd, hotplate black pepper chicken, fried wanton, fried baby squid) indeed. Mango Tropicana for dessert, then we hit the arcade. Raced abit and made the dudes jumped DDR (Dance Dance Revolution). Funny sight (hur hur hur!) Princess and I cracked up quite a bit.

Got the birthday boy 2 tees. One with a shot-down cupid with a message Love sucks, and the other, black, with some kinda, guard-ish design. Can't describe much. Basically, it's cool.

Wasn't anything big but it was good spending time together.

Side's that, not a lovey dovey weekend for moi. Love sucks.

: )

Just had one of the richest chocolate cake ever. It was to celebrate The Economist (I think) hitting the one million copies (of magazines?) circulated in Asia target. M.Lady and Angel would've appreciated it (the cake) as much (probably more) as I had. On the other hand, M.Lady's probably enjoying JJ at this moment even more *grins*

I'm satisfied... *pats beer belly*

Moose's birthday dinner tomorrow. Still trying to decide which pig-out to go (Sakura's or Swenson's). Haven't even got him a gift yet. Meeting Princess after work.

PS2 would've made the perfect gift for the boy but we're all short. Because of his duties in camp, can't afford to plan anything big. What a 21st.

Stomach ache...

Need to pee...

Later!

!@#$%^&*

Printed on one of the pages in Recruits, big and bold; ANIMAL KEEPER. I'm looking at it, and something in me still stirs even though I have already made up my mind. (Finally, after having to split my head the whole night.)

How do you choose between a job that pays you enough to pay off bills, split allowance with mommy and still live fairly comfortably financially, but it's only a part time job, and a job which pays you peanuts, but a career you've been dreaming of since the time you knew love?

I have been waiting for this moment and here it is. Right smack in the middle of my life. I was exhilarated. I starting imagining myself cleaning up those piles of shit, chopping up fruits and vegetables packed away in red buckets, having foam parties with the rhinos and the elephants, playing with the chicks and ducks, talking to the horses, hogging and sweating and worrying about smelling like pigs, getting bitten by snakes and porcupines...

My dream life, once again for the millionth time flashing through my head as I read the job scope.

And once again I have to put it aside.

The only thing I'm complaning about the current job is that it's boring. The money is good. The people in the office are pleasant. Most times I'm thankful for the amount of free time I have on hand at work so I can blog shit and surf crap.

At the same time, I'm so so so drawn to waking up early in the morning (SMILING NOT GROANING) knowing I'm gonna spend the whole day working with the four/six/seven leggeds! And sacrificing time with puppy? Reducing allowance for mommy? And probably be broke all the damn time?

I was so excited about the opoortunity that despite knowing fully well that I have more to lose than gain if I take it up, I still want it. I didn't want to care if I'm gonna be broke all the time. I didn't want to care if I won't get to see puppy as much cos it makes no difference to our situations even now, I didn't want to care if I had to cut down on the allowance for mom. I didn't want to care about anything except for my own undying passion.

I was almost 100% set on going for the interview today. I was worried about what I'd tell puppy. What am I gonna say? That I didn't care? BUT I DO!

After talking to puppy about it, a part of the load was lifted off my chest; Puppy reminded me, that the reason why I was feeling the way I was (stuck and hopeless even though a part of me was still hopeful, in another words, shitty) is because I made a commitment. I made a commitment to the job that I have now. I stopped actively looking for a space in the zoo because I told myself that I'll stick to this for as long as the job will keep me. There is nothing to lose. I have a job and I'm earning more than a standard part-timer would earn in a month. I'm financially independent (the one thing which will be very difficult for me to let go of)!

Another consolation would be, according to Amb, the zoo opens up for volunteers once every year. Chances of being part of the crew is still, well, achievable!

Untill I'm ready for that kind of commitment, I am truely, quite fairly content with the pay I am getting right now and as far as I am concerned, money comes into play at this moment for me.

It is the part where I want to be able to spend time with puppy, where I want to be able to give Mom a not-too-shabby allowance, where I want to be financially independent, that is holding me back.

As much as I'd like to have this dream come true, I'm in no hurry to smell like a pig.

Pulling a stunt

I haven't slept since yesterday morning (when I wake for work).

Was seeing D off at the airport earlier during the night. She's off to Brisbane for a new school life and should reach by now. Quite a bunch turned up. D was all over the place, hugging everyone for the last time. Her mom was not looking very happy probably cos we were holding her back from going in early. Chill mom. Plane's coming back in 3 days max but D's going for 5 months.

I threatened to carry her home. She's so small! Easy.

D cried. So did the rest (Amb, Rex (starter), Wend and PJ). Awww... Heh. The gang won't be the same without D really. Soon Rex will be on her way back to Perth =( I WANNA GO TOO!!!

We were missing D already when she checked in. Weird. Just weird...

Head down to Checker's for supper. Not too bad. Lotus (soup) and cream of chicken (soup) was filling the stomach up pretty well. And we talked... and we talked... and we talked... ..... and.... we talked..... ..... and we talked.... and..... ... .... ... ...talked......a....n...d.... .... .. t..........al.....k...... .... ... ...

6am and we were all dozing off big time. Then someone suggested Kiliney's for breakfast... so we walked.... and we walked.... and... .. ... .... ...w... a..... l.....k...ed..... ... ....... ... .....

Toasts and half boiled eggs for each of us. Stomach's not feeling too good. Not cos the food isn't good. I'm lacking energy... need.... sleep... bad... ... ........

Somehow I decided to come to work anyway.

Came to the office early... napped for like an hour plus.... splashed my face with cold water... only helped for like a split second.... still dead... fucking.... sleepy...

Still trying to decide if I should take the later half of the day off... ... .........

Urghhhh.... stomachache now...

Not pretty... not pretty at all... ... ...... ...

Happy 21st Princess!

Princess turns 21 on the eve of the last day of the month of January!

She's one of the first to turn 21 among the group of us so naturally, I'm still feeling excited for her!

29 Janaury 2005, 1600 hr: Princess came over to my crib to chill for a bit before the night of surprises starts. First birthday surprise (gift, if you will) was a pretty shiny lil tiara! She was to wear it through the night, symbolizing the 'steps' she was taking to be born once again to official adulthood! But nooooo. She quietly took it off during dinner.

29 January 2005, 1745 hr: Left the crib to joined up with Moose and D-dude (2nd surprise of the night) who were waiting at the station (as planned). From the squealing, her highness was obviously pleased seeing that her 2 knights were charmingly dressed and waiting for her arrival. Puppy whizzed by in a cab, picked up Princess and D-dude while me and Moose flagged another, down to 21 Club Street.

29 January 2005, 1830 hr: Dinner at Senso, an Italian restaurant (3rd surprise of the night). We were seated in a lovely courtyard ambience. Dinner was as lovely as it looked. Softest, most chewy lasagna I've ever had. Puppy had his share too. Princess and Moose had some cod or dory, thing. Fresh. D-dude had Ravioli. Tasty.

29 January 2005, 1900 hr: Mr K called Moose and told him that the cab driver (who apparently said "so near you want to take cab?!") taught him how to walk to club street.

29 January 2005, 1915 hr: Mr K should reach by now, but he isn't... (It only takes 5 minutes to get to Senso from where he was.)

29 January 2005, 1920 hr: Got Moose to call Mr K, turns out, he's stranded at (sounded like) Ang Chun Hill. Which I have no clue where that is, was hoping it'd better be within a 100 metre radius. A couple of minutes later Mr K said he's at 92 Club Street (-_-). Another minute passed, Mr K said, enthusiastically "ok I'm nearer! 52 Club street!" (-____-) Puppy suggested he asked around for Senso. Which he did and managed to reach in 5 minutes. Finally.

29 January 2005, 2008 hr: Satisfied with dinner, it's time to get the bill. This is the part where I got cheesed off abit. See I was in abit of a hurry to get the gang to the next location, so any dudes with a vest top and apron will do right? Called for this white guy in purple/yellow (if my memory didn't fail me) vest and apron around his waist, asked for the bill as he whizzed off in a hurry with a bottle of wine, or cork screw, whichever, and as he did so he signalled and probably said something like wait I'll be right back. Minutes later he whizzed past me again, managed to make eye contact with him for like 5 seconds in which he hurriedly explained with such arrogance and accent (which didn't make it any easier trying to understand him), (something close to) I'm the wine guy. I can't get you the bill. If I get you the bill other guests will be wailing for their wine. (Okay I added in the wailing part. That was how he made it sound like anyway.) Pointing to those in black/white vest top, They can get you the bill. Geeez. Other than that one petty moment, dinner was definately enjoyable, listening to the boys "chirped" about their national service life.

29 January 2005, about 2030 hr: Reached NewAsia, but we couldn't get in. Underaged boys. Crap. I felt really bad I didn't have a plan B for this. So sorry I made yall dressed up and in the end I couldn't get you guys in. Gurls above 18 were allowed though. So I brought Princess in for a little tour around the highest clubs in Singapore. I wished so bad for all of us to be in there, chilling, drinking, and enjoying the view (enough of the little boring island. Hows about a little meat *grins*). 5 minutes later, me and Princess were out. Tried to think up of a plan B. And decided to settle down at a spacious corner just outside Raffles shopping mall.

Brought in the brithday cake, Chocolate Classico. Yum. Also, a small bouquet of (one) pink Geberra. One of Princess's favourite flowers. It was supposed to be a bouquet of 21 white roses but, it was waaay too expensive for our budget. Happy 21st Princess!

Angel, M.Lady and Faiz dropped by for a little while before all of us decided to move on to... Esplanade. Last minute decision since we still have some time before Princess has to get home. Last surprise for the night (for all of us!), Taufic and gang were around the area as well. Princess managed to take some pics. Princess happy.

The night ended pretty well. Everyone's happy. Cept puppy was looking really shagged... *kisses*

A little reminder to myself, all is well again... =)

Okay. Not joyful. But okay.

It's been days since the unfateful. Breathing has been heavy. I can't (couldn't) talk about it because I didn't witnessed it firsthand. What's done's done. Said's said. Time will tell how things will go.

"Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers.
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers"

Eminem - Like Toy Soldier

I'm okay... Not joyful. But okay...

Hi Harry. Yes Harry. Tell Harry.

Weekend was a blast. Quite.

Mrs Darls turns 52 on Friday. Angel & I went over to her place to usher in the sacred day the day before. Snucked around the house trying to get one candle litted up (for the rest). From the kitchen to Puppy's room (where the almond fruitcake is hidden). The wind had to blow it out. Scurried back to the kitchen again, trying as hard as possible to look... disdained. Ha. Clock stirkes 12 as Angel pretends to get ready to leave. Lights off and out I marched with the litted cake.

Obviously that was just the beginning.

On the actual day itself, Angel & M.Lady brought Mrs Darls and Aunty Su to this brilliant Indian restaurent. I was away up north, meeting Princess and sister G for ice cream at Swensons. Head off to New Asia with another cake (Yogurt Frost) to surprise Mrs Darls yet again. Followed by a birthday movie treat at Suntec. Shall we dance? Lovely.

Saturday was D's bbq day. Put all the gurls to work and this is what you get; charcoals refused to burn because we couldn't block out the wind; chopsticks & plastic spoons were used to place fire-starters into place; fire starters crumbles to peices when it burns for too long before we managed to place the charcoals into position; rebuilding the structure (of charcoals) because they didn't catch the fire before the fire starters burnt out; thumb burnt while trying to brave the heat (from charcoals) out of desperation of hunger to put those fucking charcoals into place; a box of (about 20) fire starters were used to start the first session. (on average, less then 5 is needed).

The mess was paid off with fairly over cooked chicken wings, hot dogs, piles of seafood which I don't particularly pay attention to cos I'm allergic. Not forgetting beers and lots of hilarious card games. Alright it's either hilarious cos of the beer or the gang. But either way, I can safely say for all of us (me, Rex, Amb, PJ, D, Syl, Rex's boy) that we enjoyed the stupid rules of the rule card (Kings), the retardedness of waving your fingers (mostly the indexes & the middles) frantically in each other's faces to get a 4-of-a-kind then do a retarded move/pose (no sounds allowed!) to show you're the winner and the last to notice gets leveled up (loser!). You do not speak to those who are of a higher level (you don't want to be leveled up). But those of higher levels are allowed to manipulate the lower levels while the lower levels tries really hard not to make responsive sounds. Makes it even hard when you're high.

I was, of course, the repeatative loser. I was pretty good at not making forbidden contacts. But I can't seem to respond any faster. It's the brown stuff I tell you.

In between games we caught up. About an hour before dawn breaks, we had one last game of Hi Harry. Yes Harry. Tell Harry. Gets confusing. Not difficult. But when you've laugh so hard your sides hurt the whole night, and downed cans of beer when you've got the 4th King, and your brain is shutting down because it's lacking oxygen, you just don't realize you make a mistake and have a card added to your collection and in turn, made me the first loser of our last game.

The journey home was tedious because you're freezing from the morning's breeze and you're dying to snuggle into your bed. But all was worth the endurance. It was one of those days I laugh so hard and just be happy. Thanks D. All of yall. For giving me the chance to walk down this memory lane later on in life and laugh again at how retarded we had looked.

Love love!

Emo

Been yawning and stretching non stop since this morning. Not that there isn't any work to do. Just not much. On top of that I'm using the unaccessible-file-cos-B.Boss-has-it-opened excuse to not work. Lazy la.

Princess is turning 21 at the end of the month yay! Wanna plan something big but because I'm so low on budget... There's always plan B ;)

The gurl still hasn't learn to swim. Apparently, Mr F has already given up on her. Last I heard, he tried to drown her. Or so she thought. Ha.

Speaking of air stewarding, puppy and I have had talks about it. I'd like him to come with me, after he finishes his contracts with the military. Servicing definately isn't his forte. If I make the cut for the job, and he doesn't... I don't wanna have to deal with not seeing him for days or possibly even weeks! It's hard enough going through the same thing now for the past year. And on the other hand, if he makes it and I don't... I'd be damn distraught... he's said that he's willing to give it up but I wouldn't wanna hold him back from the perfect chance to seize for the world! Literally!

Tough...

Must get new swimsuit anyway. How's a 2 piece, black tank top and micro/boxer shorts.

Won't be seeing Ramsey for awhile now. Will miss his presence. Although I don't really hang around but the last few days has got quite a surreal feel to it when he visits home.

It really isn't that long a time. She's got her studies to take care of anyway. I pray sister G holds out.