Japan was beautiful. It was a pity I didn't get to fully breathe it all in. There were issues to be dealt, Noa to be missed. Good thing for cameras. Helps with the memories.
I'm having trouble handling the MIL. Mainly because, a lot has been tolerated.
I tried to communicate. Thought the reason why she apparently keeps saying the "wrong things" to me was because I didn't communicate enough. So I responded. She countered. I end up biting my lips.
I tried to ignore her so called casual comments. Gets to me after some time and I implode. I call them (her so called casual comments) irresponsible.
So now I'm trying NOT to communicate. I'd say hi. Greet mornings. Maybe a thank you if I feel grateful enough. But I'm not responding to her casual comments.
"You gave him too much noodle."
. . .
I may let out an exasperated sigh. I may conscientiously bite my lips. But I'm not responding. No "oh yeah?" No "oh I didn't realize..." No "maybe I'll take some."
I am starting to believe that she actually hates me. Probably jealous of the fact that I married her favourite son. Probably feeling lonely.
But I've played the niceness enough. It's not appreciated. So I'm just gonna stay away. Play ghost in my own house. Get out if she's in.
I'm nice. But I'm not that nice.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Law Abiding Citizen
Noa had fallen and dislocated her left hind joint...
Breaks my heart as she howled in pain...
Breaks my soul when the option of
(1) putting her under for a long surgery...
(2) or under enough anesthesia to pop it back in place...
(3) or leave her be so her dislocated joint will have to bear a long process of pain to fit in its off-position in which she'll end up having an awkward leg to move around or snuggle herself in...
Problem with (1), there's a high risk of putting a dog her age under g.a. It compromises her organs and she might not wake. It will be a long tedious surgery.
Problem with (2), as with (1), except she'll be under for like an hour or so. The vet also emphasized that this option has the highest failure rate. Her bones are getting old and her socket is shallow. Which means, it may pop out of position again. We could repeat this process many times, which means the risk when she goes under every time.
Problem with (3), we find it hard to deal with the fact that she will be in pain until she gets used to the fact that her joint will never be in position ever again.
We needed an option that fixes her pain fast. She couldn't stand and cries when she tried to move. So we decided on (2). Put her leg back into position, and thus, began our prayers.
Tears of relief when I got the call from the hospital and said that Noa is up and we can pick her up.
It's only been 10 hours since we brought her home. She's restless, but doing well. Bet she feels real awkward with her fixed leg bound. She's not allowed to move it for awhile.
She's being so brave for us and we're so proud of her.
What I didn't appreciate was the condescending condolences.
We REALIZED Noa cannot be allowed to jump anymore. No couch. No bed. No curbs.
We DEFINITELY will not let her go up on the shoe cabinet (where she must have fallen from) no more. She loves the spot. She'd sit on top and look out the window. Many times she'll get up there, sit and watch the world go by or cats roaming about.
We beat ourselves up enough for this to even happen, so OBVIOUSLY, having her joint dislocated is a "well received" wake up call.
We're not clueless.
So if you haven't got anything nice to say, just shut up and pray.
Breaks my heart as she howled in pain...
Breaks my soul when the option of
(1) putting her under for a long surgery...
(2) or under enough anesthesia to pop it back in place...
(3) or leave her be so her dislocated joint will have to bear a long process of pain to fit in its off-position in which she'll end up having an awkward leg to move around or snuggle herself in...
Problem with (1), there's a high risk of putting a dog her age under g.a. It compromises her organs and she might not wake. It will be a long tedious surgery.
Problem with (2), as with (1), except she'll be under for like an hour or so. The vet also emphasized that this option has the highest failure rate. Her bones are getting old and her socket is shallow. Which means, it may pop out of position again. We could repeat this process many times, which means the risk when she goes under every time.
Problem with (3), we find it hard to deal with the fact that she will be in pain until she gets used to the fact that her joint will never be in position ever again.
We needed an option that fixes her pain fast. She couldn't stand and cries when she tried to move. So we decided on (2). Put her leg back into position, and thus, began our prayers.
Tears of relief when I got the call from the hospital and said that Noa is up and we can pick her up.
It's only been 10 hours since we brought her home. She's restless, but doing well. Bet she feels real awkward with her fixed leg bound. She's not allowed to move it for awhile.
She's being so brave for us and we're so proud of her.
What I didn't appreciate was the condescending condolences.
We REALIZED Noa cannot be allowed to jump anymore. No couch. No bed. No curbs.
We DEFINITELY will not let her go up on the shoe cabinet (where she must have fallen from) no more. She loves the spot. She'd sit on top and look out the window. Many times she'll get up there, sit and watch the world go by or cats roaming about.
We beat ourselves up enough for this to even happen, so OBVIOUSLY, having her joint dislocated is a "well received" wake up call.
We're not clueless.
So if you haven't got anything nice to say, just shut up and pray.
Friday, November 26, 2010
He's Just Not That Into You / Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 / My Thinking Space
What is your current profession and how did you choose your career path (where did you study, learn, become inspired)?
I'm a housewife, for about 4 months now. It was a difficult decision, coming from a feminist working era, in this country at least. Almost everyone I know of my age are out there making a namesake for themselves. Earning the bucks. I have not had the smoothest career path I must say. But I did enjoy some of those times clocking in 9 to 6, waitressing, zookeeping, show presenting, vet assisting, teaching, hospitality marketing.
I graduated with a Diploma in a major I did not learn to appreciate at all. I didn't have the brains for it and I'm fine with that.
I learn mainly from life experiences. The heart breaks, the politics, the passion for certain details, music, movies, people I've crossed paths with.
My husband inspires me. He's smart, geeky and has a very high tolerance for my sometimes dramatic idealism/fascism. He is currently pursuing his PHD and we have Noa, a Shiba Inu. We love her so much but she's been having this skin problems that doesn't seem to be going away as quickly as we would like it to be. I couldn't handle work (from my last job) because I was worrying endlessly about her condition (she would scratch and bite herself sore, add on political issues at work) and I'm extremely anal about having things done a certain way at home. Things were just getting too much to handle so I decided to let one thing go; my job. And now I focus on taking care of the house, the husband and Noa. It's been working out. I'm reading more. Gaining perspectives, always a good thing.
Where did you grow up? How did it influence who you are today?
I grew up here in Singapore, born Malaysian. I get to see how living on both sides of the counties is like. I must say, I am luckier than I thought. I got the better part of education (more like advanced than better I'd say) and security here. I get to live a stress free life when I visit my relatives back in Malaysia, where the farm animals roam and people leading a slower pace. But I'd much rather a more open space where there's no shoving, no lousy public behaviors, dog friendly, nature loving place. Coming from where I am, I've learned to appreciate all those things when the universe presents it. Even in this small, uptight country.
What are you passionate about?
Photography, playing house mistress, learning the world, the urge to psycho analyse people.
What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My geeky husband.
Why have you chosen this as your thinking space?
There's always all sorts of thoughts going through in my mind and sometimes, it's better left unsaid, and blog.
I'm a housewife, for about 4 months now. It was a difficult decision, coming from a feminist working era, in this country at least. Almost everyone I know of my age are out there making a namesake for themselves. Earning the bucks. I have not had the smoothest career path I must say. But I did enjoy some of those times clocking in 9 to 6, waitressing, zookeeping, show presenting, vet assisting, teaching, hospitality marketing.
I graduated with a Diploma in a major I did not learn to appreciate at all. I didn't have the brains for it and I'm fine with that.
I learn mainly from life experiences. The heart breaks, the politics, the passion for certain details, music, movies, people I've crossed paths with.
My husband inspires me. He's smart, geeky and has a very high tolerance for my sometimes dramatic idealism/fascism. He is currently pursuing his PHD and we have Noa, a Shiba Inu. We love her so much but she's been having this skin problems that doesn't seem to be going away as quickly as we would like it to be. I couldn't handle work (from my last job) because I was worrying endlessly about her condition (she would scratch and bite herself sore, add on political issues at work) and I'm extremely anal about having things done a certain way at home. Things were just getting too much to handle so I decided to let one thing go; my job. And now I focus on taking care of the house, the husband and Noa. It's been working out. I'm reading more. Gaining perspectives, always a good thing.
Where did you grow up? How did it influence who you are today?
I grew up here in Singapore, born Malaysian. I get to see how living on both sides of the counties is like. I must say, I am luckier than I thought. I got the better part of education (more like advanced than better I'd say) and security here. I get to live a stress free life when I visit my relatives back in Malaysia, where the farm animals roam and people leading a slower pace. But I'd much rather a more open space where there's no shoving, no lousy public behaviors, dog friendly, nature loving place. Coming from where I am, I've learned to appreciate all those things when the universe presents it. Even in this small, uptight country.
What are you passionate about?
Photography, playing house mistress, learning the world, the urge to psycho analyse people.
What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My geeky husband.
Why have you chosen this as your thinking space?
There's always all sorts of thoughts going through in my mind and sometimes, it's better left unsaid, and blog.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo / Greenzone / Ghost Town
After seeing how life can be a lot worst, I feel like the smallest person on Earth. Especially right before that, I was just bitching away about some petty shit. The same old crap which I should already have put it behind me.
As if fighting politically isn't enough. I may have just finally put the pettiness to rest. I'll probably regress. I'm just gonna have to remember to tell myself that there are bigger problems out there. Real huge.
People being used as pawns in their political games (gains) is just sick. That's on a bigger scale, like governing. Going to war and stuff.
On a smaller scale, I know the only reason why some families are civilize with each other, because they NEED each other. Always having a 'gracious' excuse at the back of their plotting minds. Always with the family ties for any obligations. The guilt trips. Vicious.
Oh look at me regressing already.
For goodness's sake, can be a pretty convenient of an excuse.
'Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.' - Albert Einstein
I just prayed for all whom I love and loves me.
As if fighting politically isn't enough. I may have just finally put the pettiness to rest. I'll probably regress. I'm just gonna have to remember to tell myself that there are bigger problems out there. Real huge.
People being used as pawns in their political games (gains) is just sick. That's on a bigger scale, like governing. Going to war and stuff.
On a smaller scale, I know the only reason why some families are civilize with each other, because they NEED each other. Always having a 'gracious' excuse at the back of their plotting minds. Always with the family ties for any obligations. The guilt trips. Vicious.
Oh look at me regressing already.
For goodness's sake, can be a pretty convenient of an excuse.
'Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.' - Albert Einstein
I just prayed for all whom I love and loves me.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Due Date / Zombieland
Yea the geeky charm's still got it's thing on me...
AND I so love the gay thing that people do. It's just so dramatic and fun!
And I THINK... I think... I'm learning the tricks of being all... zen. Well except for a recent after-funeral trip which tripped the mother in law out for abit. And the eye-balling of an excuse of the funeral trip. Ok not quite zen there but I'm always gonna be working on it.
AND I so love the gay thing that people do. It's just so dramatic and fun!
And I THINK... I think... I'm learning the tricks of being all... zen. Well except for a recent after-funeral trip which tripped the mother in law out for abit. And the eye-balling of an excuse of the funeral trip. Ok not quite zen there but I'm always gonna be working on it.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Paranormal Activity 2 / Social Network
The dreaded wedding is over. I must have said that (out loud or not) so many times because I'm starting to get on my own nerves. So I made a silent promise to myself and the husband that I shall not bad mouth about it anymore. They shall not exist.
I am however very excited about the sister's wedding this weekend. The relatives will be arriving in a couple of days. Excite excite.
And I like geeks.
I am however very excited about the sister's wedding this weekend. The relatives will be arriving in a couple of days. Excite excite.
And I like geeks.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Ratatouille / Vicky Cristina Barcelona
I've watched Ratatouille so many times but it never fails to bring back the sparkles.
I'd like to inspire and instill understanding, honesty, love, peace and harmony amongst humanity. It sounds too grand a scale but I'm thinking more like paying it forward.
I know it starts with me and I'm still working on it.
I've come to accept a few things I couldn't before. The understanding of not really able to accept certain attitudes (if in my case) and that for others, it's just basically a different life and choice or even timing.
I hate myself less every time I hear myself spouting un-pleasantries in my head when certain behaviour gets on my nerves.
I've come to like having some privacy on these thoughts.
I'd like to inspire and instill understanding, honesty, love, peace and harmony amongst humanity. It sounds too grand a scale but I'm thinking more like paying it forward.
I know it starts with me and I'm still working on it.
I've come to accept a few things I couldn't before. The understanding of not really able to accept certain attitudes (if in my case) and that for others, it's just basically a different life and choice or even timing.
I hate myself less every time I hear myself spouting un-pleasantries in my head when certain behaviour gets on my nerves.
I've come to like having some privacy on these thoughts.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Bodyguards & Assassins / Coco before Chanel / The Town
Feudalism. Revolution. Communism. Democracy. Politics.
It's necessary. Unavoidable. But can't they just do it like, gently?
Evolution worked out just fine only at a natural rate.
We're no Titans and I think Mother Nature has proven that size does matter.
I think ideas are meant to enlighten rather than influence.
I'd rather understand than blindly take sides just cos it seems to suit better. I hate that I'm still guilty of the latter. Cos trying to understand isn't easy.
Sigh... always with the easy way out...
How 'bout that selfless good deed. Does pretending to agree with the mother in law counts as a selfless good deed? It burns me up to oblige since I'm so stubbornly opinionated. And if I just went along it makes at least one person happy. But then again, it's not exactly selfless cos I'd be keeping trouble away, for myself, which should make me feel, good...?
Joey Tribianni's right. There is no such thing as a selfless good deed and I'm okay with that.
It's necessary. Unavoidable. But can't they just do it like, gently?
Evolution worked out just fine only at a natural rate.
We're no Titans and I think Mother Nature has proven that size does matter.
I think ideas are meant to enlighten rather than influence.
I'd rather understand than blindly take sides just cos it seems to suit better. I hate that I'm still guilty of the latter. Cos trying to understand isn't easy.
Sigh... always with the easy way out...
How 'bout that selfless good deed. Does pretending to agree with the mother in law counts as a selfless good deed? It burns me up to oblige since I'm so stubbornly opinionated. And if I just went along it makes at least one person happy. But then again, it's not exactly selfless cos I'd be keeping trouble away, for myself, which should make me feel, good...?
Joey Tribianni's right. There is no such thing as a selfless good deed and I'm okay with that.
Friday, October 22, 2010
From Dusk to Dawn / Detective Dee / The Legend of Chen Zhen / Shutter Island / Outrage / some samurai japanese movie
I've been a full time housewife for about 3 months now. I must say, I'm getting the hang of it. Although not quite on the routine. Then again routines never really worked for me. So I just go with the flow. And setting the discipline in motion as well. My sleeping hours are just not normal enough.
I won't say I'm the best, yet. Still working on those cooking skill. The cleaning though, is my forte.
So I haven't been the best of moods in between, but I figured it's usually like this when you're trying to figure something out... All the thinking about whether I've made the right decisions... thus affecting my confidence, my central of gravity, my good conscious & subconscious... I was mental.
And also while in the midst of all these chaos, I was completely aware of how supportive Starfish has been. From the mood swings to the tantrums to selfishly asking for time out and taking me to that restaurant which I had cravings for that juicy, juicy steak and I was convinced it would swing my mood the other way... which we didn't get to go by the way because of well, my mood swings.
His patience made me grow up a little every day... I feel precious...
I am the luckiest bitch ever.
There's also the sister's wedding to prepare for. We were running errands as and when. Getting all the props ready. Praying to Mother Jesus Mary for the best, really. And happy to say, that all's gooooood!
I also had one of the best birthday. A treat from the mei mei; Universal Studio. Receiving birthday wishes from those closest to heart and mail from the bestie, a Chomel cystal crucifix & flower and a laundry basket I've been eyeing on. I'm easy to please.
Yes these are the things that matters; love & happiness...
Blessed be, my loves.
I won't say I'm the best, yet. Still working on those cooking skill. The cleaning though, is my forte.
So I haven't been the best of moods in between, but I figured it's usually like this when you're trying to figure something out... All the thinking about whether I've made the right decisions... thus affecting my confidence, my central of gravity, my good conscious & subconscious... I was mental.
And also while in the midst of all these chaos, I was completely aware of how supportive Starfish has been. From the mood swings to the tantrums to selfishly asking for time out and taking me to that restaurant which I had cravings for that juicy, juicy steak and I was convinced it would swing my mood the other way... which we didn't get to go by the way because of well, my mood swings.
His patience made me grow up a little every day... I feel precious...
I am the luckiest bitch ever.
There's also the sister's wedding to prepare for. We were running errands as and when. Getting all the props ready. Praying to Mother Jesus Mary for the best, really. And happy to say, that all's gooooood!
I also had one of the best birthday. A treat from the mei mei; Universal Studio. Receiving birthday wishes from those closest to heart and mail from the bestie, a Chomel cystal crucifix & flower and a laundry basket I've been eyeing on. I'm easy to please.
Yes these are the things that matters; love & happiness...
Blessed be, my loves.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Snatch
I may have just learned to shut up.
I've been in such terrible mood swinging phase its pissing me off.
Recently I've been praying.
Praying for the strength. Praying for more strength. Praying for ultimate strength for others.
I haven't prayed so much for such a long while.
I dunno if my bloated stomach's been affected because of the whole negative aura that's been conjuring around/within me.
Sigh this is depressing. How like that.
How. Like. That.
I NEED TO FIGHT THE DEMON IN ME.
I've been in such terrible mood swinging phase its pissing me off.
Recently I've been praying.
Praying for the strength. Praying for more strength. Praying for ultimate strength for others.
I haven't prayed so much for such a long while.
I dunno if my bloated stomach's been affected because of the whole negative aura that's been conjuring around/within me.
Sigh this is depressing. How like that.
How. Like. That.
I NEED TO FIGHT THE DEMON IN ME.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Resident Evil: After Life
There's the routine which I never got routed into.
There's the bitch in me I could never get used to.
There's the idealist in me whom I haven't got in touch with.
There's the siren in me I've yet to release.
There's so much more to know when I thought I knew enough.
******************************************************
System of a Down - Toxicity
Conversion, software version 7.0
Looking at life through the eyes of a tire hub
Eating seeds is a past time activity
The toxicity of our city, of our city
No, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder
Now somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
More wood for the fires, loud neighbours
Flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a truck
Eating seeds is a past time activity
The toxicity of our city, our city
No, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder
Now somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
No, what do you own the world?
How do do you own disorder
Now somehwere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
When I became the sun
I shone life into the mans' hearts
When I became the sun
I shone life into the mans' hearts
******************************************************
There's the bitch in me I could never get used to.
There's the idealist in me whom I haven't got in touch with.
There's the siren in me I've yet to release.
There's so much more to know when I thought I knew enough.
******************************************************
System of a Down - Toxicity
Conversion, software version 7.0
Looking at life through the eyes of a tire hub
Eating seeds is a past time activity
The toxicity of our city, of our city
No, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder
Now somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
More wood for the fires, loud neighbours
Flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a truck
Eating seeds is a past time activity
The toxicity of our city, our city
No, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder
Now somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
No, what do you own the world?
How do do you own disorder
Now somehwere between the sacred silence
Sacred silence and sleep
Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep
Disorder, disorder, disorder
When I became the sun
I shone life into the mans' hearts
When I became the sun
I shone life into the mans' hearts
******************************************************
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Expendables
I didn't know I'd have such crush on action men.
**********************************
Eminem ft Rihanna - Love the way you lie
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
***********************************
**********************************
Eminem ft Rihanna - Love the way you lie
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
***********************************
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
SALT
She's as beautiful as ever and August Diehl, the inglorious bastard kind I like.
Evelyn Salt & Mike Krause's love was like Beth Orton's and William Orbit's own version of Dice...
Tough love...
******************************
Beth Orton - Roll The Dice
She said I put a spell on you
He said there's nothing I could do
And I wouldn't love the way I do since I began losing you
And nothing can compare to when you roll the dice
And you swaer your love's for me
And she doesn't know if she can keep it together forever
She said I only wanted to possess you
It's dangerous
He said I only try to impress you
It's strangeness
And I wouldn't love the way I do
If I didn't know it was true
And I'd never love the way I do since I began losing you
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice
And you swear your love's for me
And she don't know if she can keep it together forever
And nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
And she don't know if she can keep it together forever...
******************************
William Orbit - Dice
I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Where your gardens have no walls
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Misty mornings and water falls
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Virtuous sensibility
Escape velocity
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell...
******************************
2 very sweet & gentle girls approached and invited me to join their bible study group so they can share how meaningful life is.
We have a soul and life doesn't just end here, she said...
I said I'm okay & thanked them for sharing.
I couldn't even begin to explain what I have fathom since I became aware...
Or rather, since the idea of Jesus who died on the the cross, didn't.
I figured it's not in my place to judge but I do have the sneaky habit of hitting where it might hurt.
Or so I think...
Evelyn Salt & Mike Krause's love was like Beth Orton's and William Orbit's own version of Dice...
Tough love...
******************************
Beth Orton - Roll The Dice
She said I put a spell on you
He said there's nothing I could do
And I wouldn't love the way I do since I began losing you
And nothing can compare to when you roll the dice
And you swaer your love's for me
And she doesn't know if she can keep it together forever
She said I only wanted to possess you
It's dangerous
He said I only try to impress you
It's strangeness
And I wouldn't love the way I do
If I didn't know it was true
And I'd never love the way I do since I began losing you
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice
And you swear your love's for me
And she don't know if she can keep it together forever
And nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
And she don't know if she can keep it together forever...
******************************
William Orbit - Dice
I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Where your gardens have no walls
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
I was crying over you
I am smiling I think of you
Misty mornings and water falls
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Virtuous sensibility
Escape velocity
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
Breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell...
******************************
2 very sweet & gentle girls approached and invited me to join their bible study group so they can share how meaningful life is.
We have a soul and life doesn't just end here, she said...
I said I'm okay & thanked them for sharing.
I couldn't even begin to explain what I have fathom since I became aware...
Or rather, since the idea of Jesus who died on the the cross, didn't.
I figured it's not in my place to judge but I do have the sneaky habit of hitting where it might hurt.
Or so I think...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Resident Evil : Extinction
It's been...
1 month since besty left for L.A.
20 days since I quit ASIN.
1 week since Granny's passing.
Only, why does all these seem like such an exaggeratingly long time ago?
Starfish has just started on his PHD. And already I'm so proud of him I could cry just thinking about it.
Sometimes I wish I was half as determined and passionate as he is.
Inception was such a mind blasting movie we haven't had any mood to watch any new movies.
I'm happy. With myself and how things are moving along.
Just need a little getting used to.
*********************************************************
Verve Pipe - Never Let You Down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down
Your friends are well-meaning
When they said, no-one is good enough for you
But if they play with your emotions
Dismiss the notion
And do what you have to do
Cause people don't take chances with their hearts
Since I met you I have past the hardest part
So remember one thing
I will never let you down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down
Sometimes you feel defeated
But it's OK
You're not the only one
And all the complications
Bad situations happen to everyone
It doesn't matter how it ended or began
Sometimes the best that you can do is change your plans
I hope you understand that
I will never let you down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down...
*************************************************
1 month since besty left for L.A.
20 days since I quit ASIN.
1 week since Granny's passing.
Only, why does all these seem like such an exaggeratingly long time ago?
Starfish has just started on his PHD. And already I'm so proud of him I could cry just thinking about it.
Sometimes I wish I was half as determined and passionate as he is.
Inception was such a mind blasting movie we haven't had any mood to watch any new movies.
I'm happy. With myself and how things are moving along.
Just need a little getting used to.
*********************************************************
Verve Pipe - Never Let You Down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down
Your friends are well-meaning
When they said, no-one is good enough for you
But if they play with your emotions
Dismiss the notion
And do what you have to do
Cause people don't take chances with their hearts
Since I met you I have past the hardest part
So remember one thing
I will never let you down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down
Sometimes you feel defeated
But it's OK
You're not the only one
And all the complications
Bad situations happen to everyone
It doesn't matter how it ended or began
Sometimes the best that you can do is change your plans
I hope you understand that
I will never let you down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around
And I will never let you down...
*************************************************
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Prince of Persia / Despicable Me / Toy Story 3
To rid the pettiness of the environment seemed too naive a task.
Life has taken a step back. I'm back to where I was 4 months ago. This time, a different choice made.
My priorities has always been the same. But for some reason, somehow along the way, distractions veered me off track and I start focusing on things that don't mean any more important. My energy drained and I couldn't care less.
I get anxiety attacks all day long because I lose track (and energy) of things I need to take care of.
I'm tired. I'm not fitting in. And I refuse to.
The besty is leaving for L.A. soon. I don't know what I'll do. I haven't thought about it. Don't really want to.
But I know I'm happy seeing how the fairy tale worked out. Happily ever after has only just begun.
As for me, empowering as I feel, vulnerability isn't far off.
Life has taken a step back. I'm back to where I was 4 months ago. This time, a different choice made.
My priorities has always been the same. But for some reason, somehow along the way, distractions veered me off track and I start focusing on things that don't mean any more important. My energy drained and I couldn't care less.
I get anxiety attacks all day long because I lose track (and energy) of things I need to take care of.
I'm tired. I'm not fitting in. And I refuse to.
The besty is leaving for L.A. soon. I don't know what I'll do. I haven't thought about it. Don't really want to.
But I know I'm happy seeing how the fairy tale worked out. Happily ever after has only just begun.
As for me, empowering as I feel, vulnerability isn't far off.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
KickAss / Iron Man 2
So it's come to the point where I'm dying to state the obvious.
I'm no saint. So I hang on to the good people I've come to treasure and steer clear of the cynics and the selfish.
I love you good people.
I'm no saint. So I hang on to the good people I've come to treasure and steer clear of the cynics and the selfish.
I love you good people.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Alice in The Wonderland
Ever since I started doing corporate hours, I realized the problem with unruly management is that there is just too much pettiness in the world.
The insecurities of a manager causing tension between staff by their unnecessarily condescending tone. The irresponsible comments made by the one who calls all shots stirring the misunderstanding sort of disrespect.
The managerial position is a very difficult place to hold. They had obligations to suck up to people they themselves don't fancy. They're in a position where every letter of their word counts.
We hang on to these words like our life depends on it.
I absolutely refuse to hang on to any of anyone's words. So much so that I am willing to give the benefit the doubt to the Low-EQ lot. Though it did take a whole load of my ego. I'm starting to feel like the smile is cramping up on my mouth.
I'm no saint. I'm as petty as everyone else. I just get so tired of the barbaric mess that I didn't wanna get sucked into it. So I make jokes and laugh and earned myself the "cute" label which I seem to have come to terms with it.
It's laborious. Having to deal with these 5 and a half days a week, 8 hours a day for the rest of my working life.
And what's worst, is when you thought you could shake all these off once you step out of the vacinity, the one person who could make you forget all the pettiness, isn't there for you.
The one person you need to hear or hug from. The one person you married.
I am this close to hurling that Willier and all the others out.
The insecurities of a manager causing tension between staff by their unnecessarily condescending tone. The irresponsible comments made by the one who calls all shots stirring the misunderstanding sort of disrespect.
The managerial position is a very difficult place to hold. They had obligations to suck up to people they themselves don't fancy. They're in a position where every letter of their word counts.
We hang on to these words like our life depends on it.
I absolutely refuse to hang on to any of anyone's words. So much so that I am willing to give the benefit the doubt to the Low-EQ lot. Though it did take a whole load of my ego. I'm starting to feel like the smile is cramping up on my mouth.
I'm no saint. I'm as petty as everyone else. I just get so tired of the barbaric mess that I didn't wanna get sucked into it. So I make jokes and laugh and earned myself the "cute" label which I seem to have come to terms with it.
It's laborious. Having to deal with these 5 and a half days a week, 8 hours a day for the rest of my working life.
And what's worst, is when you thought you could shake all these off once you step out of the vacinity, the one person who could make you forget all the pettiness, isn't there for you.
The one person you need to hear or hug from. The one person you married.
I am this close to hurling that Willier and all the others out.
Monday, March 01, 2010
Jumanji / The Ruins / The Fast and the Furious / Majide (Japanese gameshow) / Interview with a Vampire / Pursuit of Happiness
Everything about Bangkok feels like a sleazefest. I don't want to be judgemental, but it's hard not to when every where you turn, there are these ang mohs strutting around as if they own the sois. These men who are either cheating on their wives or not having some sort of goals in life except to have some cheap crude sexual fantasies fulfilled.
I dunno who ruined it for Bangkok. The Thais themselves or these ang mohs.
Imagine walking down Orchard Road and seeing mothers with children beggars, cabbies waiting to rip you off... It's disturbing.
All these makes me want to learn more about the situations in Bangkok.
I admit there had been some stereotypical thoughts going in my head before this trip. But I had always thought it couldn't be worst than what's in my head. And then I saw, and fell sick. Literally. The air was so bad I couldn't stop coughing.
Bangkok is moving too fast for it's own good. It's got luxury malls surrounded by unhygienic food carts, flea markets looking to rip off values beyond its quality, and the beggars had me feeling skepticism rather than sympathy.
I know life is hard, least to say trying to lead a life in poverty in a third world country. I pray and hope for the authorities to do what's best for their people rather than for their own benefit.
I've seen what I've thought, and I honestly didn't like it one bit. But it did remind me that I'm in a much better place than they are and therefore any rights to complain, isn't mine.
I dunno who ruined it for Bangkok. The Thais themselves or these ang mohs.
Imagine walking down Orchard Road and seeing mothers with children beggars, cabbies waiting to rip you off... It's disturbing.
All these makes me want to learn more about the situations in Bangkok.
I admit there had been some stereotypical thoughts going in my head before this trip. But I had always thought it couldn't be worst than what's in my head. And then I saw, and fell sick. Literally. The air was so bad I couldn't stop coughing.
Bangkok is moving too fast for it's own good. It's got luxury malls surrounded by unhygienic food carts, flea markets looking to rip off values beyond its quality, and the beggars had me feeling skepticism rather than sympathy.
I know life is hard, least to say trying to lead a life in poverty in a third world country. I pray and hope for the authorities to do what's best for their people rather than for their own benefit.
I've seen what I've thought, and I honestly didn't like it one bit. But it did remind me that I'm in a much better place than they are and therefore any rights to complain, isn't mine.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Invention of Lying / Sleeping Beauty
Where the Sun rises in the East.
It was incredible. Awesome. And right now, since being back for about 2 weeks, I've been having some serious withdrawal symptoms.
All the temples visiting made it a very spiritual trip. But even that aside, the culture, so strong and respectful, gave me a wider perspective of the Japanese. It was a civilization. An overworked society, but so cultured. It was all pride and quality. Pride upon their own beliefs. It was almost as if they were not judgemental, unless you give them a reason so unethical.
Disney Tokyo was lovely and there, I felt and tasted snow for the first time. It was. . . as I'd heard a Japanese girl saying, "kawaii".
NIKKO was a little too cold even for Starfish. Our stay at NIKKO INN was a tad incredulous starting with Starfish having to check-in at the under renovated reception which resembled an interrogation room (with a single orange light bulb hanging from the ceiling, a wooden table and a chair) and the small, palm sized TV in the living room, and last but not the least, especially to Starfish's horror, we had to make our own futon beds.
I get the feeling that's why Starfish fell sick. LOL.
All in all, a return trip is a must. Maybe sometime in spring, when the sakura blooms and the weather doesn't kill.
It was incredible. Awesome. And right now, since being back for about 2 weeks, I've been having some serious withdrawal symptoms.
All the temples visiting made it a very spiritual trip. But even that aside, the culture, so strong and respectful, gave me a wider perspective of the Japanese. It was a civilization. An overworked society, but so cultured. It was all pride and quality. Pride upon their own beliefs. It was almost as if they were not judgemental, unless you give them a reason so unethical.
Disney Tokyo was lovely and there, I felt and tasted snow for the first time. It was. . . as I'd heard a Japanese girl saying, "kawaii".
NIKKO was a little too cold even for Starfish. Our stay at NIKKO INN was a tad incredulous starting with Starfish having to check-in at the under renovated reception which resembled an interrogation room (with a single orange light bulb hanging from the ceiling, a wooden table and a chair) and the small, palm sized TV in the living room, and last but not the least, especially to Starfish's horror, we had to make our own futon beds.
I get the feeling that's why Starfish fell sick. LOL.
All in all, a return trip is a must. Maybe sometime in spring, when the sakura blooms and the weather doesn't kill.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Detroit Metal City
“Go to DMC! Go to DMC! Go to DMC!”
I’m freezing in Trioon right now. I couldn’t blog live. So I had to save in Word Document.
I realized, the whole blatantly-ignoring or staring-back with such uncomprehensive respond as if I’ve just said something foreign, isn’t just an Asian thing. I just had one Caucasian did that to me. Then again, maybe English was foreign to her.
I’ve said it. I’ve quit the Springers and will be serving sympathy notice till my Japan trip. I was feeling a huge amount of relief at first. The relief of not having to deal with being short changed amongst other repulsive behaviour. Then again who am I to judge. It IS their business.
So I’m moving on to something that pays better with better career prospect.
Today, for some reason, I felt this rush of sadness when I thought about the fact that I’ll be leaving the Springers soon. I’m not sure whether Olivia’s coo-ing instigated this unsupposed sadness, or am I actually sad AND worried about that fact that I might not be able to find a job before my Japan trip.
Doesn’t help that I’m constipated. Literally.
I’m freezing in Trioon right now. I couldn’t blog live. So I had to save in Word Document.
I realized, the whole blatantly-ignoring or staring-back with such uncomprehensive respond as if I’ve just said something foreign, isn’t just an Asian thing. I just had one Caucasian did that to me. Then again, maybe English was foreign to her.
I’ve said it. I’ve quit the Springers and will be serving sympathy notice till my Japan trip. I was feeling a huge amount of relief at first. The relief of not having to deal with being short changed amongst other repulsive behaviour. Then again who am I to judge. It IS their business.
So I’m moving on to something that pays better with better career prospect.
Today, for some reason, I felt this rush of sadness when I thought about the fact that I’ll be leaving the Springers soon. I’m not sure whether Olivia’s coo-ing instigated this unsupposed sadness, or am I actually sad AND worried about that fact that I might not be able to find a job before my Japan trip.
Doesn’t help that I’m constipated. Literally.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sherlock Holmes
Put two grown impeccably-intelligent boyish-men togather, I go ditzy.
The old British humour, I like. Sarcasm at it's class.
Which reminds me, how much an obnoxious turn off it is when the local uses it; it's just not cool.
I have been working everyday for the month of December. The kind of working life it used to be at Brewerkz and Zoo. I kinda like it. I like the change of environment. Like the sitch I get exposed to. Definitely like getting the extra pocket money.
Sherlock Holmes was a nice morning Christmas treat from The Moose. Very christmassy.
The eve was celebrated at the Norfor's. Big prezzie from the sister. Adorably packed chocos from the princess and a christmas song shared by the J. Haven't felt like Christmas in a couple of years and I'm glad it didn't feel too far off even when it isn't with the aunts and cuzzies back at Negri Sembilan.
It was nice and cosy. Just the way I like it.
"I wish it was christmas todaaaaeyyyy..."
The old British humour, I like. Sarcasm at it's class.
Which reminds me, how much an obnoxious turn off it is when the local uses it; it's just not cool.
I have been working everyday for the month of December. The kind of working life it used to be at Brewerkz and Zoo. I kinda like it. I like the change of environment. Like the sitch I get exposed to. Definitely like getting the extra pocket money.
Sherlock Holmes was a nice morning Christmas treat from The Moose. Very christmassy.
The eve was celebrated at the Norfor's. Big prezzie from the sister. Adorably packed chocos from the princess and a christmas song shared by the J. Haven't felt like Christmas in a couple of years and I'm glad it didn't feel too far off even when it isn't with the aunts and cuzzies back at Negri Sembilan.
It was nice and cosy. Just the way I like it.
"I wish it was christmas todaaaaeyyyy..."
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Avatar
Too nice. Tooo nice.
Sam Worthington, my new man on the list. Although I've never quite fancy a SAM. Unless it's a girl.
Steve Irvine, Michael Jackson, David Carradine, now Brittany Murphy...
All of whom I've reacted with a genuine shock; a defense mechanism. My naive mind denies any death before my own. I couldn't believe and truly finding it hard to accept that these glamours should face death at such an untimely hour of my life.
My folks think I'm naive. I may be. Honestly I'd prefer it no other way. Although some parts of me, wants to think the positivities of making that break and be relieved of financial obligations. Perhaps money can be good. Unfortunately for me, living in an era of where money talks, I just can't see the good of it.
To me, it's (money) become a religion which we manipulated to our own conscientious convenience. Money is good when you get to buy gifts for the love ones. To provide for those in need. Money is evil when you want more and will stop at nothing, not even with a nagging conscience, to get more.
Where I live, I see more of the latter.
Starfish thinks we should treasure money, so money will follow, and I, of course, snapped.
I have never been comfortable around money for some obscure reasons. When there's a chance of getting more, I simply turn away from it, thinking there's always a catch.
And then I calmed down and started thinking... Money IS neutral. It is a necessity in this day of age. Although I'd much prefer a time where we'd be trading items, but I guess money makes it all the more convenient. So, fair. I've finally accepted that money is a necessity.
But that don't mean that I'd go looking for more. I'll take my chances when my time is ripe.
Sam Worthington, my new man on the list. Although I've never quite fancy a SAM. Unless it's a girl.
Steve Irvine, Michael Jackson, David Carradine, now Brittany Murphy...
All of whom I've reacted with a genuine shock; a defense mechanism. My naive mind denies any death before my own. I couldn't believe and truly finding it hard to accept that these glamours should face death at such an untimely hour of my life.
My folks think I'm naive. I may be. Honestly I'd prefer it no other way. Although some parts of me, wants to think the positivities of making that break and be relieved of financial obligations. Perhaps money can be good. Unfortunately for me, living in an era of where money talks, I just can't see the good of it.
To me, it's (money) become a religion which we manipulated to our own conscientious convenience. Money is good when you get to buy gifts for the love ones. To provide for those in need. Money is evil when you want more and will stop at nothing, not even with a nagging conscience, to get more.
Where I live, I see more of the latter.
Starfish thinks we should treasure money, so money will follow, and I, of course, snapped.
I have never been comfortable around money for some obscure reasons. When there's a chance of getting more, I simply turn away from it, thinking there's always a catch.
And then I calmed down and started thinking... Money IS neutral. It is a necessity in this day of age. Although I'd much prefer a time where we'd be trading items, but I guess money makes it all the more convenient. So, fair. I've finally accepted that money is a necessity.
But that don't mean that I'd go looking for more. I'll take my chances when my time is ripe.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Usual Suspects
I'm confused as to whether it's Verbal Kint or Kevin Spacey that I'm attracted to. There's this subtle charm within the characters that I like; makes it all the more intense.
I've been thinking about my year 2010 resolutions. And thinking about making only ONE resolution. I realized I don't do well with too many goals in mind. But I do believe with one set, others will follow through. I just gotta choose the right one.
So far, I know that this year had been one angry year for me.
Besties and I are planning to usher in the new year with cocktails. A happy drink to start the year with.
Trips to Japan are in the planning. New jobs are in the planning. Driving license is in the planning.
I see changes in 2010. Drastic changes.
I've been thinking about my year 2010 resolutions. And thinking about making only ONE resolution. I realized I don't do well with too many goals in mind. But I do believe with one set, others will follow through. I just gotta choose the right one.
So far, I know that this year had been one angry year for me.
Besties and I are planning to usher in the new year with cocktails. A happy drink to start the year with.
Trips to Japan are in the planning. New jobs are in the planning. Driving license is in the planning.
I see changes in 2010. Drastic changes.
Monday, December 07, 2009
2012 / Superman Returns
2012 was a tad bit heavy. Really don't fancy the idea of seeing Earth in smithereens. The idea of Noah's Ark again somehow hit a very dark spot though...
Had a re-run of Superman Returns. I forgot how classicly handsome he is...
Suandy's 18th birthday was celebrated over the weekend. Chilling out at Novotel. Tucked away at the ends of Clarke Quay with a quiet view of Singapore River and the cannery... I like. We all like.
And work sucks. I'm in too much of a financial stress to want to stick through anymore. I'm way underpaid for the amount of obligated favours I thought was to my convenience.
Arrghhh.
Had a re-run of Superman Returns. I forgot how classicly handsome he is...
Suandy's 18th birthday was celebrated over the weekend. Chilling out at Novotel. Tucked away at the ends of Clarke Quay with a quiet view of Singapore River and the cannery... I like. We all like.
And work sucks. I'm in too much of a financial stress to want to stick through anymore. I'm way underpaid for the amount of obligated favours I thought was to my convenience.
Arrghhh.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Paranormal Activity
According to The Times; a potent peice of work. I love The Times. They give such accurate reviews.
A freaky halloween treat indeed, thanks to Yz & Jay.
Noa has been the focus lately. She looks pretty even at the age of 10, but her sneezing and on-off wailing is worrying.
I'm onto Prince of Persia again. Downloaded the extension pack and within 3 days, I'm close to unvealing the alternate ending. I'm feeling slight fitz from the excitement.
My recent thoughts involved demons. Should they really exist, they'd be the one thing that could really make me piss in my pants. But I'm intrigued... I'm really intrigued.
A freaky halloween treat indeed, thanks to Yz & Jay.
Noa has been the focus lately. She looks pretty even at the age of 10, but her sneezing and on-off wailing is worrying.
I'm onto Prince of Persia again. Downloaded the extension pack and within 3 days, I'm close to unvealing the alternate ending. I'm feeling slight fitz from the excitement.
My recent thoughts involved demons. Should they really exist, they'd be the one thing that could really make me piss in my pants. But I'm intrigued... I'm really intrigued.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Pulp Fiction / Jackie Brown / 南京! 南京!
Since Inglorious Bastards, it made more sense to check out Quentin Tarantino's earlier work.
Although a 'has-been', John Travolta will always be an A-list actor. I didnn't used to appreciate him but after Pulp Fiction, his lameways charmed.
Jackie Brown was just as impressive. I can't say if it's me getting used to the lame-O's in Quentin Tarantino's work or the cast is just brilliant.
南京! 南京! was heavy. I just hope instead of instigating hatred, it would send a strong sense of unnecessity when it comes to war. The Nazis and Japanese Occupation were just too cruel. It was as if the offensive soldiers were either struggling with their conscience, or the abscence of it was appalling.
One Japanese commander killed a Chinese woman after she was raped, because he thought that it was better for her to die than live when she was this beautiful.
Another sergeant, shot a teacher. In which, she asked for it (absolutely no pun). She was captured after being discovered she was sneaking some captives out of being executed by pretending they were her husband each time she retrived them.
A woman in captivity of the Japanese faces only one persecution; rape. Before she allowed it to happen, she asked for the sergeant, who understood English, to shoot her. He did.
Most soldiers were portrayed as weak puppets. Puppets had no souls. In their case, they probably chose to give up their souls. After all, you can't be soft hearted in war. Either they die, or you die.
Sigh heavy shit.
Otherwise, good screenplay.
Eve of my birthday, Starfish brought me to see a fortune teller. Something I've been meaning to do; have my fortune foretold. She was a nice lady. Calm, humourous. She looked like a 古代人. A classy mix of ancient Chinese/Egyptian woman from the way she dresses herself. Although I could be sure of her accent that she is Malaysian.
I wasn't expecting much. Except for some soul seraching adventure of some sort. Unfortunately, I had to watch out for my temper and my health and the traffic and when I'm climbing.
The best news was, BLACK is supposedly an aupicious colour for me. I knew it was my colour.
It gave me a clearer picture of how my life had been. Even though it's supposed to foretell my future. It had somehow given me a clearer perspective on how I would want my life to be.
To me, Fate, is a guideline. Through which, as with the changes in environment, I can learn to manipulate these guidelines and make it work for me to the very extent of sacrificing nothing more than happiness.
Right now, health is the path to happiness. Fruits and veggies I shall devour.
Although a 'has-been', John Travolta will always be an A-list actor. I didnn't used to appreciate him but after Pulp Fiction, his lameways charmed.
Jackie Brown was just as impressive. I can't say if it's me getting used to the lame-O's in Quentin Tarantino's work or the cast is just brilliant.
南京! 南京! was heavy. I just hope instead of instigating hatred, it would send a strong sense of unnecessity when it comes to war. The Nazis and Japanese Occupation were just too cruel. It was as if the offensive soldiers were either struggling with their conscience, or the abscence of it was appalling.
One Japanese commander killed a Chinese woman after she was raped, because he thought that it was better for her to die than live when she was this beautiful.
Another sergeant, shot a teacher. In which, she asked for it (absolutely no pun). She was captured after being discovered she was sneaking some captives out of being executed by pretending they were her husband each time she retrived them.
A woman in captivity of the Japanese faces only one persecution; rape. Before she allowed it to happen, she asked for the sergeant, who understood English, to shoot her. He did.
Most soldiers were portrayed as weak puppets. Puppets had no souls. In their case, they probably chose to give up their souls. After all, you can't be soft hearted in war. Either they die, or you die.
Sigh heavy shit.
Otherwise, good screenplay.
Eve of my birthday, Starfish brought me to see a fortune teller. Something I've been meaning to do; have my fortune foretold. She was a nice lady. Calm, humourous. She looked like a 古代人. A classy mix of ancient Chinese/Egyptian woman from the way she dresses herself. Although I could be sure of her accent that she is Malaysian.
I wasn't expecting much. Except for some soul seraching adventure of some sort. Unfortunately, I had to watch out for my temper and my health and the traffic and when I'm climbing.
The best news was, BLACK is supposedly an aupicious colour for me. I knew it was my colour.
It gave me a clearer picture of how my life had been. Even though it's supposed to foretell my future. It had somehow given me a clearer perspective on how I would want my life to be.
To me, Fate, is a guideline. Through which, as with the changes in environment, I can learn to manipulate these guidelines and make it work for me to the very extent of sacrificing nothing more than happiness.
Right now, health is the path to happiness. Fruits and veggies I shall devour.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Year One / 9 / G-Force / Inglorious Bastards
Year One
Micheal Cera is adorable. Wasn't one of Jack Black's best but it was fun watching him being retarded.
9
I like the voodoo dollies.
G-Force
Inappropriate soundtracks. Biggest Disney's letdown for me. The G-Forcers are lovely, though we left halfway through for Gamers instead before we head off soon again for Inglorious Bastards
P.S. Gamers was not the intended movie to watch.
Inglorious Bastards
Excellent cast. Explicitly intense scripts. Morbid sense of humour. I like I like.
I have been keeping myself off the internet for awhile now. Mainly because, I'm trying to see if I can live without it, and I can. Feels rather good. I focus alot more on Noa now too partly because she's gotten mites. For a couple of months now. The E-collar can't keep a hold on Noa. The cunning fox hides in particular corners of the house and somehow manages to slip her head out of it. I don't know how she does it. I checked to make sure the collar can't come off and as hard as I can afford to pull at it, it does NOT seem like it can/will slip off. One of these days I'm gonna catch her in the act and work out a more secure knot-tying system.
Micheal Cera is adorable. Wasn't one of Jack Black's best but it was fun watching him being retarded.
9
I like the voodoo dollies.
G-Force
Inappropriate soundtracks. Biggest Disney's letdown for me. The G-Forcers are lovely, though we left halfway through for Gamers instead before we head off soon again for Inglorious Bastards
P.S. Gamers was not the intended movie to watch.
Inglorious Bastards
Excellent cast. Explicitly intense scripts. Morbid sense of humour. I like I like.
I have been keeping myself off the internet for awhile now. Mainly because, I'm trying to see if I can live without it, and I can. Feels rather good. I focus alot more on Noa now too partly because she's gotten mites. For a couple of months now. The E-collar can't keep a hold on Noa. The cunning fox hides in particular corners of the house and somehow manages to slip her head out of it. I don't know how she does it. I checked to make sure the collar can't come off and as hard as I can afford to pull at it, it does NOT seem like it can/will slip off. One of these days I'm gonna catch her in the act and work out a more secure knot-tying system.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Harry Potter (Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire, Order of Pheonix, Half Blood Prince) / Public Enemies
I'm a miniscule fan of Harry Potter. Miniscule because I'm no fanatic but still a big appreciator of the dark forces and magic, geeky-blue-eyed Harry, doofus Ronald and the charmingly down to earth Hermoine.
Johnny Depp is all I've been infatuated with. His manly charm in Public Enemies killed me.
Christian Bale, although mildly overshadowed, was still quite exquisite.
Ever since the surgery, I've been feeling distracted. It's been some time since I've been able to just focus on doing just one task.
I couldn't do laundry without thinking if I should eat.
Couldn't do work without trying to decide whether I should drink some water (which I promised myself to make it a more regular habit).
Couldn't sleep without having to let my mind wonder the world of dullness, mistakes and possibilities.
I'm mentally exhausted, thinking so much of everything.
Post-trauma, is this?
Johnny Depp is all I've been infatuated with. His manly charm in Public Enemies killed me.
Christian Bale, although mildly overshadowed, was still quite exquisite.
Ever since the surgery, I've been feeling distracted. It's been some time since I've been able to just focus on doing just one task.
I couldn't do laundry without thinking if I should eat.
Couldn't do work without trying to decide whether I should drink some water (which I promised myself to make it a more regular habit).
Couldn't sleep without having to let my mind wonder the world of dullness, mistakes and possibilities.
I'm mentally exhausted, thinking so much of everything.
Post-trauma, is this?
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Drag Me To Hell
Moral of the story: Jobs don't guarentee a place in heaven. So, be kind. Don't be stupid
And speaking of being stupid at work, how can anyone not let a little boy pee without thinking him and his mother may be spying on the place. Some business really brings out the unkind.
And speaking of businesses, I'm starting to see the business of the world. From the cheapest, most flamboyant, to the classically qualified pastel fashion. Amazing ain't it.
And what made me see, was the thought of having my own business. I was thinking, between having quantity, or quality. I'm the quality type, which means to say I can be fussy, which leads to wasting a whole load of time, which probably results in making loss instead of profits.
And luxury... Luxury to me is having all the time in the world.
In this time and age, it seemed almost impossible. But I'm scarily determined to make it happen.
And speaking of being stupid at work, how can anyone not let a little boy pee without thinking him and his mother may be spying on the place. Some business really brings out the unkind.
And speaking of businesses, I'm starting to see the business of the world. From the cheapest, most flamboyant, to the classically qualified pastel fashion. Amazing ain't it.
And what made me see, was the thought of having my own business. I was thinking, between having quantity, or quality. I'm the quality type, which means to say I can be fussy, which leads to wasting a whole load of time, which probably results in making loss instead of profits.
And luxury... Luxury to me is having all the time in the world.
In this time and age, it seemed almost impossible. But I'm scarily determined to make it happen.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Blood: The Last Vampire
Best part about this movie, is seeing Gianna in school uniform, looking menacing.
Starfish had to drag me home after because I was too busy glaring into space and not moving.
This is completely overdue, but Yz & Jay's wedding were the most beautiful Muslim wedding I've ever seen. I saw one of Yz's friend's wedding pictures at Goodwood Park Hotel (I think) and the bride was in a white tutu! How creative!!!!
Went bowling with the girlies at Kallang Leisure Park last night.
Bambie was steady la.
Dee was also very impressive.
Dagen takes bowling quite seriously.
Peach was the gentle bowler and her strategy was not in vain.
Deyao likes to VISA-dance!
Benny was the quiet supporter.
Pris picked up bowling real quick!
Starfish was a little violent on the bowls.
And I, was the loser.
Two games and my back is already aching. Sighhhh.
Old already.
Starfish had to drag me home after because I was too busy glaring into space and not moving.
This is completely overdue, but Yz & Jay's wedding were the most beautiful Muslim wedding I've ever seen. I saw one of Yz's friend's wedding pictures at Goodwood Park Hotel (I think) and the bride was in a white tutu! How creative!!!!
Went bowling with the girlies at Kallang Leisure Park last night.
Bambie was steady la.
Dee was also very impressive.
Dagen takes bowling quite seriously.
Peach was the gentle bowler and her strategy was not in vain.
Deyao likes to VISA-dance!
Benny was the quiet supporter.
Pris picked up bowling real quick!
Starfish was a little violent on the bowls.
And I, was the loser.
Two games and my back is already aching. Sighhhh.
Old already.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Terminator: Salvation
Organized, chaos.
I'm not a Terminator fan. I could have watched it for Christian Bale but my interest in him was down by fifty. So, I watched it for Starfish.
Fortunately for him, I, love it. Love the chaos, the men. Yes. TWO.
Bale, and Worthington. Handsome handsome.
Score was awesome too.
Starfish bought Sims3 within seconds of walking into the game store while I was checking out the synopsis. I was pleasantly surprised.
They're giving out some Sims goodies this time. Thumbdrives and stuff.
I think I'm a fan.
I'm not a Terminator fan. I could have watched it for Christian Bale but my interest in him was down by fifty. So, I watched it for Starfish.
Fortunately for him, I, love it. Love the chaos, the men. Yes. TWO.
Bale, and Worthington. Handsome handsome.
Score was awesome too.
Starfish bought Sims3 within seconds of walking into the game store while I was checking out the synopsis. I was pleasantly surprised.
They're giving out some Sims goodies this time. Thumbdrives and stuff.
I think I'm a fan.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Ramen Girl / Star Trek / Angels and Demons / Night at The Museum 2
Ramen Girl, like the plot, not so much of the delivery. Star Trek was coool. Angels and Demons, relatively good visuals. Night at The Museum 2 was a good laugh. A surprise finding though. Watch out for Kahmunra. Looked familiar? :D
Visited Republic Polytechnic today. Impressive architecture by a Japanese. Starfish had to give a talk on Psychology education and careers. For some reason, Republic Poly, as impressive as it looked, didn't feel, arrogant.
SP felt arrogant. NP felt arrogant. NYP felt bitchy. TP felt bitchy.
Perhaps I've been feeling a little bitchy lately. Due to, certain, principility issues. Maybe I'm being over protective of a few individuals. Maybe I had taken other's conflicts a little too personally. I should leave it to their own hands.
I'll be the supportive friend. I am.
Ceeeeelebrate good times comon'!
Monday, May 11, 2009
17 Again / Taken / Wolverine / Monsters Inc (DVD)
Zac Effron, he'd be my toy boy.
"Taken" was a thriller classic.
Hugh Jackman is taking over Christian Bale... ... .... .... ... ... ..
I fear my muleness might break my silence.
I'm not so good with managing my anger. And I like being this way.
I feel wild when I'm angry. Psyched.
What does this say about me?
I'm still figuring.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Matchbox Twenty - Push
She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
Im a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever really been loved
By the hand thats touched me, well I feel like something gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well
This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you
Around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
(chorus)
I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted(2x)
I will
She said I dont know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is
Gonna hurt ya
And I dont why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine cuz its a little bit dirty well
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I''ve been cheated Ive been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all
(chorus)
Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Dont rush this baby(2x)
:..(
Im a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever really been loved
By the hand thats touched me, well I feel like something gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well
This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you
Around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
(chorus)
I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted(2x)
I will
She said I dont know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is
Gonna hurt ya
And I dont why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine cuz its a little bit dirty well
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I''ve been cheated Ive been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all
(chorus)
Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Dont rush this baby(2x)
:..(
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Shinjuku Incident / Departures
Shinjuku Incident was so-so. Departures was inspiring.
Japan is beautiful. In particular the city it was featuring in the film. I wanna live in a town like that. Fresh air, greenaries. Down to earth people.
I had feared the dead. Whether it's an animal, or human. I feared because I did not understand it. And because I did not understand, I may have portrayed disrespect in circumstances where I was supposed to be paying respect.
Two instances in particular.
The first, was granddad's. I was about 7. In Chinese funeral tradition, we're supposed to serve tea to the dead as some sort of paying our last respect. I simply refused. It's only fair on my part. I was 7. What the heck did I know.
The second, was Bambie's grandma's. We wanted to give condolences to Bambie. I remember one of her relatives asked if we would like to take a look of Bambie's grandma. I was apprehensive. I felt my whole being unwilling to accept that someone has passed. That this someone whom Bambie (whom we're closed to) was closed to has passed. In my desperation to show my utmost respect and at the same time so unwilling to accept death, I had muttered something along the line of "I wouldn't even dare to look at my dead hamster".
In my world, I'm pro-animals to humans. So what I was really trying to show was my utmost respect in comparison to what I thought was of my standard, which could have been easily misunderstood.
And now come to think of it, it was my ignorant and immaturity that led me to behave in such manner, even though I honestly did not mean to disrespect.
I hadn't been able to get over that mistake I made until Departures. Now, I've accepted that I was ignorant, and shall never make the same stupid mistake.
Fear feeds on ignorance. Stupidity feeds on fear. We need to learn to understand before we can stop our own fears. And I'm all for learning.
Japan is beautiful. In particular the city it was featuring in the film. I wanna live in a town like that. Fresh air, greenaries. Down to earth people.
I had feared the dead. Whether it's an animal, or human. I feared because I did not understand it. And because I did not understand, I may have portrayed disrespect in circumstances where I was supposed to be paying respect.
Two instances in particular.
The first, was granddad's. I was about 7. In Chinese funeral tradition, we're supposed to serve tea to the dead as some sort of paying our last respect. I simply refused. It's only fair on my part. I was 7. What the heck did I know.
The second, was Bambie's grandma's. We wanted to give condolences to Bambie. I remember one of her relatives asked if we would like to take a look of Bambie's grandma. I was apprehensive. I felt my whole being unwilling to accept that someone has passed. That this someone whom Bambie (whom we're closed to) was closed to has passed. In my desperation to show my utmost respect and at the same time so unwilling to accept death, I had muttered something along the line of "I wouldn't even dare to look at my dead hamster".
In my world, I'm pro-animals to humans. So what I was really trying to show was my utmost respect in comparison to what I thought was of my standard, which could have been easily misunderstood.
And now come to think of it, it was my ignorant and immaturity that led me to behave in such manner, even though I honestly did not mean to disrespect.
I hadn't been able to get over that mistake I made until Departures. Now, I've accepted that I was ignorant, and shall never make the same stupid mistake.
Fear feeds on ignorance. Stupidity feeds on fear. We need to learn to understand before we can stop our own fears. And I'm all for learning.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Watchmen / Transformer / Iron Man
Megan Fox is hawwwt. Not annoying at all. Shia was a little. But his kindness was quite a turn on.
I'll marry Robert Downie Jr. if he asks. (Baby you're still the one. Allow me to infatuate a little?)
There was also Watchmen.
Charming for me is the genuinity of generosity, cool confidence, self-indulged geekiness and all thoughts goes out to, me. Heh.
Resident Evil 5 kicks ass. Not dark enough but works well for me.
I'm back to part time teaching. Mrs O had expressed re-consideration on my part. That was appreciated but, think I like having more time to myself and take care of things around the house for the time being.
I wanna sing~ Sing sing sing~
I'll marry Robert Downie Jr. if he asks. (Baby you're still the one. Allow me to infatuate a little?)
There was also Watchmen.
Charming for me is the genuinity of generosity, cool confidence, self-indulged geekiness and all thoughts goes out to, me. Heh.
Resident Evil 5 kicks ass. Not dark enough but works well for me.
I'm back to part time teaching. Mrs O had expressed re-consideration on my part. That was appreciated but, think I like having more time to myself and take care of things around the house for the time being.
I wanna sing~ Sing sing sing~
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Fight Club / Twilight
Twilight, like The Village. Only this time the plot was a totally expected drama plus Kristen Stewart annoying the hell outta me for a good couple of hours.
Couldn't a better actress be picked? Say off the top of my head, the likes of Christina Ricci?
Why are there road bullies? Is it the same as being insecure off roads?
Why do children cheat during tests? If they're that uninterested why can't they just face the flunk? Since they sure as hell aren't afraid of not paying attention in class. Or is it the fear of the nags and whips that drove them to immorality.
I'm not sure why I get so upset when they behave like that. Perhaps the high expectation of these unmold hopes that this society will change for the better of Singaporeans.
Fight Club was good. I like the screen play more than anything else (including Edward and Brad).
Couldn't a better actress be picked? Say off the top of my head, the likes of Christina Ricci?
Why are there road bullies? Is it the same as being insecure off roads?
Why do children cheat during tests? If they're that uninterested why can't they just face the flunk? Since they sure as hell aren't afraid of not paying attention in class. Or is it the fear of the nags and whips that drove them to immorality.
I'm not sure why I get so upset when they behave like that. Perhaps the high expectation of these unmold hopes that this society will change for the better of Singaporeans.
Fight Club was good. I like the screen play more than anything else (including Edward and Brad).
Monday, February 23, 2009
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button / Slumdog Millionaire
I am at my sickest yet this year and I've decided, I'm sick of getting sick.
So I told my "respectable" boss that I would like to go back to being a part time teacher instead of being part of full time management staff when really, I'm just a stand in.
I didn't mind it most times. Not until now that I've realized, they're not my style.
I had hopes for Mainspring when I first joined them in November last year. Until money became the matter. I thought they'd be different. What was I thinking.
It isn't my business ultimately. Our goals, weren't the same after all. So I'm done feeling obligated to them. I'm taking back what belongs to me; time.
Slumdog Millionaire had a huge part in this overnight transformation. The sadness of the world were too much to bear.
At one point I had wished to be like every Singaporean else. I thought perhaps if I were more money oriented I could stay at a job for a long time. Instead of constantly looking for a hole to fix and a passion to fulfill.
Unfortunately I came to know that Starfish's mom thought of me as a lazy arse. If at this point Mrs O had thought that I had turned on her, it wouldn't break me as much as the thought of Starfish's mom. And I wonder why.
I wonder why because, I know fully well that the only person I ever had to prove to, was myself, and yet, I felt every inch of my morale breaking.
I haven't felt this depressed since Fred Chua.
If someone, or something would tell me just where am I going wrong...
So I told my "respectable" boss that I would like to go back to being a part time teacher instead of being part of full time management staff when really, I'm just a stand in.
I didn't mind it most times. Not until now that I've realized, they're not my style.
I had hopes for Mainspring when I first joined them in November last year. Until money became the matter. I thought they'd be different. What was I thinking.
It isn't my business ultimately. Our goals, weren't the same after all. So I'm done feeling obligated to them. I'm taking back what belongs to me; time.
Slumdog Millionaire had a huge part in this overnight transformation. The sadness of the world were too much to bear.
At one point I had wished to be like every Singaporean else. I thought perhaps if I were more money oriented I could stay at a job for a long time. Instead of constantly looking for a hole to fix and a passion to fulfill.
Unfortunately I came to know that Starfish's mom thought of me as a lazy arse. If at this point Mrs O had thought that I had turned on her, it wouldn't break me as much as the thought of Starfish's mom. And I wonder why.
I wonder why because, I know fully well that the only person I ever had to prove to, was myself, and yet, I felt every inch of my morale breaking.
I haven't felt this depressed since Fred Chua.
If someone, or something would tell me just where am I going wrong...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Inkheart, BrideWar
CNY's eve was spent cleaning up the house and catching up with Jess since her return. Dinner @ Modesto's.
Four Season's One-Ninety's Kiwi Mojito rocks.
Day one of CNY was spent with some of Stephen Chow's films. Starfish cooked up a whole three day supply of Japanese curry and miso soup. Late afternoon ride to the Singapore Zoo. Ben & Jerry's as our motivation. 2h 40 mins, back and forth.
Day two of CNY, lunch at Jess's grandma's. (Reminds me of Seremban)
Kiwi Mojito @ Four Season's again before late afternoon movie at Lido and in the midst of it, a man shouted angrily. I couldn't grasp his words the first time, and I forced myself to ignore, and then I thought I heard him shouted (thereafter), "Stop touching my dick!" This definitely got my attention. I wanted to see who this pervert was! And then he shouted again, ".... stop kicking .. .. .. .... ". And then it all made sense. Such rage. So annoyingly common. Ramen @ Great World City for dinner.
Day three of CNY, back to work. Depressed.
Day four of CNY, OFF. Prepared teaching material, then afternoon movie (BrideWar) at Vivo. Last Gold Class indulgence. Jumbo dog, set meal of ceasar salad, fish karma, brownie and coffee included. Dinner @ Coca with Jess. Kiwi Mojito @ Four Season's again. We just can't get enough of it.
Reached Yz's place just before midnight. Made Starfish and Moose hold the candles in their hands because there was no cake, only chocolatier from Chocolate Factory.
Dowanna work tomorrow.
Four Season's One-Ninety's Kiwi Mojito rocks.
Day one of CNY was spent with some of Stephen Chow's films. Starfish cooked up a whole three day supply of Japanese curry and miso soup. Late afternoon ride to the Singapore Zoo. Ben & Jerry's as our motivation. 2h 40 mins, back and forth.
Day two of CNY, lunch at Jess's grandma's. (Reminds me of Seremban)
Kiwi Mojito @ Four Season's again before late afternoon movie at Lido and in the midst of it, a man shouted angrily. I couldn't grasp his words the first time, and I forced myself to ignore, and then I thought I heard him shouted (thereafter), "Stop touching my dick!" This definitely got my attention. I wanted to see who this pervert was! And then he shouted again, ".... stop kicking .. .. .. .... ". And then it all made sense. Such rage. So annoyingly common. Ramen @ Great World City for dinner.
Day three of CNY, back to work. Depressed.
Day four of CNY, OFF. Prepared teaching material, then afternoon movie (BrideWar) at Vivo. Last Gold Class indulgence. Jumbo dog, set meal of ceasar salad, fish karma, brownie and coffee included. Dinner @ Coca with Jess. Kiwi Mojito @ Four Season's again. We just can't get enough of it.
Reached Yz's place just before midnight. Made Starfish and Moose hold the candles in their hands because there was no cake, only chocolatier from Chocolate Factory.
Dowanna work tomorrow.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
GT2.0 HDisc Avalanche a.k.a Zelda
Took her out for a ride, 2nd time in 2 nights.
8km to Yishun Dam for her first, and an almost over ambitious 30km for her second.
Hell it feels GREAT!
Butt hurts. Feels great. Pelvis hurts. Feels great. Can't feel my legs. Feels GREAT.
Butts hitting the bed.
8km to Yishun Dam for her first, and an almost over ambitious 30km for her second.
Hell it feels GREAT!
Butt hurts. Feels great. Pelvis hurts. Feels great. Can't feel my legs. Feels GREAT.
Butts hitting the bed.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Grievance
Isreal is killing children...?
Handicaps are embracing life...
Singapore's children don't understand basic respect.
Maybe these children needs to swap places with the children in Isreal.
Not because they're monsters,
but because the parents needs to realize what sort of cold bloods they're raising.
Handicaps are embracing life...
Singapore's children don't understand basic respect.
Maybe these children needs to swap places with the children in Isreal.
Not because they're monsters,
but because the parents needs to realize what sort of cold bloods they're raising.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Red Cliff II
New found attraction level for Tony Leung and Kaneshiro Takeshi.
Intensively chinese/japanese-ass-kickin'ly HOT.
Gold Class may have been one of those points of no return. Sigh luxury...
Starfish's got his bike. And I can't wait to get mine.
Only, all I have ever wanted was really a horse.
Intensively chinese/japanese-ass-kickin'ly HOT.
Gold Class may have been one of those points of no return. Sigh luxury...
Starfish's got his bike. And I can't wait to get mine.
Only, all I have ever wanted was really a horse.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Resident Evil: Degeneration
Impressive. Even with a tinge of that typical lameness that comes with every Capcom creation.
He who inspires with only miles of patience.
He who loves the way only God knows how.
He is the man. And he is mine.
He who inspires with only miles of patience.
He who loves the way only God knows how.
He is the man. And he is mine.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Happiness
A strange dream from last night seemed to be foretelling of a happiness that has yet to come, or happiness missed.
I dreamt of Jess & Jac's family. More significantly of them and their mother.
They were happy. They made jokes and I was laughing along.
Jess had been out of town and I wonder if she had found what she needed.
Only time will tell.
It's the fifth day of the new year and I've been reminding myself of my resolution; to mind my own business.
I broke it yesterday.
I made comments I knew I had no right to.
I haven't felt bad since. But I know I'll feel bad soon enough.
Having a conscience reminds me of how imperfect I am and guilt trips me whenever I spout judgemental comments.
On a sick note I may just get used to the notion of being imperfect and devilishly relish the fact that others aren't too.
I dreamt of Jess & Jac's family. More significantly of them and their mother.
They were happy. They made jokes and I was laughing along.
Jess had been out of town and I wonder if she had found what she needed.
Only time will tell.
It's the fifth day of the new year and I've been reminding myself of my resolution; to mind my own business.
I broke it yesterday.
I made comments I knew I had no right to.
I haven't felt bad since. But I know I'll feel bad soon enough.
Having a conscience reminds me of how imperfect I am and guilt trips me whenever I spout judgemental comments.
On a sick note I may just get used to the notion of being imperfect and devilishly relish the fact that others aren't too.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Movies and Thoughts
New Year's eve was spent hitting town for good ol' margarita,
hugs to Yzzy, Dallas Restaurant for some reminiscing
with Dallas wings and good ol' Carbernet Shiraz,
late night movie at Suntec City.
The Spirit: "My city screams. She's my lover. And I, am her Spirit."
Eva Mandes never look this hot.
Just been rocked out by Jack Black with School of Rock once again.
Jack Black's a real passion.
Then disappointingly backed up by
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's beginning.
Beautifully painted though.
One of my new year's resolution is to mind my own business more.
hugs to Yzzy, Dallas Restaurant for some reminiscing
with Dallas wings and good ol' Carbernet Shiraz,
late night movie at Suntec City.
The Spirit: "My city screams. She's my lover. And I, am her Spirit."
Eva Mandes never look this hot.
Just been rocked out by Jack Black with School of Rock once again.
Jack Black's a real passion.
Then disappointingly backed up by
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's beginning.
Beautifully painted though.
One of my new year's resolution is to mind my own business more.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008
The year had been quite a ride.
Hearts were broken.
Minds confused.
Dates happened.
Crushes, diffused.
Then love reformed.
Goals, reaffirmed.
Hopes replenished.
Life renewed!
:)
Hearts were broken.
Minds confused.
Dates happened.
Crushes, diffused.
Then love reformed.
Goals, reaffirmed.
Hopes replenished.
Life renewed!
:)
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Moments
There are kids who get on my nerves like an ant biting into my skin.
Smart, rude kids. Not because they meant to be (rude), at least I'd like to believe, but probably because they didn't get enough patience from mom and dad.
Goldfish is 6, pretty and bossy. She'd command, instead of ask. I've heard her commanded for her father to "bring my shoe." I'd find myself restraining to sudden intense bloodflow at times when they get too much (smart) for me to handle.
Yesterday was the bowling trip with the Mainspringers. Nothing much except for the usual warnings given out to specific few and loud bursts of "NOBODY MOVES UNLESS YOU'RE TOLD TO OR YOU'LL STAY ON THE BUS." I surprised them (and myself) at how loud I get sometimes.
What almost made my day or melted my ironed heart was when Goldfish handed me her roll of Mentos and told me to "take one". I was thinking, what, like you can't take one yourself? So to give her the benefit of the doubt, I asked, "you want one?" She shook her head. I asked again, "you wanna give me one?" She nodded.
And she's back on my good book.
Then as I was busy handling the 7 year old amateurs, this adorably chubby and smart and gives a little attitude sometimes kid, offered me her chips. I shook my head and said no thank you, she insisted, I persisted, and she stuffed a chip into my mouth. Just like that.
I chuckled at her cool sweetness.
Then as I made my way to the back of the bus to check on the boy who was having gastric, an older kid, who's been *ahem* a fan of mine, gave me a hug. Just for the heck of it. She's always been sweet this girl.
Moments like these made me feel life in a very subtle way.
Been missing the zoo terribly...
Merry Christmas everyone.
Smart, rude kids. Not because they meant to be (rude), at least I'd like to believe, but probably because they didn't get enough patience from mom and dad.
Goldfish is 6, pretty and bossy. She'd command, instead of ask. I've heard her commanded for her father to "bring my shoe." I'd find myself restraining to sudden intense bloodflow at times when they get too much (smart) for me to handle.
Yesterday was the bowling trip with the Mainspringers. Nothing much except for the usual warnings given out to specific few and loud bursts of "NOBODY MOVES UNLESS YOU'RE TOLD TO OR YOU'LL STAY ON THE BUS." I surprised them (and myself) at how loud I get sometimes.
What almost made my day or melted my ironed heart was when Goldfish handed me her roll of Mentos and told me to "take one". I was thinking, what, like you can't take one yourself? So to give her the benefit of the doubt, I asked, "you want one?" She shook her head. I asked again, "you wanna give me one?" She nodded.
And she's back on my good book.
Then as I was busy handling the 7 year old amateurs, this adorably chubby and smart and gives a little attitude sometimes kid, offered me her chips. I shook my head and said no thank you, she insisted, I persisted, and she stuffed a chip into my mouth. Just like that.
I chuckled at her cool sweetness.
Then as I made my way to the back of the bus to check on the boy who was having gastric, an older kid, who's been *ahem* a fan of mine, gave me a hug. Just for the heck of it. She's always been sweet this girl.
Moments like these made me feel life in a very subtle way.
Been missing the zoo terribly...
Merry Christmas everyone.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
It was...
"In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring, I marry you..."
:)
:)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Remember remember, the 15th of November!
Starfish and I are now lawfully wedded :)
All those close to heart had gathered at Dallas this faithfully beautiful night to witness the holy union. And yours truely almost threw a huge fit about the terribly managed music. The staff had no idea what they were doing. I didn't know what they were doing. Starfish didn't know what they were doing.
Good thing Alex (bar manager) came to the rescue in the midst of me fixing up the stereo's wires before I completely lose it.
Anything can go wrong but my music.
But then come to think of it, the night was perfect in almost every other aspect. Everyone whom starfish and I had adored were there. Including one of starfish's best bud from Taiwan along with his adorable beau. Speaking of whom, we had fun bringing them around and hanging.
And most importantly on this night, I married the man I truely want to spend the rest of my bitchiest life with.
I'm happy.
The only thing that's really bugging me right now is that I can't remember the full oath before I slid that ring onto starfish's finger...
"I... love... abiding trust... and with this ring, I marry you."
All those close to heart had gathered at Dallas this faithfully beautiful night to witness the holy union. And yours truely almost threw a huge fit about the terribly managed music. The staff had no idea what they were doing. I didn't know what they were doing. Starfish didn't know what they were doing.
Good thing Alex (bar manager) came to the rescue in the midst of me fixing up the stereo's wires before I completely lose it.
Anything can go wrong but my music.
But then come to think of it, the night was perfect in almost every other aspect. Everyone whom starfish and I had adored were there. Including one of starfish's best bud from Taiwan along with his adorable beau. Speaking of whom, we had fun bringing them around and hanging.
And most importantly on this night, I married the man I truely want to spend the rest of my bitchiest life with.
I'm happy.
The only thing that's really bugging me right now is that I can't remember the full oath before I slid that ring onto starfish's finger...
"I... love... abiding trust... and with this ring, I marry you."
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tropic THUNDERRRRR
I resisted the urge to applaud when it was over because I was too fucking self-conscious in this awefully-dull-unappreciative-judgemental society.
It was brilliant.
After Starfish & I walked out of the theatre, we couldn't help bursting into short bursts of laughs replaying fragments of the movie.
Then it made me feel almost surreal-ly freaked when I was explaining who Lance (N'Sync) was to Starfish while crossing the pedestrian with this dude (infront of us) in tight strippy top, floppy cap and really tight jeans with really tight black nylon socks that goes thigh high OVER the jeans(?!)
Then I freaked again at the end of the pedestrian when I saw a man standing in front of one of those green bins, at a pee position (?!) No he wasn't peeing, according to Starfish. Phew!
I thought my world is just gonna get freakier after watching Tropic Thunder. I was on the lookout for anything else to freak me out.
Watch it. And you'll probably know what I mean.
It was brilliant.
After Starfish & I walked out of the theatre, we couldn't help bursting into short bursts of laughs replaying fragments of the movie.
Then it made me feel almost surreal-ly freaked when I was explaining who Lance (N'Sync) was to Starfish while crossing the pedestrian with this dude (infront of us) in tight strippy top, floppy cap and really tight jeans with really tight black nylon socks that goes thigh high OVER the jeans(?!)
Then I freaked again at the end of the pedestrian when I saw a man standing in front of one of those green bins, at a pee position (?!) No he wasn't peeing, according to Starfish. Phew!
I thought my world is just gonna get freakier after watching Tropic Thunder. I was on the lookout for anything else to freak me out.
Watch it. And you'll probably know what I mean.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Dream Dictionary: Shark
To see a shark in your dream, represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities. Alternatively, you may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. The shark symbolizes feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others.
Mmhmm.
Mmhmm.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Ego Stroke
Reminiscing, teaching was a pretty self absorbing experience. I found it hard to concentrate on anything else but lesson planning. And when I stepped into the classes, there was a rush of... power. And it felt damn good.
I was Emperor.
Ok enough boasting. But it felt really good. I was conquering. A small part of it.
Teaching is a lifestyle. A full time lifestyle, which I find it hard to commit with other personal commitments.
It is an obvious ego stroking career. How some of us gets devoured by the attention we are getting. Some couldn't take the humiliation (wits) and turned aggressive. There were the few who had such a heart that they'd go the extra miles to help.
10 weeks of experience was the most fulfilling I have ever felt. And I still dream about it.
Currently I've been busy with the house.
Making trips to law firm to settle miscellaneous stuff.
Contacting contractors to clean out the house.
Head cracking up with all the financial decisions.
Dealing with unecessary opinions.
Fighting against temptation to blow up budget. (Blown some already).
And doing some long term planning, something I'm not very good at.
I'm better at trying to be optimistic.
Partay.
I was Emperor.
Ok enough boasting. But it felt really good. I was conquering. A small part of it.
Teaching is a lifestyle. A full time lifestyle, which I find it hard to commit with other personal commitments.
It is an obvious ego stroking career. How some of us gets devoured by the attention we are getting. Some couldn't take the humiliation (wits) and turned aggressive. There were the few who had such a heart that they'd go the extra miles to help.
10 weeks of experience was the most fulfilling I have ever felt. And I still dream about it.
Currently I've been busy with the house.
Making trips to law firm to settle miscellaneous stuff.
Contacting contractors to clean out the house.
Head cracking up with all the financial decisions.
Dealing with unecessary opinions.
Fighting against temptation to blow up budget. (Blown some already).
And doing some long term planning, something I'm not very good at.
I'm better at trying to be optimistic.
Partay.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
It took 3 weeks of trial out @ Mainspring. Then 10 weeks of practicum (as trained teachers would call it) @ a high school.
Experience gauge: OVERLOAD.
Almost pleasingly rewardingly overloaded. If it weren't for other personal commitments calling for urgent attention.
The preparation for the move has been as smooth as it could not have been. The pressure comes from inside the head. Worrying about the bits.
Ask me if I feel like a grown up. Not really. It's been hectic, but I'm loving the adventure.
Been dreaming about my students since I quit just before the school holidays. I do miss em. Miss what I could have accomplished.
But that's life right. Always having to make the toughest decision and making the most out of it.
Can't wait to see how the house is gonna turn out.
Experience gauge: OVERLOAD.
Almost pleasingly rewardingly overloaded. If it weren't for other personal commitments calling for urgent attention.
The preparation for the move has been as smooth as it could not have been. The pressure comes from inside the head. Worrying about the bits.
Ask me if I feel like a grown up. Not really. It's been hectic, but I'm loving the adventure.
Been dreaming about my students since I quit just before the school holidays. I do miss em. Miss what I could have accomplished.
But that's life right. Always having to make the toughest decision and making the most out of it.
Can't wait to see how the house is gonna turn out.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
With Regards To...
My last post, it was horribly angrily written.
My friends, to have grown up together with them.
My family, to have been so open-mindingly supportive.
My career, to have it rolling at a somewhat comfotable pace if I don't think too much about it.
Starfish, to have kept me focus, made me nervous, and have me in bliss all these while.
I have a long way to go and I'm glad to have these people (& things) to keep me going.
My friends, to have grown up together with them.
My family, to have been so open-mindingly supportive.
My career, to have it rolling at a somewhat comfotable pace if I don't think too much about it.
Starfish, to have kept me focus, made me nervous, and have me in bliss all these while.
I have a long way to go and I'm glad to have these people (& things) to keep me going.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Artistic Death of an Innocent Animal
If you guys haven't heard, Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, a claimed artist from Costa Rica, tied up a stray emaciated dog in an art gallery.
******************************************************************
"Hello everyone. My name is Guillermo Habacuc Vargas. I am 50 years old and an artist.
Recently, I have been critisized for my work titled "Eres lo que lees", which features a dog named Nativity.
The purpose of the work was not to cause any type of infliction on the poor, innocent creature, but rather to illustrate a point.
In my home city of San Jose, Costa Rica, tens of thousands of stray dogs starve and die of illness each year in the streets and no one pays them a second thought.
If you google this fucker's name, you will find that his work (this one in particular) is getting bombarded with criticisms from the hypocritical public, getting every other hypocrites to sign a petition against some sort of animal rights.
Every single google page. Right till to the last. It was all, but his artwork. I searched. You would think the internet would display certain paintings or sculptures of some sort. The dude is infamous.
Now that he has risked that quiet (humane) reputation with this sort of controversy, he is now known as the proclaimed artist who showcased cruelty.
Articles after articles, it was all about how he had tied this sick hungry dog up in an art gallery. Some say he'd starved Natividad Canda. One article claimed he had provided it food within its reach. Blah blah blah.
My question is, why does everyone pretend to care? What the fuck, is signing this petition going to do?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in petition against the civilized war, against environmental damages, domestic violence, fur hunting. But signing against artistic death of an innocent animal? Do they even understand the harshness of coming up with a controversial title like that? Are controversies to be signed against?
con - tro - ver - sy [kon-truh-vur-see] -noun, plural - sies.
1. a prolonged public dispute, debate or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion
2. contention, strife, or argument
Habacuc tied & accusingly starved Natividad Canda up and showcased his opinions in an art gallery. How wrong does this sentence sound? It sounds so wrong, that Habacuc should be put behind bars, or even to death, by the millions of animal activists.
Why isn't he? Furthermore he had won first prize to some title apparently.
Everyone is so goddamn caught up with the obligated morality, that the ONLY thing they can be bothered doing, is sign a petition. Someone kill the fucker then. He deserves it. Doesn't he? All animal activists wants him dead. So many of you (judging by the amount of petition that has been going around), not one of you can actually DO something about it?
And just how much has all those who has signed the petition been doing to help? Do you (after reading & signing the petition) take a sick dog home, feed and clean it and have it live its last moments in comfort? Do you take it to a vet and see if any amount of costly surgeries can save a life?
Do you, so-called, animal lovers, take it in stride to prove this so-called artist, wrong to have put up a sick animal on display; of your hypocrisies?
I shouldn't put it this way. I should say, if we, as human beings have been so great on helping the world get better, Habacuc wouldn't have to take a stray dog and starve (if he really did) it, and have you people watch it die. Like how you probably had when you have walked past a sick dog without a second thought, lying in some alley, waiting for death to end it's torment.
God bless those with the ability to do your part to help these poor animals.
Habacuc is trying to showcase hypocrisy in us human. And all you hyprocrites have proved him right. Natividad Canda have died in vain.
An artist can be a cruel thing.
******************************************************************
"Hello everyone. My name is Guillermo Habacuc Vargas. I am 50 years old and an artist.
Recently, I have been critisized for my work titled "Eres lo que lees", which features a dog named Nativity.
The purpose of the work was not to cause any type of infliction on the poor, innocent creature, but rather to illustrate a point.
In my home city of San Jose, Costa Rica, tens of thousands of stray dogs starve and die of illness each year in the streets and no one pays them a second thought.
Now, if you publicly display one of these starving creatures, such as the case with Nativity, it creates a backlash that brings out a big of hypocrisy in all of us.
Nativity was a very sick creature and would have died in the streets anyway."
Quoted from guillermohabacucvargas.blogspot.com
Natividad Canda was his name.
***********************************************************************Nativity was a very sick creature and would have died in the streets anyway."
Quoted from guillermohabacucvargas.blogspot.com
Natividad Canda was his name.
If you google this fucker's name, you will find that his work (this one in particular) is getting bombarded with criticisms from the hypocritical public, getting every other hypocrites to sign a petition against some sort of animal rights.
Every single google page. Right till to the last. It was all, but his artwork. I searched. You would think the internet would display certain paintings or sculptures of some sort. The dude is infamous.
Now that he has risked that quiet (humane) reputation with this sort of controversy, he is now known as the proclaimed artist who showcased cruelty.
Articles after articles, it was all about how he had tied this sick hungry dog up in an art gallery. Some say he'd starved Natividad Canda. One article claimed he had provided it food within its reach. Blah blah blah.
My question is, why does everyone pretend to care? What the fuck, is signing this petition going to do?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in petition against the civilized war, against environmental damages, domestic violence, fur hunting. But signing against artistic death of an innocent animal? Do they even understand the harshness of coming up with a controversial title like that? Are controversies to be signed against?
con - tro - ver - sy [kon-truh-vur-see] -noun, plural - sies.
1. a prolonged public dispute, debate or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion
2. contention, strife, or argument
Habacuc tied & accusingly starved Natividad Canda up and showcased his opinions in an art gallery. How wrong does this sentence sound? It sounds so wrong, that Habacuc should be put behind bars, or even to death, by the millions of animal activists.
Why isn't he? Furthermore he had won first prize to some title apparently.
Everyone is so goddamn caught up with the obligated morality, that the ONLY thing they can be bothered doing, is sign a petition. Someone kill the fucker then. He deserves it. Doesn't he? All animal activists wants him dead. So many of you (judging by the amount of petition that has been going around), not one of you can actually DO something about it?
And just how much has all those who has signed the petition been doing to help? Do you (after reading & signing the petition) take a sick dog home, feed and clean it and have it live its last moments in comfort? Do you take it to a vet and see if any amount of costly surgeries can save a life?
Do you, so-called, animal lovers, take it in stride to prove this so-called artist, wrong to have put up a sick animal on display; of your hypocrisies?
I shouldn't put it this way. I should say, if we, as human beings have been so great on helping the world get better, Habacuc wouldn't have to take a stray dog and starve (if he really did) it, and have you people watch it die. Like how you probably had when you have walked past a sick dog without a second thought, lying in some alley, waiting for death to end it's torment.
God bless those with the ability to do your part to help these poor animals.
Habacuc is trying to showcase hypocrisy in us human. And all you hyprocrites have proved him right. Natividad Canda have died in vain.
An artist can be a cruel thing.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Terrified. Petrified. Mortified. And stupified by you. - John Nash -
Watched: A Beautiful Mind.
Time flies and still feels like a long time.
Been out of job since the beginning of March. So what have I been doing?
Thinking. Alot.
And feeling negative.
I'm useless. Undetermined. Unmotivated. Easily annoyed. Depressed. Stupid. Broke. Cynical. Skeptical. More judgemental. Just plain unhappy with myself.
And it only melts away with ice-creamy and chocolatey moments. Oh also when I saw Fit, Fai and Fau on the streets of Orchard and my long time brofriend/guitar teacher Satish @ Chips (Tattoo revived!!).
Sleep tires me out with chains of nightmares. Day wears me with the incessant activities of its day.
I wanna get away to a beautiful beach where the sea is clear and the sand is white. Waves to surf and fish to eat.
Where my eyesight is perfect and my skin is clear.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours on ironing Starfish's shirts. They were crumpled and made me feel like ironing the creases out. If being a housewife is a professional job I may just consider doing it.
I don't like the term though. Housewife. I'd call it, Butlress (pron. But-erl-ress).
Hi, I'm a Butlress. I decorate, iron, clean, cook, massage, read, write, draw, travel for inspiration, I walk the dog, and sleep till anytime I want.
Do I sound desperate? I think I'm desperate.
I haven't felt this lost for awhile.
Time flies and still feels like a long time.
Been out of job since the beginning of March. So what have I been doing?
Thinking. Alot.
And feeling negative.
I'm useless. Undetermined. Unmotivated. Easily annoyed. Depressed. Stupid. Broke. Cynical. Skeptical. More judgemental. Just plain unhappy with myself.
And it only melts away with ice-creamy and chocolatey moments. Oh also when I saw Fit, Fai and Fau on the streets of Orchard and my long time brofriend/guitar teacher Satish @ Chips (Tattoo revived!!).
Sleep tires me out with chains of nightmares. Day wears me with the incessant activities of its day.
I wanna get away to a beautiful beach where the sea is clear and the sand is white. Waves to surf and fish to eat.
Where my eyesight is perfect and my skin is clear.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours on ironing Starfish's shirts. They were crumpled and made me feel like ironing the creases out. If being a housewife is a professional job I may just consider doing it.
I don't like the term though. Housewife. I'd call it, Butlress (pron. But-erl-ress).
Hi, I'm a Butlress. I decorate, iron, clean, cook, massage, read, write, draw, travel for inspiration, I walk the dog, and sleep till anytime I want.
Do I sound desperate? I think I'm desperate.
I haven't felt this lost for awhile.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Eve 6 - Here's To The Night
So denied
So I lied
Are you the now or never type
In a day, in a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
*********************************************************
Made a last minute decision last Sunday to crash Moose's class @ Monash University in Malaysia 2 days into the week. I was a complete niusance to Moose, just like the old days. Sunway's Inn was a small decent room with 1 window half the size of Moose which he had to pay an extra RM5.00 for it(-_-). I was really upset to find the toothpaste Eka had sacrificingly left for my tragically beautiful yellow-tinged teeth gone after I had left the room to be made. It may be just a toothpaste, but if I had left anything else in the room it could have gone missing too. Fortunately for my paranoia I took my whole luggage with me. It wasn't much with a couple of tops, my daily vanities and sneakers.
It was my first trip completely alone to Malaysia on Aeroline. What spurred the spontaneity was the lack of inspirations since I had quit my job. Besides the petty fun of beating the crap outta Moose for whatever reasons and just chilling with a really good buddy, Malaysia just wasn't the place to seek inspirations. I tried to do something to my hair for the sake of change, but time wasn't on my side. It was a 3 days 2 night trip.
I returned feeling no more than I felt when I left.
Savings are running low and I am feeling the pressure.
Crashed Starfish's Environmental Psychology class earlier this morning. Complaining and whining in my head as I blogged, checking him out now and then.
*I had attempted to blog in the class when blogger could not publish my post, I came back to the Starfish's crib and found my draft empty.*
So why am I not being active on job search?
Because I'm feeling damn uninspired to.
Past experiences had demoralized me so.
Leaders no longer play an inspiring leading role,
but an authoratative pushover.
I want a job that inspires passion and integrity.
Something Jack Black has when he's doing his thing.
So I lied
Are you the now or never type
In a day, in a day love, I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon
*********************************************************
Made a last minute decision last Sunday to crash Moose's class @ Monash University in Malaysia 2 days into the week. I was a complete niusance to Moose, just like the old days. Sunway's Inn was a small decent room with 1 window half the size of Moose which he had to pay an extra RM5.00 for it(-_-). I was really upset to find the toothpaste Eka had sacrificingly left for my tragically beautiful yellow-tinged teeth gone after I had left the room to be made. It may be just a toothpaste, but if I had left anything else in the room it could have gone missing too. Fortunately for my paranoia I took my whole luggage with me. It wasn't much with a couple of tops, my daily vanities and sneakers.
It was my first trip completely alone to Malaysia on Aeroline. What spurred the spontaneity was the lack of inspirations since I had quit my job. Besides the petty fun of beating the crap outta Moose for whatever reasons and just chilling with a really good buddy, Malaysia just wasn't the place to seek inspirations. I tried to do something to my hair for the sake of change, but time wasn't on my side. It was a 3 days 2 night trip.
I returned feeling no more than I felt when I left.
Savings are running low and I am feeling the pressure.
Crashed Starfish's Environmental Psychology class earlier this morning. Complaining and whining in my head as I blogged, checking him out now and then.
*I had attempted to blog in the class when blogger could not publish my post, I came back to the Starfish's crib and found my draft empty.*
So why am I not being active on job search?
Because I'm feeling damn uninspired to.
Past experiences had demoralized me so.
Leaders no longer play an inspiring leading role,
but an authoratative pushover.
I want a job that inspires passion and integrity.
Something Jack Black has when he's doing his thing.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
On Love
"Run: You have to learn to let to the other person be right. When arguments gets nasty, the one who got the nastiest has to give the most energy to heal the other person's heart. Divorce happens when you hit a stalemate, when you're locking horns. Somebody has to swallow the pride and say, basically, I'm wrong." Taken from an article where I have lost the link to.
I guess what would be the arguement to the above statement is, who is gonna know, who got the nastiest.
I guess when you have decided to commit your heart & soul to your partner, you will know deep down into your conscience, who said "fuck you" more. Or rather, whoever felt more wronged, you're probably the one at wrong.
Starfish thinks it's weird for me to dip katsu chicken into wasabe. I think it's only legal to dip Japanese style fried chicken into Japanese sauce.
Moose is tempting me to crash his class at Monash.
And why BURNOUT (the work of God Almighty) completely rocks for me, is that they do not embed images of hot chicks. All those with me; *RAISES FIST* BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess what would be the arguement to the above statement is, who is gonna know, who got the nastiest.
I guess when you have decided to commit your heart & soul to your partner, you will know deep down into your conscience, who said "fuck you" more. Or rather, whoever felt more wronged, you're probably the one at wrong.
Starfish thinks it's weird for me to dip katsu chicken into wasabe. I think it's only legal to dip Japanese style fried chicken into Japanese sauce.
Moose is tempting me to crash his class at Monash.
And why BURNOUT (the work of God Almighty) completely rocks for me, is that they do not embed images of hot chicks. All those with me; *RAISES FIST* BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I Quit
Saturday morning, 8th March.
Another Saturday burnt to work. Only this time, it was 10 times more dreadful.
Starfish's surprise offer to accompany me to work did little to pull me out of my thoughts of misery.
The night before I had told him that I have decided to quit. It was a matter of time that I hand in my resignation letter. I had wanted to wait till the end of this month. I honestly did not expect to feel like this Saturday, would be the day.
15 minutes before I left for work, I had Starfish help me print out my resignation letter.
As I made my way to the clinic, I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I could pull through another day.
I stepped into the clinic, and the air thickened. I knew I had to hand in my resignation letter to the Mrs, and definately could not have stayed any longer to make this day my last working day at the clinic.
The deed was done. The Mrs was being very understanding about it. I walked out, feeling awkward, and relieved at the same time.
The whole experience at this clinic was a tremendous eye opener.
I realized pursuing a passion without a certain degree of study could be rather futile. I did not get my chance to be a full time vet assistant because the training was not as promised, the clinic is busy almost always, time is simply not on my side.
If the boss hadn't want to put me on administrative duties, I honestly think I would have still been trying my way around vet assisting. I was too discouraged to even try out administrative duties and patiently wait for that chance again.
The plan now is to take a break. Haven't had a proper break from work since I've started working. And to re-consider my career options once again.
Doing my best to bring in positivity within my thoughts.
Another Saturday burnt to work. Only this time, it was 10 times more dreadful.
Starfish's surprise offer to accompany me to work did little to pull me out of my thoughts of misery.
The night before I had told him that I have decided to quit. It was a matter of time that I hand in my resignation letter. I had wanted to wait till the end of this month. I honestly did not expect to feel like this Saturday, would be the day.
15 minutes before I left for work, I had Starfish help me print out my resignation letter.
As I made my way to the clinic, I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I could pull through another day.
I stepped into the clinic, and the air thickened. I knew I had to hand in my resignation letter to the Mrs, and definately could not have stayed any longer to make this day my last working day at the clinic.
The deed was done. The Mrs was being very understanding about it. I walked out, feeling awkward, and relieved at the same time.
The whole experience at this clinic was a tremendous eye opener.
I realized pursuing a passion without a certain degree of study could be rather futile. I did not get my chance to be a full time vet assistant because the training was not as promised, the clinic is busy almost always, time is simply not on my side.
If the boss hadn't want to put me on administrative duties, I honestly think I would have still been trying my way around vet assisting. I was too discouraged to even try out administrative duties and patiently wait for that chance again.
The plan now is to take a break. Haven't had a proper break from work since I've started working. And to re-consider my career options once again.
Doing my best to bring in positivity within my thoughts.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Occupational Hazard
Non-academically-medically equipped, I walked into a world of medicines, surgeries, blood, death, maggots, impatient senior nurses, and admiringly-talented-at-first, but agonizingly-annoying-perfectionist-of a boss (vet) now.
2 months of dreadful, non-systematic, unclear instructions, demoralizing training to becoming a vet assistant, which was stated when I was first interviewed, takes 6 months.
2 months, and my optimism, willingness, integrity to learn, has been crushed to self-doubt. I lost confidence. And I am still struggling within these dark walls to regain my confidence, and not lose myself.
Many of those close to heart has adviced that I quit, and walk out with my integrity still barely intact. But somehow, I feel like there's much to challenge here. Perhaps I can change the system. Even if it is just a little. I am looking for a way.
The other part of me wants to move on & seek a more encouraging environment. Somewhere learning is encouraged.
I haven't been feeling very positive lately, with regards to my well-being at work. I'm contemplating between ignoring the situation as it is and just focus on what I was required to do, or be liberal with my concerns, for my own self-growth & well-being.
I need courage.
2 months of dreadful, non-systematic, unclear instructions, demoralizing training to becoming a vet assistant, which was stated when I was first interviewed, takes 6 months.
2 months, and my optimism, willingness, integrity to learn, has been crushed to self-doubt. I lost confidence. And I am still struggling within these dark walls to regain my confidence, and not lose myself.
Many of those close to heart has adviced that I quit, and walk out with my integrity still barely intact. But somehow, I feel like there's much to challenge here. Perhaps I can change the system. Even if it is just a little. I am looking for a way.
The other part of me wants to move on & seek a more encouraging environment. Somewhere learning is encouraged.
I haven't been feeling very positive lately, with regards to my well-being at work. I'm contemplating between ignoring the situation as it is and just focus on what I was required to do, or be liberal with my concerns, for my own self-growth & well-being.
I need courage.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I wish I could count to ten
"I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Starwars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
And make everything be wonderful again..."
Everclear - Wonderful
Sometimes when you go into a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get yourself out.
So I seek solace in Goo Goo Dolls' Slide, Everclear's Wonderful, Alanis Morisette's You Learn, Jewel's Standing Still...
Everything takes time. Everything. Learning, growing, understanding, accepting.
Time isn't exactly favoured. Everybody needs time. Everybody wants time. But it isn't favoured.
Time flies. Time drags. Time stretches the mind. Time forces you to take control.
Losing time means losing control. And I don't like losing it.
Time tells when you should feel relief. It tells when you're going completely psycho.
Time is precious. It never turns back.
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Starwars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
And make everything be wonderful again..."
Everclear - Wonderful
Sometimes when you go into a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get yourself out.
So I seek solace in Goo Goo Dolls' Slide, Everclear's Wonderful, Alanis Morisette's You Learn, Jewel's Standing Still...
Everything takes time. Everything. Learning, growing, understanding, accepting.
Time isn't exactly favoured. Everybody needs time. Everybody wants time. But it isn't favoured.
Time flies. Time drags. Time stretches the mind. Time forces you to take control.
Losing time means losing control. And I don't like losing it.
Time tells when you should feel relief. It tells when you're going completely psycho.
Time is precious. It never turns back.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Sunday, February 03, 2008
I am sick. And I am not amazing.
I am grumpy. Annoyed. Frustrated. Exhausted.
I.want.to.be.pampered.
AND I AM NOT AMAZING.
I.want.to.be.pampered.
AND I AM NOT AMAZING.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Vet Assistant Day 1
I'm not loving it yet.
Puppies and rabbits were adorable. Miscarriaged cats and infected dogs are uneasy. Syringes and knocking the air outta em are non-fulfilling.
The jargons are Greek to me.
I don't feel like I belong, even when there were moments where the Pomenarian puppy I was carrying laid comfortably sleepily in my arms, when a Westie lick my face while holding on to him for examination. Although I must add, it didn't feel good when a Pekinese growled at me. I don't really blame him. He was trembling.
I just don't feel good.
Puppies and rabbits were adorable. Miscarriaged cats and infected dogs are uneasy. Syringes and knocking the air outta em are non-fulfilling.
The jargons are Greek to me.
I don't feel like I belong, even when there were moments where the Pomenarian puppy I was carrying laid comfortably sleepily in my arms, when a Westie lick my face while holding on to him for examination. Although I must add, it didn't feel good when a Pekinese growled at me. I don't really blame him. He was trembling.
I just don't feel good.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Starfish
So it's been another long while. Got the day off from work, hanging at The Starfish's, babysitting Noa, trying to get my thoughts for the past 2 months organized, and learn to plan for my future; 1 month ahead to begin with. Sounds like growing up to me.
Working at the zoo has been rather confusing for me. A mixed of emotions with regards. Frustration within contentment. Confusion within goals. Numbness within passion.
Starfish concluded I may be going through a transition period.
A passionate job that will pay off everything that is required to live life without materialistic pressure. Too greedy? Wishful thinking? I don't think so. I believe. I just have to keep searching.
*************************************************
The above was written more than a month ago. I had it saved as a draft, meaning to continue, and, well, here I am.
So I resigned from the one place where I thought would bring my life to fulfilment finally.
Since young I have always dreamed of being a zookeeper, amongst other glamorous ambitions.
Today, Singapore Zoo is just another disapoointment. It wasn't what I had dreamed. It was just another phase I had to go through. Which means to say, it was a great working experience while it lasted. It also made me see things as it is; entertainment business.
Conserving wasn't the matter. Business was very much it. So much so that it almost felt like 'conserving' was manipulated into 'business'. I'd hate to think it this way. Perhaps with my ignorant mindset that I feel that Singapore Zoo was less, or no longer about conservation.
I thought I could save myself from the disappointment by looking into a change of environment, a different department. Least to say, to my further disappointment, not only did they reject my transfer, I was almost discouraged from going into zookeeping. Why? Because it's tougher on the other side.
On the other hand there were the few who advised and encouraged. The few who sees the problem of the management, but can't bear to leave the animals they have been with. Kudos.
While looking for a way into zookeeping, I also opened up my career options; vet assisting, hospitality, stewarding etc.
Perhaps through much desperate thought, the universe found its voice to me. A buddy/cohort from zoo, told of a vet clinic looking for vet assistants (vet nurses to be exact, I just prefer the term 'assistant', less feminine). Figured this would probably be my chance.
Sent in my resume. Got a call the next morning. Went down for an interview the same day. And got confirmed the day after.
At this point I should be feeling quite excited about it. A career, where I work with animals (!)
So why am I not? Instead, I'm nervous. And not a pleasant one.
Perhaps it was the environment; definately not as spacious as the zoo. Perhaps it was the idea that this is my first full time job and I'm feeling intimidated. Or perhaps I have been disappointed by my own dream ambition.
Nonetheless, I got the job. A fresh start for the new year. I should be thankful. And that I am.
On another note, Starfish and I had never had our month-versary, because we'd never really know when we became official. But I like it this way. This will probably make Valentine's Day a little more special :)
Working at the zoo has been rather confusing for me. A mixed of emotions with regards. Frustration within contentment. Confusion within goals. Numbness within passion.
Starfish concluded I may be going through a transition period.
A passionate job that will pay off everything that is required to live life without materialistic pressure. Too greedy? Wishful thinking? I don't think so. I believe. I just have to keep searching.
*************************************************
The above was written more than a month ago. I had it saved as a draft, meaning to continue, and, well, here I am.
So I resigned from the one place where I thought would bring my life to fulfilment finally.
Since young I have always dreamed of being a zookeeper, amongst other glamorous ambitions.
Today, Singapore Zoo is just another disapoointment. It wasn't what I had dreamed. It was just another phase I had to go through. Which means to say, it was a great working experience while it lasted. It also made me see things as it is; entertainment business.
Conserving wasn't the matter. Business was very much it. So much so that it almost felt like 'conserving' was manipulated into 'business'. I'd hate to think it this way. Perhaps with my ignorant mindset that I feel that Singapore Zoo was less, or no longer about conservation.
I thought I could save myself from the disappointment by looking into a change of environment, a different department. Least to say, to my further disappointment, not only did they reject my transfer, I was almost discouraged from going into zookeeping. Why? Because it's tougher on the other side.
On the other hand there were the few who advised and encouraged. The few who sees the problem of the management, but can't bear to leave the animals they have been with. Kudos.
While looking for a way into zookeeping, I also opened up my career options; vet assisting, hospitality, stewarding etc.
Perhaps through much desperate thought, the universe found its voice to me. A buddy/cohort from zoo, told of a vet clinic looking for vet assistants (vet nurses to be exact, I just prefer the term 'assistant', less feminine). Figured this would probably be my chance.
Sent in my resume. Got a call the next morning. Went down for an interview the same day. And got confirmed the day after.
At this point I should be feeling quite excited about it. A career, where I work with animals (!)
So why am I not? Instead, I'm nervous. And not a pleasant one.
Perhaps it was the environment; definately not as spacious as the zoo. Perhaps it was the idea that this is my first full time job and I'm feeling intimidated. Or perhaps I have been disappointed by my own dream ambition.
Nonetheless, I got the job. A fresh start for the new year. I should be thankful. And that I am.
On another note, Starfish and I had never had our month-versary, because we'd never really know when we became official. But I like it this way. This will probably make Valentine's Day a little more special :)
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